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HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Family Money: Help Needed
 
The Computer Doctor

Successfully Yours: Jean-Pierre Grzelczyk
 
Snap Shots: Window photography
   
Modern Medicine: Nails!

Heart to Heart with Hillary
 
Grapevine

Dining Out: Royal Cliff Grand’s BBQ - Saturday Night Fever
  
Animal Crackers: Dog Training or Owner Training?
  
Auto Mania: Clean, green and mean
 
Fitness Tips: Waste Watch

Family Money: Help Needed

By Leslie Wright

If you were seeking help with your personal financial planning and investment strategy, what qualities would you look for in a financial adviser?

Some readers will immediately react to that question with the riposte that they don’t need any help, thank you all the same.

Fine. If you have the time, and expertise, and access to the specialised information with which to make informed and objective decisions (rather than whimsical or subjective ones) with regard to your financial health, good luck to you.

Other readers will say they would rather listen to a friend’s advice than one of these so-called ‘experts’.

Well, if they were taken sick, most people would not pay much heed to a friend’s advice unless that friend was a qualified physician.

When it comes to their financial health, however, some people are all too willing to listen to a friend’s advice (however misguided this may be) rather than seek the help of a professional adviser.

But no two people’s needs and circumstances are ever quite the same. Each has to be carefully evaluated, and their individual needs identified, quantified and prioritised.

Knowing how

One of the main reasons why professional advice on savings and investment is needed is that people do not know how to identify their own savings and investment needs.

This is partly because they do not know the financial planning analysis process; partly because they are guided more by wishes (or perceived needs) than by actual needs; and partly because, without prompting, most people concentrate on short-term spending rather than on longer-term financial planning.

The tendency to spend rather than save is further strengthened by the fact that the immediate appeal of consumer goods (or having fun) is more evident and persuasive than the intangible, future benefits of saving.

Another reason for seeking professional advice lies in the fact that most people are unaware of the full range of financial products available to them. They are therefore not in a position to match their needs to the most suitable form of investment.

Even those who have amassed fortunes from their own businesses are often not knowledgeable about the opportunities available using financial planning products and techniques. Such well-off people can afford to employ experts to make investments on their behalf; but many people with equally little knowledge of investments are not in such a fortunate position.

Similarly, a large number of people who hold investments in, say, stock market securities do not understand what they own and have no idea whether or not the investment is suitable to their needs. In some cases, they inherited the shares from a deceased spouse or parent and haven’t a clue how they’re performing or what their value is. Others bought shares on a whim or because of what they heard on the TV business news. This is not financial planning nor strategic investing, it’s speculation.

Even investors who are aware of the main forms of investment open to them find there is a bewildering choice of each kind of investment product - and there will almost certainly be many more vehicles which they will not be aware of. Very few people have the ability to compare investment products in order to identify which is most suitable for their needs and which is likely to be the best value for their money.

Equally, few people are able to evaluate the multitude of companies that offer investment products in today’s highly sophisticated financial services industry, nor gauge their ability to produce good investment performance in the future. For such an evaluation, they need the services of an adviser with a wide knowledge of the market and full understanding of the products on offer.

Such an adviser will also know which kind of products offer the most tax-efficient return for the individual investor, after taking into account the tax treatment of the product and the tax position of the client.

There is no single type of product that is the most tax-efficient for all clients. Most savings and investment products are quite complex and need a skilled adviser to explain them.

What guarantees?

The distinction between guaranteed and un-guaranteed returns needs to be fully understood by potential investors, as does the negative effect of any risks attaching to un-guaranteed benefits.

Even the precise meaning of the word ‘guaranteed’ needs to be clarified. In some products, it means there will be an absolute guarantee of a fixed amount of money; in others the guarantee may apply only to a percentage of the benefit or depend upon the fulfilment of certain assumptions.

In short, every investment vehicle contains a mixture of advantages and disadvantages for the client. Investors need to understand fully the disadvantages which are usually set out in the small print; this often requires the services of an expert financial adviser.

Then, when it comes to constructing the portfolio - selecting the ‘horses’ that will pull your ‘cart’ - managing risk is an important consideration. Most amateur investors have no idea how to go about evaluating the potential risk involved with their investments, let alone managing it.

For all these reasons, people need expert advice from financial advisers. Without help, far too many people will make inappropriate investments. Worse still, many more will do nothing. They will never accumulate the capital they need or they will continue to hold inappropriate investments.

Objective guidance

A professional adviser can help in many ways, both in identifying your real needs, and then quantifying and prioritising these with you; and then offering you objective advice as to which types of investment are most appropriate to meeting these different needs with the resources you have available, and discussing the options that are open to you.

However, many clients do not see their financial adviser as the equivalent of the family doctor. They rely on their medical doctor’s professional advice with respect to their physical health, often without question; but rarely do they accept their financial adviser’s advice in the same way.

One of the reasons for this is that, sadly, the financial adviser is all too often not an objective, experienced professional with his client’s best interests in mind. His principal motivation is either his firm’s or his own self-interests.

