Family Money: Being a good goalie

By Leslie Wright

Every football team wants to win every game.

To help the team work well together and develop a winning strategy, they employ an experienced coach.

Planning your personal finances is rather similar.

First, you need to have a clear idea of your financial goals. What do you want to achieve? Over what time-frame? What means do you have to help you get there? How do you differentiate between short, medium and long term goals? Should your investment strategies differ amongst these objectives, and if so how?

Most people have some idea of what they’d like to achieve, but have only a vague notion of how to go about attaining these financial ambitions. Similarly, ‘needs’ are often confused with ‘wants’; and only rarely do these coincide.

Clearly identifying these needs is essential to successful financial planning. This involves knowing and understanding the difference between what you might perceive as important and what really is important.

Just as a football coach shows his team how to win, a client-orientated financial advisor would help you identify your real financial needs and suggest what steps to take to address them.

Great expectations

For example, I recently received an enquiry from someone who plans to retire in 10 years time at age 65, and for the past 5 years has had a couple of offshore savings plans going into which he’s contributing £175 a month.

His current expenditure to support his and his family’s current lifestyle is about £3,000 per month, and he expects that after retirement he and his family will be able to live on about half that.

He wanted to know if his savings plans will provide enough for this ‘want’.

Well, it doesn’t take a PhD to work out that to expect 15 years’ input of £175 a month to miraculously produce a return of £1,500 a month for the next 15 years is naïve in the extreme!

Even without taking the erosionary effects of inflation into account, the most cost-effective savings plan on the market and the best fund managers in the world could hardly work that particular miracle!

It is not unreasonable to expect an average long-term return of between 10%-12% p.a. from a medium-risk portfolio.

But to expect to draw out each month 8 1/2 times as much as one has been putting in over a similar time frame is totally unrealistic.

This client’s principal ‘want’ was to have his cake and eat it: to spend most of his disposable income on enjoying himself (as indeed he has evidently been doing most of his working life), have total flexibility in his savings (i.e., be able to stop whenever he likes), access the capital whenever he wants, and have a comfortable retirement as well.

Sorry, no can do. Something has to change - either some sacrifices must be made now, or potentially more drastic sacrificing will result later.

Establishing your needs

The four main steps to effective financial planning are:

* Distinguishing between your perceived and real needs;
* Distinguishing between your current and future needs;
* Quantifying these needs;
* Prioritising these needs.

For example, the client in point had identified he needed a personal pension, but had not distinguished between his current and future needs, nor objectively quantified these needs, nor prioritised them correctly.

His first priority was live now, never mind later.

My first priority was to change this perception. Otherwise he would not achieve his primary need, which was to have sufficient capital for a comfortable retirement.

A bitter pill to swallow, perhaps. And because it is a bitter pill to give to any client, some financial consultants will not do so, being happy enough to sign up the client for whatever he perceives he wants, rather than identifying his real needs and addressing them.

Such consultants will typically defend this behaviour on the grounds that the client goes away happy, and got what he wanted.

Quite true.

And the consultant has to spend far less of his valuable time explaining to clients why they should do this rather than that. Thus he can see more clients, and help more people.

Also true.

He also ensures his commission, which a cynic might suspect to be his first priority, rather than his clients’ real needs...

But as everyone achieved what they wanted to achieve, that’s all okay, isn’t it?

Pharmacists & doctors

To me, this attitude is like a pharmacist selling pills on demand across the counter, rather than a doctor who examines the patient and diagnoses his ailments before prescribing the appropriate medicine to help him get better.

From time to time we all go to the pharmacy and buy the pills we think we want. That’s okay for minor ailments.

But when we’re really sick we sensibly go to the doctor, and after allowing some prodding and poking, find out what really ails us, and accept the prescribed pills and potions he (or she) gives us.

We may not enjoy it at the time, but we generally feel better afterwards, and get well quicker.

It’s just the same, really, with planning your financial health.

The ‘pills’ we buy from a financial ‘pharmacy’ may or may not be appropriate treatment for our particular ailment. They may or may not help us achieve our financial objectives.

