Family Money: All You Never Wanted To Know About Inflation

By Leslie Wright

Inflation affects all of us whether we like it or not.

Almost every day we read that governments are concerned about keeping inflation under control, and what the current inflation rate is.

When in past articles I have suggested that inflation needs to be taken into account in your financial planning - especially retirement planning - some critics quote me the current figures in the U.S. as if these figures have always been the norm, and can be applied universally.

Not so.

In fact, we’re currently enjoying a period of historically very low world-wide inflation

As you will discover later in this article (or recall if you lived through it) inflation in the U.S. - by far the world’s largest economy - has varied tremendously in the last half-century, and only in relatively recent times has it been kept under control by sound fiscal policies.

In Europe and the U.K. also, inflation has been up in double digits several times, and only in recent years has it been maintained at relatively low figures - but still higher than applies in the U.S. at present.

In Thailand also, I recall the headlines of less than five years ago whereby the government of the day was praising itself for bringing inflation under double digits for the first time in over two decades.

Defining inflation

So what exactly is this thing called inflation, and what causes it? Even more pertinently, what effects does it have on us as individuals?

It is a process in which the average level of prices increases at a substantial rate over a considerable period of time. In short, more money is required each year to buy a given amount of goods and services.

One can measure the rate of inflation as either the annual percentage rate of increase in the average price level or decrease in the value of money.

Inflation properly refers only to episodes in which the rate of inflation is substantially positive over a considerable time period. What is meant by substantially positive may depend on recent experiences.

In the United States during the mid-1960s an inflation rate of 3% per year aroused great alarm; but some countries’ governments have proclaimed victory over inflation by bringing the rate down from 50% or even 200% per year to only 10%.

Deflation is the opposite of inflation: a period of substantially falling prices and rising value of money.

Explaining inflation

Explanations of inflation run along two lines: the general, or monetary, explanation and various ‘special-factor’ explanations.

The monetary explanation views inflation as always and everywhere the result of an excessive growth rate of money.

Special-factor explanations relate each specific inflation to particular economic conditions that occur before or during the inflation.

The monetary explanation starts with the observation that rising prices are the same thing as a falling value of money. The more money there is, relative to the goods and services to be bought, the less valuable is each Dollar (or Pound or Baht).

A period of increasing prices occurs when the quantity of money grows faster than real demand for it, measured in terms of the goods and services the money buys.

Thus, an inflation requires either a rapid growth in the money supply or a persistently falling real demand for money.

Money-supply growth

Rapid money-supply growth may occur for a number of reasons, depending on the type of money used in a country.

When money consisted of gold coins or paper exchangeable for gold, inflation followed major gold discoveries.

As discussed in this column over the past fortnight, money is no longer convertible to a precious metal in most countries, but is either bank notes printed by the government or checking deposits exchangeable only for paper money.

Rapid monetary growth can occur when a government sells securities to help finance a war or pay for other government programs, thus expanding the money supply through deficit spending.

Alternatively, a government in concert with its central bank may encourage growth of the money supply through an expansionary monetary policy that increases bank reserves, and thus loanable funds.

Countries may also increase their money supply to maintain a stable domestic price for an inflating foreign currency, such as the U.S. dollar.

Monetarist economists believe that unusual events may decrease the growth rate of real-money demand in any particular year but that over any considerable period of time these events average out.

As a result the average growth rate of real-money demand is quite stable (measured in terms of the goods or services to be bought), and sustained inflation arise only from rapid money-supply growth.

It is here that the special-factor explanations differ.

Special factors

Special-factor explanations focus on particular events or sequences of events - not necessarily directly related to the money supply - to explain an episode of inflation.

An example of this approach observes that a large increase in the price of imported oil would tend to make the consuming nation poorer and so reduce its purchasing power and raise prices.

A whole sequence of such events - and the absence of offsetting conditions (such as increased output) tending to increase real-money demand - may be used to explain a given inflation.

In response, the monetarist will say that over periods of four or five years there is very little variation in the growth of real money measured in terms of purchasing power.

A hybrid explanation of inflation begins with some special factor as the start of the process.