Fortunately (in my view), the international financial services industry is becoming increasingly more regulated. Strict professional standards are now applied in such environments as the U.S.A. and U.K. (and even Hong Kong where a free-wheeling laissez faire attitude prevailed in the past), and regulatory bodies are given the power to enforce them.

This has raised the professional standards of the industry and weeded out a lot of the ‘cowboys’ whose dubious practices in the past have tended to give the industry a poor reputation.

In less well-regulated regimes (such as Thailand, for instance), some professionally ethical firms have established self-regulatory protocols and strict procedural guidelines for their financial consultants - but these firms are unfortunately few and far between.

Choosing wisely

Therefore, it is important when considering a financial adviser to establish his bona fides. How long has he been in the industry? With that firm? (And with how many others before?) How long has he lived and worked in Thailand? Does he have a Work Permit? (Many don’t) What qualifications or experience does he have to offer you financial advice? Is his firm a legally registered corporate entity? (Many aren’t) How many institutions does his firm represent? (This will tell you if he is a ‘tied’ adviser able to offer you only a limited range of investment vehicles or what his firm wants to sell you, or whether he is a truly independent financial adviser (‘IFA’) able to offer you “best advice” across a wide range of options.) Are these institutions large, internationally-recognised companies located in well-regulated regimes (which will indicate how secure your investments will be), or firms you’ve never heard of, located in places where the rules might be more “relaxed”?

If you’re not an experienced, sophisticated investor, it is quite possible that you wouldn’t have heard of the firm(s) your adviser is recommending to you. That does not necessarily mean it is not a perfectly respectable institution. But it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask for further details about that firm, or request their corporate brochure (which your adviser should be able to provide). Then, if you still have doubts, either check out the firm yourself or ask your adviser what other firms offer similar vehicles, and go through the same exercise until you are comfortable with the vehicle he is recommending to you and the firm providing it.

In my view it’s quite in order for you to question your adviser’s advice. After all, at the end of the day, it is your money not his that you are investing, and you have the right to be fully informed both of the benefits and downside (charges, penalties, restrictions, risk, etc.) that go with them.

And if you do not receive clear and satisfactory answers, you always have the choice to seek a second opinion - just as you would if your medical doctor diagnosed a serious illness that was going to require surgery or ongoing treatment that could seriously affect your lifestyle or your pocket.

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

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The Computer Doctor

by Richard Bunch

From Damien, Pattaya: Recently I have noticed noise coming from my computer. I fear this may be from my hard disk. This is 2.1Gb and is just over 3 years old. I am concerned as if this is the case I may lose my data which although it is not a lot I would not like to have to recreate it. I am running Windows 98 and every time I try to run Scandisk it seems to find more and more bad sectors and takes forever. What do you think my best course of action should be?

Computer Doctor replies: Most hard disks from major manufacturers are covered by a three year warranty, which it seems in your case will have expired. From the symptoms you have described I suspect your hard disk has suffered physical damage. This being the case I urge you to replace it as soon as you can, in the interim it would be advisable if you have the capacity to backup your data to removable media. You will find that hard disks are no longer available in 2.1Gb and the smallest commonly available is around 6.4Gb.

From Simon White, Pattaya: I have a problem, which I have been unable to resolve despite changing many settings. I have an SIS AGP card and MAG 17” monitor. Everything was going fine until I installed this AGP card. Since then, although the screen is quite viewable the monitor keeps switching itself on and off and when the computer starts the monitor goes into set-up mode. I am sure all the settings are correct and I think I have tried every permutation. Please can you advise me.

Computer doctor replies: I have come across this problem before with the SIS 6326 and it was resolved by updating the driver, which is available from SIS website at http://www.sis.com.tw/driver/vga.htm. I think this will resolve the situation. If this is not the case, try uninstalling the driver and running on a standard VGA, then reinstalling the updated driver.

Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at 370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or E-mail to [email protected]

Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer Technologies.

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Successfully Yours: Jean-Pierre Grzelczyk

by Mirin MacCarthy

You meet Jean-Pierre and he is smiling. You sit down to discuss his life and he is smiling. You discuss his business and he is smiling. “Are you always happy?” I ask. “Of course, I am always ‘appy!” was the response.

Jean-Pierre has one of the largest moving companies in Thailand. Called B&J, he is the “J”. The “B” stands for his Thai partner in their haulage business - and they can certainly haul. With a fleet of 52 prime movers (32 of them enormous Scammells) Jean-Pierre is proud of the way his company operates. “We move anything from 1 kg to 1,500 tons. The largest load was a 1,304 ton reactor for the Shell refinery at Map Ta Phut. The longest load was a 104 meter, 88 tons fractionating column.”

But Ban Chang, where he has his office, is a long way from France and like most expats, there has been the twisting road to arrive in Thailand.

His unusual surname is the heritage of a French mother and Polish father, but Jean-Pierre was born in Doli, France on the Swiss border and knows he is French. His schooling was completed in France, through to a degree in Mechanical Engineering. Young Jean-Pierre always “‘ad a dream to travel”, so like his father became involved in the petro-chemical business.