And similar to buying pills from the pharmacy without a doctor’s prescription, we may not know what really ails us, only think we do. That is to say, we may not have identified what our real financial needs are, only what we think they are. And even if we do know what our real needs are, we may still have our priorities wrong.

Getting priorities straight

I have encountered many clients whose first priority was providing a college fund for their children, but have sadly neglected their own pension planning.

Of course you want to give your children the very best start in life. And we all know that a college education these days is very expensive.

However, in this day and age, it is highly unlikely that your well-educated children will be willing to make similar sacrifices to provide for you throughout your retirement.

Other clients have had their minds firmly focussed on buying a house (or a second one), but again have neglected their pension. Of course it’s easier to fall in love with bricks & mortar than a piece of paper representing some offshore investment. Real estate property is easy to understand; and an investment one can see and touch gives many people a greater feeling of security. But this emotive decision-making may be misguided.

If you’re very fortunate, the second house may provide sufficient rental income to support you throughout your Golden Years; but historical returns on real estate indicate it is unlikely to. And you can’t very well sell off a brick a week.

These clients’ priorities matched their perceived needs, but perhaps not their real needs.

Prevention better than cure

Just as regular check-ups of our physical health can be useful in identifying potential problems before they become serious (when they might even be impossible to treat), a thorough check-up of our financial health can similarly identify areas of need which may have been neglected or not even considered before being pointed out.

And just as the chances of curing cancer increase with early diagnosis, early identification of your real financial needs will hopefully allow sufficient time to do something to remedy the situation and improve your overall financial health.

However, just as no-one forces you to take the pills prescribed by your doctor if you don’t wish to, no-one forces you to take up the recommendations of your financial advisor. It’s entirely your choice.

But assuming you do accept his recommendations and do start some sort of savings plan or make a lump-sum investment, it’s important to understand the overall strategic planning that has been recommended to you as well as what sort of commitment you’re making.

Seeing it through

Similarly, it should be borne in mind that any investment commitment you make - especially if it is a regular savings plan - is a commitment not to your advisor or the institution with whom you’re investing, but to yourself and your family.

It’s important to your family’s future financial health, therefore, that you stick to this commitment - just as it is important to complete a course of treatment prescribed by your doctor if you expect to be cured of whatever ailment you may have presented to him.

Stopping a course of antibiotics just because the immediate symptoms have disappeared may in some cases be worse than having taken none at all, because some lingering germs may develop resistance to the treatment and flare up again, and be far harder to cure - if not almost impossible - the second time around.

Similarly with financial planning. Once you start a ‘course of treatment’ you owe it to yourself and your family’s financial health to see it through to completion.

Otherwise not only will you not achieve the goal for which the program was started, but the penalties involved for stopping ‘early’ may cost you dearly.

To help you keep on track to achieving your financial objectives in the most effective manner for your own particular needs and circumstances, it’s important also to have ongoing professional guidance. Regular check-ups, if you will, to ensure your continuing financial health.

This means being in touch with your financial advisor on a regular basis - either pro-actively or reactively - so you know where you are and how you’re doing.

In essence, to help you be a good goalie and make sure your family-team doesn’t lose the game to an own goal.

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

The computer doctor

by Richard Bunch

From Dick Koger, Pattaya: For three years I have stored my data on an internal Zip drive from Imation. The ‘superdisk’ floppies are 120Mb. For six months I have worked with Windows98 and now my Zip drive doesn’t work. It is reading my floppies but then cannot open anything. An e-mail to Imation hasn’t helped. They only have drivers for external drives and say that Windows98 has a good driver for an internal drive, which is from Mitsubishi. Do you know what I can do? Is there anybody in Pattaya who can help me? The importer of Imation in Bangkok cannot come to Pattaya. Thanks for your attention or help.

Computer Doctor replies: It is unclear from your letter whether the Zip drive has ever worked under Windows98, in which case the last time it worked was presumably under your previous operating system, Windows95? You also haven’t indicated whether you used a compression or backup utility when writing the data to the Zip originally. I have had a number of instances where customers have had similar problems with their Zip drives under Windows98 and have to date managed to resolve the problem albeit in a slightly unorthodox manner. The procedures involved would fill the Pattaya Mail so I suggest you contact me at my office.