If the initial cause relates to the costs of producing goods and services, some economists have termed the process cost-push inflation.

If, for example, the price of oil increases (as it has recently after a period of very low prices), the resulting increase in prices may result in higher wage demands by workers who want to maintain their current standards of living.

Producers may try to pass wage increases along to the consumer through higher prices; producers could meet increased wage demands by increased borrowing, which the central bank can accommodate through larger bank reserves, which increase the money supply.

Governments fear the temporary increase in unemployment that would result if the demands were frustrated.

Thus, the argument goes, a government increases money-supply growth, which leads to further price increases and starts the whole process over again.

This sort of price-cost-money vicious circle - or the so-called wage-price spiral - converts what might otherwise be a temporary increase in the rate of inflation into a substantial and sustained one.

Contemporary Inflation

In most parts of Western Europe and especially the U.K., prices of staple commodities remained remarkably stable for a period of about three hundred years from the 17th to the early part of the 20th century.

Inflation as the current generation knows it has really been a phenomenon only of this century, and caused largely by government policies.

In the U.S., for instance, average price levels grew very little from the end of the Korean War until the mid-1960s, when contemporary inflation began.

Although more rapid money growth began as early as 1962 or 1963 in the U.S., inflation did not immediately result.

This delay occurred because the first effect of more rapid money growth is temporarily to reduce unemployment and stimulate the output of goods and services.

Subsequently, however, increased growth in production costs - wages, rents, and equipment prices - results in higher final prices of goods and services purchased by consumers.

Thus in a period of inflation (even a slow creeping one) we all have to pay more for the goods we buy, and in a period of continued high-employment, the tendency is to demand higher wages to pay for these goods and maintain our lifestyles at the same level.

This starts the cycle off again, and a price-wage spiral begins.

(to be continued next week)

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

Successfully Yours: Bjorn Richardson

by Mirin MacCarthy

Bjorn Richardson, Resident Manager of the Royal Garden Resort has had such a varied background he should be zebra striped. He is a large man and larger than life, born in Sweden, brought up in Africa, trained as a construction Engineer, managed an African Game Lodge, joined the Swedish Cavalry and has now found a home in Thailand.

Bjorn is here to stay. From his first welcoming moments 5 years ago Thailand has invaded his heart. "I had quite a few Thai friends in high school in Sweden. I felt at home the minute I stepped off the plane in Bangkok. I definitely hit the jackpot straight away."

Bjorn’s mother was a journalist and his father a civil engineer. The family traveled extensively. "I grew up in Kenya and Nigeria. What I really loved about that was the wildlife and the bush. We would go out on safaris and the elephants would just walk through the camp."

As a teenager he went back to Europe, studying construction engineering, but found that this does not guarantee overseas jobs. He spent four months in Pau near the Pyrenees in the South of France brushing up on his French. Then at age 20 it was back to Sweden for two years military service. "It was so much fun I stayed on for another two years. I joined a cavalry unit and we were mounted guards and escorts for the King."

"I then took leave from the Army and worked as a guide at the Botswana Game Lodge in the Okavango Delta for three months. I was everything, cook, bartender, manager, guide. I loved every minute of it but I couldn’t get a contract."

Why after all this various experience did he decide on being an hotelier as a career? "It was really a stroke of luck. I quit the army and went to hotel school at Nuchatel. At the time I thought, I like to eat and drink and travel, so why not? It is a job that gives you a great deal of flexibility in moving around the world, though it was quite a culture shock coming from a disciplined army environment to a decadent civilian society. I completed the 2 1/2 year course in 2 years."

Bjorn then was given an opportunity for a traineeship at the Amari Watergate in 1994. After that he was contracted to stay on as Operations Analyst. "I was sent to a lot of different properties and projects and I made a lot of good. Then I was Food and Beverage manager at Samui for a year. After that I had an offer from the Royal Garden to go to Bangkok as Executive Assistant Manager of the Marriott Riverside. In the almost two years I was there, the Marriott became the Number 1 in Asia in terms of guest satisfaction. Two months ago I was promoted to Resident Manager here which is good. Although I enjoyed the activity of Bangkok, the quality of life is better here. Pattaya is a good place to live. The Wats, the golf, the sea are only ten minutes away."