His first posting was to Indonesia followed by a stint in Iran. Initially he enjoyed that country, having been an admirer of Persian history, but witnessing the breakdown of the society, he returned to Indonesia and Borneo. It was on these relocating trips that he first became acquainted with Thailand, with Bangkok being a major stopover port.

As luck would have it, he was then drafted here to open a gas pipeline from Sattahip to Saraburi, and after completion he stayed, now having been here for nine years.

Jean-Pierre is very proud of what B&J have accomplished in that time. “We offer a 100% service, from door to door. We have ISO 9002 accreditation and maintain a quality of service with safety and security.” Jean-Pierre sat back and smiled again.

Delving deeper into Jean-Pierre the family man brought out one sad note, but not one that could repress this man. He has a grown family in France, but lost his eldest son, Arnaud, to brain cancer three years ago. “He was only twenty, but he was happy to the end. I keep his photo on the wall and a picture of a Deux Cheval in my office that keeps me smiling. It is so important to be ‘appy.”

Family values are important to Jean Pierre, in fact he places them right up there above friends, people, peace and diplomacy. “I want to be happy with my family so we all have a good time together. With relating to people it is important to do something positive to show we can all live together. It is essential to show everyone that we can all live together peacefully. I have a horror of war and violence. We can solve any problem with diplomacy without dispute.”

Jean Pierre has a 2-yr. old Thai son here. “I am very lucky with my Thai wife, Tira, she was my executive secretary for 5 years, speaks French and is a beautiful person and mother to our son.” He smiled again, but with pride.

When he is not working, his hobbies include reading books. “When I ‘ave the time, on the history of France and magazines, naturally about transport and world events too.” Jean Pierre likes soccer, Formula 1 racing, and all men’s stuff.

His plans for the future are to stay here! “The Thais are a nice people, it’s a nice life. If we can bring know how and contribute in a positive way then I am ‘appy.”

Success to Jean-Pierre is simple. “The key to success in business here is to explain that this is a world wide market and the key criterion is an international standard quality. For example, we put all our 100 employees through an 80 hour training course in English language communication.”

His advice to expats wanting to do business here is, “Bring something new to the country, be serious, be present and control your business 100%. Take one and a half to two years first just to observe Thai ways before you start.”

Jean-Pierre certainly is the positive happy success story, and his endeavours have not gone un-noticed, having been awarded Public Honours both by France, from President Jacques Chirac and a Royal Commendation here from Princess Maha Chakri Srindhorn for his charity work. “Personally I enjoy what I am doing. I have to create, innovate, to give something positive. I would not be happy with a nine to five job.” He smiled, the interview was over. “Bon chance, Jean-Pierre.” It was a pleasure to meet you.

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Snap Shots: Window photography

by Harry Flashman

Some people say that photography represents a window to the world, and that may be so. However, windows can help make your photographs much better than before, too.

Let us have a look at the way you can make windows work for you. By the way, this week’s exercise is good for anyone with any camera. No fancy dials to twiddle, f stops to select or shutter speeds to monitor. This is real point and shoot stuff, but you will come back with some good shots. Guaranteed!

The first way we will use a window is the window of your car. The trick here is to sit in the passenger’s seat with the window open (sorry, autofocus does not work through glass) and photograph the world as your driver takes you down the roads and Sois of your home town. Wide angle lenses are the best to choose if you have a choice, but you will find that you can get some very different shots as you drive slowly along. What happens is that your speed becomes very slow, compared to any moving target subject - for example, a motorcyclist, but your speed is very much faster than the background. The end result will be a sharp shot of someone on the motorcycle in front of a totally blurred background.

With this type of shot you will have people with their hair streaming out behind them and lots of action without a cluttered background. The secret is to make your speed as equal as possible to the subject’s rate of travel. This way you do not need fast shutter speeds to “stop” the action as your relative speed to each other is zero!

While you are in the car, take a shot looking into the exterior rear vision mirror. Sounds crazy, but you can get some very interesting shots that way too!

The other “window” shot you should look at taking is the classic “frame within a frame” type of shot. Incorporate the window frame in your shot so that you are looking at the subject of the photograph through the window and you instantly have got a winner. This technique never fails! Believe Harry here.

Contrasting the smooth complexion of a young girl with the rough wall and window frame will add even more interest to the shot. Remember that by putting contrasts and textures into a picture you increase impact of the shot itself.

Put the window frame at the intersection of thirds in the shot (one third in from either side and one third up or one third down from the bottom or top) and you have now produced a classic shot with perfect placement and great impact. Look at today’s photo with this article. It comes from Harry’s favourite photographer Larry Dale Gordon and follows all the “rules”. It has got texture, impact and placement - and isn’t it a great shot. Harry just wishes he had taken it!

Photo Processing

It is always hard to get good consistent photo processing results in Pattaya, so if you have found a good shop, hang on to it! The situation is the same for Harry Flashman, and the Kodak outlet on Beach Road next to McDonalds has been doing good consistent work for the past six months. Good colour and sharply focussed photo printer. Very pleasant staff, too. Unfortunately, they have now relocated, so if you are looking for them, they are now at “Easy Express” on Pattaya Second Road, close to Golden Beach Hotel (almost opposite Soi 11), phone number 01-846 4719 if you get lost! Same consistent quality and sharpness in their prints. You’ll meet Harry going in or out every day! See you there.