From: Jimmy Mook: Hello, I will be returning to Thailand again for an extended stay. My question to you is concerning the use of my laptop computer. What is needed to open an Internet account in Pattaya? Will I need a direct line to my room or can it be used through a switchboard phone line? Can I register with an American credit card? Do I need a work permit or a visa other than tourist? Any answers you can provide will be of great help.

Computer Doctor replies: Well Jimmy, welcome back. I’ll answer your questions one at a time. To open an Internet account in your name, you will require your passport. Visa and work permit are not necessary. With some providers it is possible to pay by credit card, but assume you will have to pay in cash. Technically, a direct line is not necessary, although it would be preferable. If the switchboard is automated it is not normally too much of a problem but with the old manual system it is a virtual impossibility to get connected in the first place and even harder to remain connected with the operator checking to see if you are still on the telephone!

With Internet East, which is the provider we sell, 20 hours costs 875 Baht/month and 40 hours costs 1,362 Baht/month. Connection can normally be effected within the hours during normal business hours. I hope that helps.

The comments contained within this column are not necessarily the views of the author or Pattaya Mail Publishing Co., Ltd. Letters may be edited.

Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at 370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or E-mail to [email protected].

Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer Technologies on South Pattaya Road (900 metres from Sukhumvit Road). Providing total computer and IT solutions to corporate clients and households on the Eastern Seaboard.

Successfully Yours: Naris Pedcharat

by Mirin MacCarthy

Khun Naris Pedcharat’s business card is very revealing. On close inspection the design appears to be a large horizontal canvas supported on an easel with a Rembrandt-like portrait, Naris’ name and the motto "Naris Gallery since 1975", all executed in a limited palette of black, white and grey. It encapsulates the life of a very interesting man.

He was born in Hat Yai as part of a family of ten. His father was a carpenter and Naris had a happy childhood. His favourite subject at school was painting and he discovered he was good at it by age 14. "I started painting big poster billboards for the theatre. I learned by myself."

His decision to leave high school early was no doubt enhanced by the opportunity to work with a famous portrait and landscape artist, Khun Buntum Bunthep.

After five years working in Hat Yai he packed up his brushes and easel and headed for Korat where he opened a gallery, painting portraits and landscapes mainly for the American servicemen.

It was 1973 when his next major experiences occurred. He moved to U-Tapao and Sattahip and it was there he met his Thai wife who was working for the Air Force. During this time, he continued to develop his personal style, while supporting the family with portraiture for the military.

The next step was to move to Pattaya in 1975 and open Naris Gallery, the first painter’s outlet in this city. Indeed, Naris has well and truly made Pattaya his home and its welfare has become very close to his heart. He speaks quickly and enthusiastically of Pattaya and the Walking Street as it was then. "It was so very quiet, nothing like today."

He began to become recognised in the artistic world and even exhibited in Finland. His wife exclaimed, "Every day it was telephone calls. Where is Naris? Everyone wanted him." However, being away from Thailand, his home, was not to his liking and he turned his back on the international opportunities to return to Pattaya, his Pattaya that has grown and changed with him.

Naris himself is concerned about the environment and the changes he wants to see are for the good of the whole local society. "Water pollution cleaned up, safety for the tourists, no drugs, and to be a Pattaya where the tourists can come and be happy."

Towards these ends he has involved himself in civic work. He has been a past president of the Lions Club, is president of the Artist’s Club and does welfare work as a voluntary parole officer for Chonburi.

In addition, Naris has been the President of the Walking Street Committee for the past two years. Its aim is to promote and improve Walking Street as a safe tourist venue.

But it was Naris the painter that I had come to interview. He is no Van Gogh, full of deep despair. Quite the opposite - he laughs infectiously but can still show the mercurial moods of an artist. When given the chance to do his own work he feels fulfilled. "I am very happy when I am painting my own original ideas. I am not happy when I have to copy." His ability is such that he can easily copy other artists’ work but does not enjoy it. In the words of a true artist, his style shows through when he says, "I give the copies to my friend to do."