Now his major concern is having a positive influence. "When I go to the temple I pray for me doing good to everybody. The hotel business is about people, the guests are important but more so your associates. I can greet about forty guests a day, though I would rather spend more time making sure my associates are happy because then they make the guest feel good too."

Bjorn’s aims for the future are, "I would like to see the Thai Hotels Association and the Tourism Authority of Thailand and everyone working together to get a good reputation back for Pattaya. I don’t want to go anywhere else; it is the best country to be in. I just believe it is important that you are remembered well as someone who has done a good job and made other people happy."

Success to Bjorn is an inner feeling. "To be at ease with yourself and your surroundings. At the end of the day you know best yourself if you are satisfied, with a meaningful life." His advice to any would be hoteliers is, "Be committed to a life of serving other people. Don’t even try if you are not 100% committed, because it is not a job - it is a way of life."

Here you have a picture of a man who has found his home and his place in it.

Snap Shots: A Pro never fails!

by Harry Flashman

People often wonder why professional photographers charge such exorbitant fees. Top shooters can command sums reaching to thousands of dollars a day. Are they worth it?

I’ll start by saying "probably not" - but they are still worth very considerable fees. The first aspect is that you are paying for artistry - and it is very difficult to put a price on that. Is any painting worth a million dollars? Not in my book, but people are happy to pay that sort of figure. It is the old adage - anything is only worth what someone is prepared to pay for it!

The second item you are paying for is technical expertise. When questioned about a $1000 account one wag replied, "For doing the job $100, but for knowing how to do it another $900." That is probably the right ratio too. A skilled pro can rush in and out and produce professional quality results because he or she knows how to produce the desired effects.

The third factor is simply "results". A professional shooter is paid the big sums to bring back the goods. No matter what the weather, acts of God, outbreaks of war or other such catastrophes, the pro has to produce an image. When you consider that some advertising agencies will spend thousands of dollars flying models and outfits half way round the world, to have a photographer say the weather wasn’t up to scratch is not acceptable. In fact, if the photographer comes back with no pictures, the pro has to fund the reshoot himself. That includes airfares, model fees, wardrobe assistants - the whole shooting match.

So how does the pro protect himself and ensure the results are what is needed? The first thing he does is to maintain his equipment. Well maintained camera gear is less likely to fail than cameras which never get looked at. I realise you probably never really consider maintenance with your own camera, but when you consider that you probably put 12 rolls of film through your camera in a year and the pro will put through a minimum of 500, you can see the difference. Pro cameras work hard!

The next move the pro does is to duplicate, or even treble the amount of his gear. No matter how well maintained, cameras are electro/mechanical devices and as such can always fail, just the same as your car, even though you get it regularly serviced.

Since camera "systems" comprise camera bodies and interchangeable lenses, the pro will carry three bodies and several lenses. When you see pictures of war photographers with two or three cameras slung around their neck it is not for show. They will shoot with one and then use another - in that way they can be almost assured that at least one of their cameras will have recorded the shot for posterity.

The final piece of insurance that the pro has up his sleeve is Polaroid film. The instant nature of this film makes it invaluable for the pro away from home. You can get special Polaroid backs for most of the professional cameras. Snap on the instant film back and take the shot. In 60 seconds you know if you have the right settings, the right picture and most importantly - your camera is actually working! Many professionals even call Polaroid their "insurance".

So next time you hear about how expensive professional photography can be, spare a thought for the poor old pro who has to spend thousands of dollars just to cover his butt, let alone become proficient enough at photography and yet have the eye of an artist as well.

Modern Medicine: Warts and all!

by Dr Iain Corness

Warts have been around as long as mankind itself. However, it is only recently that we have begun to understand warts, and even then, our current knowledge is incomplete. There are still numerous "cures" for warts, ranging from "Wart Charming", Dandelion milk, burying potatoes and "purchasing" them. All methods have their enthusiastic supporters.