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Modern Medicine: Nails!

by Dr Iain Corness

All nails are a nuisance, aren’t they? Were you told as a child, “Stop biting your nails!” You most probably were. Then there was the time you fell over and ripped off the nail on your big toe. Painful! And then it grew back and became ingrown and you needed an operation to correct it. Nails are more than a nuisance - they can be a real problem!

However, nails are there for a reason. They protect the very end of your fingers and toes (they are the bits you drop bricks on, squash in car doors, hit with hammers, etc.) and actually help in your sense of fine touch. This is without even considering them the fashion accessory they are today. Without them, the sales of nail polish would grind to a halt!

Nails are also, in many instances, the mirror of your soul - well, the mirror of your inner health if nothing else. There are so many ailments that can show themselves in the nails it is quite fantastic.

Small pinhead sized pitting can be seen in Psoriasis, as well as separation of the nail from the nail bed, which we call Onycholysis. Eczema can cause larger pitting and ridging of the nails. There is another interesting condition called Lichen Planus that can cause longitudinal ridges to occur in the nails. You can see longitudinal red and white streaks in the nail bed and V shaped notches of the ends of the nails in a condition called Darier’s disease, a follicular skin condition.

The nails are also adversely affected by temporary ailments that can give rise to transverse ridges across the nails, called Beau’s lines. You can also get “clubbed” nails, with them bent over the end of the digit. This is often caused by cigarette smoking. The reverse, which is spoon shaped nails, is seen in iron deficiency anaemia.

Looking at the half moons (the lanulae) you can get red ones in congestive cardiac failure, azure ones in Hepatolenticular degeneration and white ones with Cirrhosis of the liver. The whole nail can turn yellow with lymphoedema and you may get white stripes with Arsenic poisoning.

If that is not enough, there are various conditions that affect the nail directly. Paronychia, that painful infected swelling alongside the nail is associated with nail biting (yes, we have a word for it - Onychophagia), while many fungal infections will cause discolouration and splitting of the nail from the nail bed. My favourite nail condition has to be Onychogryphosis, now that’s a name and a half, where the nails (especially toe nails) become so thick and horned that you need special cutters to attack them. You often see this with the elderly.

So there you are, nails are a study all to themselves. Nail specialists do exist - and they are not nice ladies on the beach with several bottles of nail polish! If your nails begin to change, perhaps it is time for a medical checkup to see which particular Onycho-something you’ve got.

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Dear Hillary,

This sounds silly, but I come over as a tourist from the UK three times a year. The only thing I really miss is my cup of tea in the mornings. Where can I get a good cup of tea?

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

Tea never sounds silly. In Japan they make a ceremony out of serving delicate cups of tea. Chinese green tea is said to be slimming. Indian teas are reputed to be healing, Pitta tea with it’s mix of Cardamom, Liquorice, Ginger, Cinnamon and Rose Petals is recommended for it’s cooling effect and to balance the mind and body when irritable and impatient. Being a Brit, we are guessing that you are addicted to Twinings Earl Grey or Lemon Scented. My advice to you is either bring your own over, or buy it from a supermarket such as Friendship. Then again, have you ever tasted the great Thai tea? A lot of little roadside restaurants make it, it is just a matter of wandering around and asking, “Cha ron mai?” that means “Hot Tea no?” It comes in a glass, hot, a bright orange colour with a lemony taste. Drink it without milk and just a squeeze of lemon. Enjoy.

Dear Hillary,

One hears a lot about credit card fraud here in Thailand. Is it safe to buy goods or services over the internet using a credit card? I have been tempted on many occasions but cannot afford to lose a lot of money through a credit card scam.

Veesa

Dear Veesa,

It all depends on from whom you are purchasing and whether they guarantee the safety of the transaction. This is not a paid advertisement, but Hillary has bought books over the Internet from amazon.com and never been ripped off. As they say in the classics, “You pay your money and you take your chances,” though the chances of fraud with reputable international companies are negligible. Computer hackers are more likely to zap into huge military and government organizations rather than waste their glee on private citizens like Veesa and Hillary. Besides, Hillary has herself been the victim of credit card fraud, herein lies the benefit of carefully scrutinizing all your credit card statements. All Hillary had to do was telephone the card organization and say that she did not purchase said goods and had no knowledge of them and the transaction was not deducted from the Hillary card account after the fraud was proven.

Dear Hillary,

A business colleague has been approached from some people in Nigeria regarding excess funds held in an account over there. These people are saying that if my friend lets them use his bank account here, they will let him keep 60% of the money. This would amount to several million US dollars. Is it legal? Is it safe? We would appreciate your reply as soon as possible, as the Nigerian people say we will have to move quickly, because if they have another revolution they will lose access to the surplus account.

Worried

Dear Worried,

Are you or your colleague crazy? Perhaps both of you should sign up for Gamblers Anonymous! That scheme is fraudulent to the maximum. As surely as the sun rises and sets and will continue to do so for a while yet, that scheme is giant rip off. It is neither legal nor safe. Have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Do not lose a minute’s sleep over it and even less money!