Naris cites Rembrandt as the artist with the most influence on him, although his own style is far removed from the old master’s mellow, sombre realism. He paints modern semi-abstract portraits and landscapes with a light and almost monochromatic palette of whites and greys with accents of scarlet or cadmium. A distinctive style executed with palette knife in oils. A masterly touch and one that is difficult to accomplish using those limited hues.

With his family around him, he radiates a personal contentment. Success to him is purely what he has now. "I am happy. I have had this gallery for over twenty years. It is a good business and it gives good quality service for the tourists. I’ve seen Pattaya develop, and my sons and daughter go to university. I have what I want."

Yet, in every artist there lies a painting yet to be done. For Naris, he said with reverent tones, "I would like to do a portrait of our King."

For Naris the painter and Naris the proud Thai, this would be his finest achievement.

Snap Shots: Through the bars!

by Harry Flashman

Now some of you will be reading this thinking that it is going to be a discourse on how to photograph young nubiles while on a pub crawl through the local go-go bars. Sorry to disappoint you, but it is actually an article on conjuring or "How to make objects disappear".

There is a term called ‘photographic evidence’ which is a complete oxymoron. Just because something is recorded on film and printed as a photograph does not mean that it really exists. To use a photograph as ‘evidence’ is at best unwise! I have often been quoted as saying that photography is lying by using a camera - and I am correct!

An assignment the other day required a photograph of a bird in a cage. Nothing terribly difficult about that, I can hear you thinking from here. However, the cage was small, the bird not very large and the bars were such that they obscured most of the feathered flyer. What to do?

To make bars, fences, etc., completely ‘disappear’ is actually very easy. We will use the effect called "Depth of Field" to our advantage.

What you have to do is firstly try and position the subject as far away from the bars as possible. This was not difficult with the nervous warbler as it retreated to the furthest side of the cage from me!

Now use the ‘longest’ lens in your bag, but anything over 100 mm will be fine (I used a 135 mm portrait lens) and select the widest aperture possible. To do this you do need to either have an ‘aperture priority’ mode or be able to select a ‘manual mode’ with your camera. The wide aperture has an added advantage in that it then requires a fast shutter speed, so it became even more easy to capture the rather nervous twitterer.

Next, you must get as close to the subject as you can. Forget about the bars and get the subject nice and large in the viewfinder.

Now what actually happens is that the long lens with a wide aperture produces a very short depth of field. Focussing on the subject (in my case, the bird in the cage) means that the bars in the foreground become so "blurred" that they do not appear at all. Look at the pictures with this week’s column and you will see what I mean. With a standard lens, the bars are in the way. With the long lens and the wide aperture (in this case f3.5) they magically melt away!

One last tip, if you have an autofocus camera you must turn that function off and focus manually. The autofocus eye gets confused by the bars and will focus on them and not on the subject, the bird. Most autofocussing devices will also not focus through a sheet of glass, but get totally confused and spend their time "hunting" for a focus point.

If your camera is a point and shoot with a zoom lens you can still get this effect. What you have to do is zoom out to the longest you can, probably called ‘close-up’ or something similar. Now to get your automatic aperture to open up is difficult, but firstly turn off the auto flash and take the shot in subdued lighting. The automatic eye will try and get as much light into the camera as possible, so will give a wider aperture. Follow those directions and cross your fingers! There are times when the trusty point and shoot compact is not as versatile as the books will tell you!

Modern Medicine: Your elbow’s in your ear

by Dr Iain Corness

One of the commonest sayings goes "The smallest thing you should put in your ear is your elbow." I am sure you have all heard it at least one time in your life. Unfortunately, like so many "truisms" it tends to be ignored.

I do not know just how many times I have examined a painful ear to find a lump of cotton wool or a cotton bud lurking at the bottom of the ear canal. Any foreign body left in the external ear canal is the ideal breeding ground for all sorts of strange bacteria and fungus that can present as the condition we call Otitis Externa (OE).