Warts are caused by a virus, and we have even been able to classify some of the virus families. The warts being looked at in particular today are those caused by the Human Papilloma Virus, known by the initials HPV. Our studies, since the mid 60s when we discovered HPV, show that there are over 70 different types of this virus abounding. The special interest shown in HPV stems from the fact that a few sub-groups of HPV cause genital warts. Unfortunately, genital warts are on the increase world wide.

Now if they only caused a few lumpy things to appear on the wedding tackle HPV would not have the significance it does. The problem lies in the fact that the same HPV has been shown to produce an increase in genital and cervical cancers in women.

The HPV strains that produce the genital warts like the warm moist areas - and genital tracts and the groin happen to be just that - warm and moist. The classical genital wart looks like a small cauliflower growing on the penis or around the anus. In women, the external genitalia will grow the warts, but internal ones are much more difficult to find. The infection is generally found at Pap smear time for most women.

It is correct to say that genital warts are passed on by sexual contact and the "incubation" period is around three months but can be even longer.

Fortunately all these warts can be treated - and in fact should be treated to minimise cross infection through virus shedding.

The mainstay of treatment is by cryotherapy. This is the classic "freezing them off", although now you can use laser as well. Electrocautery is also practised in some regions of the world but requires some anaesthesia! Destructive agents like Podophyllin paint can also be used, but the application is time consuming and messy. It also destroys normal skin.

With some people, it has become almost impossible to eradicate the virus and virus busters like Interferon have to be used. The draw-back here is that this treatment is non-specific and there are usually multiple side effects. It is also a very expensive drug.

Of course, like all STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases - we doctors really love initials for everything!) the way to be safe is with protection. Condoms will save you from HPV - and protect you against several other very nasty ailments as well. Think about it next time.

Dear Hillary,

When I go out with Thai people here and we order a meal I notice that they just dip into the central soup bowl with the spoon that they have just had in their mouth. I worry about getting some diseases in this way. How can I get them to use a serving spoon?

Alarmed

Dear Alarmed,

The short answer is that you can not get them to use a serving spoon. Though, if you are lucky, you may have first go at the soup when you can simply ladle out enough soup into your plate for a first serving before the others get into it. Your Thai companions may be astonished but too polite to say anything.

Dear Hillary,

I am a 34 year old male with a very embarrassing problem - stretch marks. I am overweight and I have noticed that after a good blow-out of a couple of weeks I get an itch on my belly and buttocks that changes into red streaks and ends up as stretch marks. My backside is starting to resemble a relief map of the Andes. Is there any cream or way to hide these unsightly marks?

Monsieur Bibendum

Dear Bibendum,

Rapid, excessive weight gain when the skin becomes stretched and the fibers in the deep layers tear, cause your stretch marks. The bad news is that once they appear they are permanent, though they do become less noticeable with time. Vitamin E Cream, although it will not disguise stretch marks, is said to be a very good skin rejuvenator.

The good news is they can be prevented. Massage with oil twice a day will stop them appearing in the first place without even drastic dieting. The base oil used is just as important as any Aromatherapy essential oils added to it. On no account use mineral or "baby oils" for massage, as they are petroleum derivatives and not kind to the skin. Preferably use a mix of Wheatgerm oil 10 mls (two teaspoons), Apricot oil 40 mls and Avocado oil 50 mls.

As ordinary oils are often difficult to obtain here, alternatively use Sesame Seed oil 10 mls, Soybean or Sunflower oil 40 mls and Olive Oil 50 mls. Or just plain extra virgin olive oil 100ms. Mix these all together and use as massage oil. Ideally add in a total of thirty drops of neroli (orange), tangerine, or lavender essential oils, if you can obtain them.

Neroli, lavender, geranium or frankincense essential oils, (Total of eight drops) added to the bath is a wonderful additional treatment for supple skin.

You admit to having a good blow out every couple of weeks. This is the cause of your stretch marks and can be altered without much suffering. Change what you eat but never deprive yourself. Eat the same amount as usual but change the contents. Pig out on vegetables, fruit and salads before meals. Munch on apples and celery. Try to avoid sugar, flour and fat. Simply change the ratio, have less red meat, dairy and fried foods and huge heaps of chicken, fish and boiled or raw vegetables and fruit. A great trick and an easy slimming aid during the day is to drink buckets. Chinese tea (tea bags are easy), bottled water, soda water or soda with lemon. Soft drinks with sugar in them are a killer, likewise beer.