Dear Hillary,

Why do the authorities here seem unable to spell? Place names get spelled any old how and you will even see street signs with different spelling at each end of the road. Surely the traffic sign manufacturers must have access to an English dictionary?

Spelling Bee

Dear Bee,

Do you have a bee in your bonnet! How long have you been here anyway? Haven’t you discovered that the Thai alphabet has 40 characters in it compared to the English 26? Therefore nothing can be or is accurately transliterated into English. Any reasonable phonetic interpretation is generally acceptable. That is part of the charm of the place. Consider that this is Thailand, the home of the Thais and Thai language, think yourself lucky there are any signs written English at all. Lighten up and enjoy.

Dear Hillary,

Read your response to the person who wrote about the food vendors; and I agree 100%! I have had many a delicious meal from the vendors. Bon appetite!

James

Dear James,

Thank you for the compliment, Hillary just loves them. By the way, have you tried the fried beetles in Walking Street yet? Crunchy mon ami! Incidentally, when Hillary goes dining, if she’s paying - it’s the food carts. If you’re paying - it’s Bruno’s!

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GRAPEVINE

Jeep bleep
A man stopped for speeding on Sukhumvit Highway this week had a novel explanation of why he was doing over 100k in a built up area. He claimed that the ten year old Suzuki had developed annoying rattles and squeaks which were driving him mad. However, he had noticed the unwelcome noises disappeared once he really put his foot down on the accelerator. He was fined 400 baht on the spot and told to play loud music in future whilst driving. The man told friends later that would be impossible as he could not play any instrument.

Sin City syndrome
The latest scam on the Internet is from a British company offering a Pattaya Preparation Package. Mrs. Elsie Proctor, from Heaton Park in Manchester, said she and her husband were considering a holiday in Pattaya as they had heard there are many amusements here. So it seemed a good idea to be as well briefed as possible. Elsie duly sent off a cheque for thirty pounds only to receive a disappointing video of white sandy beaches, crashing waves and seagulls with sound effects. On the same day, DHL delivered a much larger package to the household which comprised a self assembly deck chair kit.

Christmas is coming
Pattaya hoteliers are licking their lips at the prospect of a bumper high season into the new century. Reservations are flooding in by telephone, fax and e mail. Sensing a captive audience, some posher hotels are insisting that any package must include compulsory dinners on Christmas day and New Year’s eve. This is the route to take if you want to spend upwards of 4,000 baht on a piece of turkey and ye old oak ham. None the less, expect the busiest season in recent history. The quiz bars, for example, have canceled the competitions for three weeks from mid December. They expect to be so busy selling drinks that there simply won’t be room to accommodate lusters after knowledge.

Ups and downs
A newly hired janitor at a very famous hotel of five stars was asked to clean an elevator which was admittedly a trifle grimy. The job took him all of four days, although the elevator was now without doubt the cleanest and sparkiest it had ever been. His confused supervisor asked him why the task had taken him so long. “Well, there are twelve of them, one on each floor, and sometimes some of them aren’t there.” Must be some sort of record.

Buffet par excellence
The Grapevine Eating Out Collective (GEOC) was very impressed by the Friday evening Italian buffet on offer at the Amari Orchid Hotel in North Pattaya. If you don’t mind paying 295 baht ++, the choice of soups, salads, pastas and main meat and fish courses is arguably the best value around. And the observant and attentive staff were spot on. If your budget is smaller, don’t hesitate to try the nightly buffets (farang and Thai) at the Lek or Apex hotels on Second Road where you will pay well under 100 baht. Views differ on which of the two is best value, but you won’t regret trying both of them.

Legal eagle
What can farangs expect if they overstay their visa? The standard procedure is a court appearance and a fine of 3,000 baht or a month in jail if they can’t pay. This is followed by automatic deportation by the immigration police to the airport for the flight home. You must pay for your own air ticket. Cashless travelers, or those without understanding friends or relatives willing to help financially, must remain in jail. It is, incidentally, a common myth that if you make it under your own steam to the airport, the worst that can happen to you is a fine of 200 baht for each day’s overstay. That’s possible, but the worst is an arrest followed by the procedure described above. The golden rule, if you think you may go into overstay for any reason, is to visit the immigration bureau before you break Thai law.

Bits and pieces
Resident expat Philip Morgan has received a ragged, torn and dirty letter from South London. But don’t blame the Thai postal system. The letter was marked by the British sorting office, “Sorry, partly eaten by swans”… Soi Eight bar fly Bankrupt Bert wants it to be known that he will not be celebrating his birthday on Sunday, but will be happy to sing for his supper (and breakfast and lunch). Bert says he will wear different colored flip flops to ease identification. A farang was observed in a leading store perusing a book The Diaries of Raoul de Roussy de Sales 1938-1942. He turned to his wife and said, “Well, that certainly is amazing. Fancy a child four years old keeping a diary.”

Tail pieceSaid to be Dan Quale’s last official pronouncement. He asked the woman stood next to him, “And who might you be?” She replied, “I’m your secret service agent sir.”

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Dining Out: Royal Cliff Grand’s BBQ - Saturday Night Fever

by Miss Terry Diner

Last week the Dining Out Team went to the Grand Wing of the Royal Cliff Beach Resort to try out the Saturday evening BBQ. It was the first time for all of us in the team and we were probably not quite prepared for the size and scope of this BBQ evening.

Held in the outside area of the Grand’s restaurant, this is an idyllic quiet spot, overlooking the gardens and the Bay of Siam. The foresight of the developers in selecting this area to build such a hotel should be applauded. From where we sat, the Grand Wing is quite majestic, with pillars soaring skywards, acres of glass and an air of spaciousness. The abilities of the architect to envisage a building of these proportions is also such as to leave one in awe.

But let us not forget just why we went there - it was to eat. The BBQ is an all inclusive, all you can eat deal. Like the surroundings, the total concept was again awesome. A central buffet station with a veritable army of staff in the centre waits for you. There were sections with cold entrees, hot entrees, bakery items, food warmers with Thai selections, BBQ plates and grillers, seafood, meats and a carvery. That list does not do justice to the incredibly large selection of food available. Would you believe marinated beef fillet, chicken in coconut, spare ribs, marinated prawns, seafood kebabs, rock lobsters, lamb kebabs, king prawns with fresh herbs, steamed mussels with basil leaves, beef skewers, lamb skewers and pork skewers?

We began with smoked salmon, sliced while we watched. Typical of the impeccable nature of the Royal Cliff Beach Resort, the capers, boiled eggs, sour cream and onion were also right there with the salmon. There was no need to ask for the accompaniments - the attention to detail was evident. (Also evident was the Executive Chef, Walter Thenisch, quietly overseeing the groaning tables.)

While receiving the salmon, we also spotted the oysters. Freshly opened by the chef himself, they looked just too inviting. They were! A second trip up to the cold entrees was required and a dozen oysters joined the salmon.

We sat back and let the entrees settle while enjoying a cold bottle of Banrock Station unwooded Chardonnay (a 1998 Gold Medal Winner, thank you Jean-Fernand) and prepared ourselves for the BBQ side of the evening. This turned out to be the slickest BBQ we have had. Instead of waiting 15 minutes while your meat selection cooks, the Grand BBQ has already pre-grilled these items, keeping them warm and all that is needed is a quick sear and flame and the steak is ready, hot and on your plate. No waiting!

There were other BBQ items too, so as well as my steak, a rock lobster was added and a couple of slices of roast leg of lamb. Was there mint sauce to go with it? Of course there was, this was the Royal Cliff! My partner also managed to find a space for some chicken satays and a grilled king prawn or two. Roast potatoes and a vegetable selection finished Madame and for myself a small portion of fried rice completed the mains plate.

While desserts described as “wickedly indulgent” were on offer, there was no room left and a nibble at some fetta cheese marked the end of one of the most complete and comprehensive BBQ’s the Dining Out team has experienced. It certainly was much more than just a bit of bull on the barbie, and at 650 Baht all inclusive, represents a small price for an evening that was, in the immortal words of Tina Turner - “Simply the best”. Whether you wish to impress clients or visitors, or just indulge yourself, remember the Grand BBQ on Saturday evenings. You will not regret it.

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Animal Crackers: Dog Training or Owner Training?

by Mirin MacCarthy

Forewarned is forearmed

Pets, and dogs especially, always have an impact in your life. Some of them can take you over and be more expensive and disruptive than children. Read up on your prospective adoptee first.

Why do you want a dog?

Dogs need adequate housing, training and constant grooming, veterinary care and daily exercise. Look at your reasons for wanting the animal. Decide if you want a pet, a watchdog, a guard companion dog, a working dog or a business security dog. Then choose an appropriate breed for your needs. Consider the extensive (and expensive) veterinary bills.

Other things to consider - Young puppies are surprisingly destructive and need lots of play and supervision. Dogs are the only animals that live their whole life for man, so make sure you understand the commitment and responsibility before taking it on. All dogs need obedience training for your sake and theirs.

Where do you go?

Edward Gibson from U.K. Kennels Pattaya says, “Mongrels often make the best watchdog and guard companions. The best security dogs, though, are the Shepherds, the Belgian Shepherds, Rotweilers and Dobermans.”

Edward breeds, boards and sells dogs and puppies as well as conducting all sorts of obedience and security training. He hails from the U.K. with a background as a dog handler for the Military Police in the U.K.

Get some advice

Try to buy from a breeder, see the whole litter if possible and choose the strongest and boldest. The breeders’ or shop premises should be clean, and the pups bright eyed, with clean ears, cool moist noses, and clean, unsoiled bottoms. They should move steadily, have firm bodies with elastic skin and clean coats. Never take a shy, sickly or undersized pup because it is offered cheap.

Family guard companion dog

The family guard protection dog must be carefully reared, trained and housed. A good guard properly trained will not only protect but will drop its guard at the command of its owner. The family guard dog should not be handled, played with or fed by anyone without its own family circle. The guard dog must not have or desire any relationship outside it’s own family.