Because you have a blow out for a couple of weeks, this may mean you are in the habit of using food as a sedative or a reward. There are other alternative and less unsightly rewards. Try massage, movies, music, baths, books and walking down the beach with sand in the toes. Fun soothers can be to take deep, deep breaths in the middle of office mayhem or to practice t’ai chi so this way your colleagues will benefit too, and simply singing a few lyrics repeatedly all day is comforting, as is jangling loose change or keys in your pocket when you talk. The best medicine is laughter.

Dear Hillary,

I am an 18-year girl from Holland living here in Pattaya and often use motorcycle taxis to go about. I do not want to upset the local people and do not know if I should ride sideways like the Thai girls, or legs astride like we do in Europe. My mother says I should just do what all good Dutch girls do, but she is old fashioned and does not understand that I want to fit in here. What do you think?

Heidi

Dear Heidi,

Ride the way you are most comfortable, I suggest astride and hanging on for grim death. Motorcycle taxis are not a safe means of transport. Falling off is no fun either. If you ask any Thai person they will say, "Up to you." They do not care how you ride. If you want to clue up on the offensive customs here, for example pointing with feet and touching heads, buy a copy of the book, "Culture Shock Thailand", by Robert and Nanthappa Cooper. Meanwhile, hang on tight.

GRAPEVINE

Dining Out: Footpath Dining in Style

by Miss Terry Diner

With so many top class restaurants to choose from, why would the Dining Out Team end up sitting at a side road eating dinner? The easy answer would be to say that it was to cover every aspect of Pattaya eateries, for you, our readers. The more correct answer is that we fell over this place one evening and since then it has become one of our favourite ethnic eating places and the Team felt we should share it with you.

Plenty of waiters at Leng Kee.

Leng Kee Restaurant has been a fixture on Pattaya Klang for many years. Clearly signed, it is about 200 metres before the Pattaya Klang-Pattaya Second Road intersection. On a street corner, it expands every evening with tables and chairs spilling out into street beside it.

This could not be considered a pretentious venue. The tables have worn laminex tops, the chairs are too low for the tables and the floor is concrete (inside) or bitumen (outside). It is bustling and noisy, with the waiters jostling each other for positions at the tables. In many ways it is a typical "Chinese" style restaurant. So why are we sharing it with you? Quite simply, it has some of the nicest food around and the bill at the end is ludicrously cheap. Value for money, it is hard to beat this place.

The menu is large and ten pages and is also in English, again typically ethnic, with several variations on the same theme, be it beef, chicken, pork. There is a page for prawns, mussels, cockles, oysters and the like. This is a "cost by the weight" page. From there you go on to crab, fish, a designated "Chinese" page, fried items, soups, stir fries, even fast food and fruit. The ways the food can be cooked is extremely varied. You can have, for example, your whatever with corn, pineapple, spring onion, oyster sauce, basil, garlic, kale or in an omelette. The variations on a theme seem to be endless. If you get totally stuck with the menu items, there is also a picture menu to assist, so you can get an idea of what it actually looks like!

The waiters, and there appears to be lots of them, are all enthusiastic and a couple have reasonable "Thinglish". However, sometimes it is necessary to point a lot.

The cost of the individual plates generally range from 60 - 80 Baht, with some of the soups going up to 100 Baht, but these will easily feed two people.

Beverages are simple - most local beers (although no Singha Gold, more’s the pity) and a choice of the more usual whiskeys.

On the night we decided to "do" the Dining Out we also splurged. Madame began with fresh oysters and fried vegetable which turned out to be fried garlic and some sprigs of an unknown green thing! I replied with a Kai Yat Sai (Thai omelette) and followed it up with a pork with garlic and pepper. Nothing daunted, Madame topped off the table with a pork belly with bean sprouts and bean curd.