How much does training cost?

Simple obedience training is not expensive, and UK Kennels carries this out for around 200 Baht per day, but the length of time necessary depends a lot on the dog.

We had the opportunity to see his beautiful guard/companion dog Jet, a huge black Belgian Shepherd, taught to protect Edward and his wife. Showing his loyalty to his master, Jet had no intention of allowing me to walk away with him.

Edward Gibson can be contacted at the U.K. Kennels South Pattaya, telephone 709379.

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Auto Mania: Clean, green and mean

by Dr. Iain Corness

For many reasons (some of which seem quite daft to me) the automotive world is spending vast billions to develop alternative power sources for the motor car. The hybrids like the Prios work on fuel cells and electric motors combined, while Daimler-Chrysler have developed a hydrogen powered beast called the NECAR 4 which converts the chemicals into electric power. At this stage it is a running EV and D-C state. They expect to have the cars in production by 2004, but I personally doubt if it will make it to production.

One of the hidden problems with this new technology is the cost of the fuel. While it is assumed the source of hydrogen will be by breaking down “free” water into hydrogen and oxygen by using electricity, how much does this production cost?

The costs of hydrogen produced this way depends on the cost of the electricity and the capital costs of the equipment, both electrolysis and on-board vehicle equipment, necessary to obtain, store, and use the hydrogen.

BMW gas car.

Electricity, however, is not cheap, and neither is the infrastructure required to electrolyse, compress, and store large amounts of hydrogen. With electricity nominally at 2 Baht per kwh, the cost of hydrogen fuel would be about 40 Baht a litre. This means that hydrogen powered vehicles are currently too expensive to run.

The motor industry is continuing on, however, and Daimler-Chrysler unveiled their zero-emission, fuel-cell vehicle this year and claim it can reach a top speed of 140 kph, and has a range of over 400 kays on a tank.

Based on a Mercedes-Benz compact, NECAR 4 (short for New Electric Car), uses fuel cells to convert hydrogen and oxygen into electricity to power the car. The car releases only water vapour into the air, making it more clean and green than traditional gas vehicles.

“NECAR 4 is a major breakthrough in fuel cell technology because we’ve developed a very powerful fuel cell system small enough to be packaged in a compact car,” said Dr. Ferdinand Panik, head of Daimler-Chrysler’s Fuel Cell Project. There is reason for this mutual back-slapping by D-C because the first fuel cell filled the back of a Mercedes van!

The liquid hydrogen that powers NECAR 4 is stored in an insulated tank in the back of the vehicle, but because it has to be kept cold, Daimler-Chrysler says it is an impractical fuel. Future fuel cell cars would use methanol, which contains hydrogen and is the auto industry’s favoured fuel to power fuel cells. Already Daimler-Chrysler plans to replace NECAR 4 with NECAR X, which will run on methanol. The rub here, however, is that methanol burners produce emissions!

The company will invest more than $1.4 billion on fuel cell technology development by the time the first fuel cell vehicles come to market, said D-C officials.

“With NECAR 4, we’ve already proven that fuel cell technology is viable. Now we are working to make the technology affordable for every consumer,” said Juergen Schrempp, Daimler-Chrysler chairman.

However, their engineers say there is still a lot of work to be done before next year, when they aim to develop a fleet of demonstration cars based on NECAR X.

Other companies, including Ford Motor Corporation, General Motors, Toyota and Honda, also hope to market fuel cell vehicles by 2004, so maybe it’s time to divest yourself of your petroleum shares about now?

BMW, on the other hand, have been progressing with a natural gas fuel source and are shortly releasing the 523g, which is a 5 series powered by compressed natural gas (CNG). The 3 litre engine delivers a reported 135 KW (184 bhp), so it can drag itself along quite nicely thank you. The emissions are such that they claim the output from the exhaust is cleaner than the smoggy air aspirated by the engine in the first place. Sort of like your automotive sucker fish that runs round cleaning up your aquarium!

BMW also claim that their long term aim is to produce a hydrogen powered car. Rather than say this type of fuel is impractical, BMW feels the technology for all this will come from their experience with Liquid Natural Gas.

In the meantime, you can happily drive around in the 5 series 523g - provided you can find a CNG pump at your local Servo - or should we be calling them “Gas” stations again?

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week the question related to the world first for hydraulic brakes. This was again an American development and it was Fred Duesenberg who pioneered with 4 wheel hydraulics on the 1921 Model A. The first mass produced car to fit them was the Chrysler 70 of 1924. For all the British chaps who might like to challenge this - the first UK cars to fit them were the 1925 Triumphs and Horstmans. So there!

Actually received an email from Hawaii Pete Cabrey saying the American questions were too hard and could we go back to the European ones! And this was after he personally requested questions on American iron. Ah well, I suppose I could always ask which Ferrari model came out with three wheels - answer: Eddie Irvine’s F399 at Nurburgring!

There have not been too many lady race drivers of note in the world, but some have reached the top echelon. Janet Guthrie in America was one, though when she came to Australia to run in the famous 1000 km Bathurst tin-top races she met her match. The only F1 lady race driver I can recall was Lella Lombardi, who also came to Oz and didn’t impress too much in a Formula 5000. Christabel Carlisle was the darling of the Mini set and a ferocious driver in the BMC bricks.