We washed this lot down with a large bottle of Carlsberg and a couple of orange juices (to which we added some of our own whiskey).

As ever, the food was well prepared and cooked. Flavoursome and succulent veggies and the omelette is one of the best in Pattaya.

That little lot, which was more than enough for both of us, cost less than B400, including the drinks.

If you want an inexpensive fun night in an ethnic eatery with good food Leng Kee is highly recommended by the Dining Out Team. See you there.

Animal Crackers: What a Wonderful Bird, the Pelican

by Mirin MacCarthy

One of the first verses I ever learned was about the Pelican and as a child of five I once embarrassed my mother and amused other passengers by reciting it loudly on a crowded tram.

"A wonderful bird is the pelican;
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Enough for a week,
But I’m, damned if I see how the helican."

I was so proud of myself for being able to memorize it but my mother was not so thrilled.

Not many people know that Dixon Lanier Merritt, a Southern newspaper editor and President of the American Press Humorists Association, penned this famous limerick in 1910.

Such is the fame of this limerick is that it has eclipsed this bird’s great antiquity. Pelicans go back 40 million years in time. Pelican bones have been found in Pleistocene deposits and are very similar to those of living pelicans today.

One of the world’s largest birds, it has a wingspan up to 3 m and weighs up to 8 kg.

Inhabiting both open freshwater and salt water, it has a nasal gland in the head that salt is excreted through. Beneath it’s long, pink bill is a bright yellow distensible throat pouch for feeding.

Dixon’s picturesque tale is not entirely accurate. Although the pelican’s pouch has a capacity of 3 gallons, two to three times it’s stomach, it uses this pouch as a fish net, not to store food.

Feeding pelicans are a fascinating to watch. Surface feeding white pelicans indulge in cooperative fishing. They form a crescent on the water, drive a school of fish into shallow water and encircle them. When each bird then grabs great bills and pouches full of fish.

A social and communal bird they are comical in their regimentation. What one does they all do, rather resembling a group of Taiwanese tourists. They fly in a line, a foot or two above the water or in a V-formation higher in the sky, soar in graceful circles and swim in flocks.

How do you tell a male from a female pelican? Guess! Their feathers are identical white and black or brown in some species, but male pelicans have longer beaks. The average male pelican’s beak measures 14", the female’s only12.5". The males are also slightly larger.

Pelicans are commonly seen standing on pylons or sandbars with their web feet, or just sitting on the water. As a teenager in Australia we had wonderful holidays feeding fish we had bought from the Caloundra bait shop to the pelicans on the sandflats. They can eat a surprising amount, up to two kgs of food each a day. We soon used up our allowances.

Pelicans are nomadic but colonial when breeding. The most significant effect on pelican populations is disturbance of their breeding sites by humans or industrial activity. The birds may abandon an entire nesting colony if disturbed, leaving eggs and young chicks to die. Pesticides and chemical pollutants also result in egg loss. Fishing hooks and lines are a serious threat to pelicans year round, especially in late summer when young pelicans come to the mainland from the islands for the first time. Inexperienced and hungry they eagerly go after "easy" food from fishermen and often end up with severe injuries.

They are now on the endangered species list.

Auto Mania: The Winners Afternoon

by Dr. Iain Corness

The winners of the Autotrivia Quiz a couple of weeks back won tickets to Andy Scheidegger’s Pattaya Kart Speedway (next to Paintball and Bungee - off Thepprasit Road) per kind favour of Andy and the Pattaya Mail.

John Winward and Hans (I) Schwarz had never sat in a go-kart before, while Mike Turner had only done a couple of sessions on an indoor track in London. The fourth winner, Hans (II) Tietze had previous experience at Andy’s track and turned out to be an ex German Touring Car driver and a European Super-Bike racer.

Old R-R factory.

Now, in the original article, I jokingly suggested that Andy should build me a 500 cc Kart, since I am getting on in years and should take life more leisurely. Well, Andy being a man who can rise to all occasions, has built the best little 500 cc V-twin kart you’ve ever seen. With an alloy 4 stroke engine and a great raspy exhaust note it was a veritable joy to drive. No "fizzy" little two stroke this - it’s a thumping smooth 4 stroke with heaps of torque.