So in line with all this, who was the first lady racing driver? Here’s a clue - her husband was also a racer and in her first race she came 4th, while her husband came 6th! She was French and drove a French car. First correct answer to fax 427 596 or email [email protected] wins the FREE beer for this week. There you go, Hawaii Pete, how much more European can you get?

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Fitness Tips: Waste Watch

by David Garred, 
Club Manager Dusit Resort Sports Club

G’day Pattaya.

Further to the fitness tips article last week, you might recall that I opened with, “Over the past couple of months I have been working on a nutritional educational package for the members of the club”. This week I want to briefly summarise what it was that went through my head at the initial stages of this programme’s development.

Put extremely briefly, exercise alone is not enough; this is also true of dieting. The two must be done in conjunction and both require professional advice to increase the rate of maximal return of results to the participant. I’ll be addressing the eating side of this in the next few weeks, but today I want to tackle the exercising alone issue.

Why is exercise a necessary, but not a sufficient technique for weight control?

The limitations of exercise as a sole means of weight balance are now becoming better understood. As well as a possible genetic link explaining why some people are more effective at losing weight than others, there are counterbalancing effects of exercise on weight balance which help to reduce its effectiveness. These are illustrated below:

Supporting weight loss: Moderating weight loss

1. Creates an energy deficit. Non significant NETT effect.
2. Preserves lean body mass. Decrease in TEE through SPA.
3. Increases metabolism. Changes FM leads to reduce EE.
4. Increases fat oxidation. Increases long term food intake.
5. Controls short term food intake. Increases ‘efficiency’.
6. Changes muscle morphology. ACE gene role.

On the positive side, exercise helps to decrease body weight by:

1. Creating an energy deficit: Exercise uses energy and this has to come from somewhere. Without adjustments that occur physiologically (within the body), it may and usually does come from fat stores.

2. Preserves lean body mass: By saving muscle, fat loss is aided over diet because of the effect of muscle on metabolic rate. Muscle mass is saved when the muscle is used to the same level over the long term, if you ignore your muscles then you will lose size (mass) and strength.

3. Increases Metabolism: This occurs through muscle maintenance and an increase in excess post-exercise oxygen consumption. I.E., the muscles burn out the energy during exercise and that must be replenished, after exercise the metabolism is still wound up whilst replenishing the energy sources - oxygen being one of them.

4. Increases fat oxidation: With greater amounts of exercise, at the correct intensity, more fat, in contrast to carbohydrate, is used as the muscles’ “fuel source”.

5. Controls short term food intake: By nature, after completion of an exercise session, the body’s requirement for food decreases immediately after exercise.

6. Changes muscle morphology: Exercised muscle becomes more efficient at utilising intramuscular fat stores. I.E., a muscle that is regularly ‘worked out’ will tend to draw more upon its internal fat stores than a neglected muscle, which will use other sources of energy.

On the negative side, exercise is not as good as may be expected in weight loss because:

1. There may be an inefficient NETT effect: If not exercising, a person is usually burning energy doing something but very little at these times. Hence, the NETT, rather than the gross effect of energy use must be considered. You burn energy during the workout - NETT effect - and to lose weight this must compensate for more than the total energy intake, food & drink consumed, before your gross effect is enough for you to lose weight (fat).

2. There may be an insignificant increase in energy expenditure due to decreased Spontaneous Physical Activity (SPA): With some people, an increase in exercise, particularly the elderly, may decrease spontaneous energy use for the rest of the day without being aware they are doing so. They might think that because they went for a walk or swim, they need not do all the other things that occur in a normal day, or possibly they are too tired - diet needs to be looked at here.

3. Changed fat mass leads to reduced energy expenditure: As weight decreases, so does metabolic rate (not a good thing) and this tends to have a moderating effect on weight loss. However, if in the process of losing this weight from fat burning activity you manage to grow some muscle your metabolic rate will not reduce (good thing).

4. Increased long-term food intake: With regular exercise, there is an increased long-term food intake, which may or may not be compensated for by the energy used in exercise. Obviously you will need to be careful to not over eat with this situation.

5. Increased efficiency: As fitness increases and the body adapts to bio-mechanical stresses (the load you put on your body when exercising), less energy is used to carry out the same amount of exercise. The adaptation period is 6-8 weeks, thus you will need to update your programme around this time so your body is continually adapting and burning the optimal amount of energy.

6. ACE gene role: There may be a genetic/environmental interaction determining why some people lose weight more easily with exercise than others. Studies are inconclusive but there is still a strong argument for people being genetically predisposed to being overweight, but that argument is still based on a ‘may be’.

Summing up the balance

While exercise may not be the sufficient condition for weight loss that some people think, it is still a necessary part of any weight loss programme. It becomes even more important for long term weight maintenance. If exercise is not enough to get it off (the fat that is) in first place, take a good look at your eating habits. The combination of a productive exercise programme and eating a nutritionally balanced diet is the only way.

Carpe’ Diem

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