Andy smiled when I complimented him on the new device and then told me that he’s got two more being completed in the workshop right now. If there’s enough interest he’s even thinking of getting a series together. Twenty of those little grunters would be awesome, to use today’s lingo, I tell you! I’ll keep you posted.

However, back to the Winners Afternoon. After experiencing the slower "training" karts, Hans I, John and Mike were introduced to the quicker machines. Now when I say "quicker", I mean it. Andy’s top karts are the fastest "hire" machinery around, let me assure you.

By this stage we were ready for the Thepprasit Grand Prix, with all five of us in the quick 2 strokes. It was almost as eventful as the Canadian Grand Prix. John and Mike tried to emulate Trulli and Alesi on Turn 1 with some gentle taps up the bracket, while Hans I did well to stay out of trouble. Meanwhile, at the pointed end of the field it was on with Hans II and myself giving it our all. Hans II eventually spinning on the top corner wondering where I had got to. Me? I had just achieved the altitude record at Pattaya Kart Speedway with a neat take-off over the kerb, exiting the sweeper at the end of the straight, gaining height to one and a half metres before rejoining on the bitumen and still facing in the correct direction (more by good luck than good management).

Over a beer at the refreshments area it has been decided that a re-run is the order of the day, and Hans I, John and Mike have already told Andy they’ll be back for more practice. Stay tuned, as I’ll see what we can do about arranging another Kart shoot-out with Andy. In the meantime - get some laps under your belt. You’ll enjoy it. You certainly know you’ve had a good work-out after an afternoon at the karts.

More Engine Swaps

How about a BMW 2002 with one engine where the Germans designed it to be and another in the passenger seat region where BeeEmm never designed it to be? That one came from Hans II, while John Winward had tales of the twini Mini’s. These were Mokes with an engine at each end and used by the constabulary.

I have actually driven a weird little device in Oz that had a Cooper S engine, subframe and the works in the rear, with the steering locked up to stop 4 wheel steer. The original gear linkage was used, but the gate was upside down and back to front which made it very difficult to drive. You had to remember all the time which way the next slot went.

There is also an Isuzu pick-up running around here with a twin turbo 3 litre Supra under the hood. Apparently he has large lumps of concrete in the tray at the rear to try and stop wheelspin. Someone should tell him about spring rates and shock absorbers.

The Power is Adequate

Last week we mentioned the famous marque Rolls-Royce, the company that refused to give performance specifications, hiding behind the phrase "The power is adequate." However, all that has changed with the ownership of the famous R-R insignia now having crossed the English Channel.

R-R’s new owners have been very forthright with the new Rolls-Royce Seraph and freely give out the details on the latest Roller.

The engine is an all aluminum alloy 5,379 cc V12, 60-degree configuration, with 24 valves and single overhead camshaft to each cylinder bank. Stroke 79 mm, bore 85 mm; compression ratio 10:1. This develops 322 bhp (240kW/326PS) at 5,000 rpm with a hefty torque of 361 lb/ft (490Nm) at 3,900 rpm.

This gets to the wheels via a 5-speed automatic gearbox. ABS brakes of course as well as that horrible ASC (called Automatic Skid Control by some manufacturers, but labeled Automatic Stability Control in the R-R). This cuts the power to the rear wheels if they start to spin or slide during cornering. Makes life dull, too!

Now, the performance figures. Maximum speed 225 kph and does 0-100 clicks in a shade under 7 seconds. Not bad when you remember that this car weighs 2752 KG fully laden. Reckon that’s almost more than "adequate", don’t you?

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week we asked about the change of colour of the RR’s insignia from red to black. Most people thought that this was caused by the untimely death of the Hon. C.S. Rolls. It was not, in fact, anything to do with his departure to the great car park in the sky, but was brought about by the board of directors who considered that black was a more fitting colour than red. Simple!

So let’s stick with RR for this week’s question - and it’s another easy one. Who owns Rolls-Royce these days? First correct answer in a fax to 427 596 or email [email protected] wins this week’s free beer.

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