This ailment is purely infections and inflammation of the external auditory canal, that 2.5 cm tube joining your ear drum to the outside world!

The commonest form of OE is "Swimmers Ear" or "Tropical Ear". Water left in the outer ear creates a nourishing "soup" for bacteria and away it goes from there. Of course, any trauma to the canal just makes it worse. That car key you use to scratch inside your ear is a classic instrument of trauma, if ever I saw one! Once the bacteria get into the deeper layers of the skin lining the canal (through the breaks caused by the traumatic scratching) you then end up with a cellulitis. This is a painful swelling of the ear canal and you are left in no doubt of the diagnosis.

Prevention of this type of OE is very much simpler than the cure. The principle is to keep the ear canal as dry as can be, and the skin on the walls as intact as possible. If you are into water sports, swimming and the like, wear water impermeable ear plugs to start with and thoroughly dry the ear canal afterwards. This does not mean screwing up a lump of tissue and jamming it down the canal (or using a cotton bud on a stick!) but is simply carried out by instilling a couple of drops of methylated spirits into the external ear.

If you are unfortunate enough to get this condition then your doctor will prescribe some special antibiotic drops (or antifungal if it is caused by a fungus) plus some antibiotics if there are the signs of cellulitis on examination. There will also be the need to review the condition’s progress. This can work out to be a fairly expensive exercise. It is certainly cheaper to buy a bottle of methylated spirits and keep everything smaller than your elbow out of your ear!

Dear Hillary

I have been living in Pattaya for six months now and have decided it is really the place I want to retire. I have a wonderful relationship with the most perfect Thai girl, Jazz, although we are just living together and are not married. She is not as keen as I am to get married and not because of our twenty years age difference, either. Apparently she will lose all property rights once she is legally married to a foreigner. My problem is that I like apartment living and want to buy a bigger condo with better beach views, in my name. Jazz likes living with me in my rented condo and has no problem with heights, it’s just that she is putting a lot of pressure on me to buy a house instead and put it in her name. Hillary, can you tell me, is it possible for me to get the house in my name too?

Pete

Dear Pete,

In a word - No! You have to ask yourself serious questions on why girlfriend Jazz is so fixated on property. Believe me, there are many beautiful Thai women who may display more loving and less avaricious tendencies, never mind the age difference.

The current legal situation about Thai property titles is this, a foreigner (read non-Thai or farang) may own a condo in their own name. They may not own a house or land solely or partly in their own name. The only way farangs may own a house is to form a Thai company with the aid of a trusted English speaking lawyer and Thai nominees and then that company owns the title to the house. As in all dealings, Caveat Emptor, Buyer Beware. Hillary says be very aware!

Dear Hillary,

I am planning to travel to Pattaya where I have been many times already and I would like you to give me some advice: is Viagra available in Pattaya, with or without prescription and how much does it cost? I can get it in France where I live, but I find it embarrassing to get a prescription from the family doctor.

Frenchie

Dear Frenchie,

Of course it is available in Pattaya! This is not Outer Mongolia. The question you should ask yourself is why you would be embarrassed asking your own doctor? As in France, this is a prescription only drug and as such, is expensive, and you need to be free of cardiac problems before you take it. Check Harry the heart before Willy the wonder wand! Finally, be aware there are "knock off" copies of Viagra on the black market here. I’ve been told it costs U.S.$30 per pill and does not even work. Screw up your courage and talk to your doctor first.

GRAPEVINE

Dining Out: Numero Uno is Number 1

by Miss Terry Diner

It is always a pleasure to go to lunch with a chef. Especially when the chef says, "I’d like to try out some new menu items on you."

Ed Thompson, the culinary brains behind the Numero Uno concept both here and in Bangkok, extended the invitation to the Dining Out Team for lunch at his Numero Uno outlet on the third floor of the Royal Garden Plaza.

Ed Thompson at Numero Uno.

The Team has eaten at this restaurant many times and always enjoyed the food, service and value, so we looked forward to this outing.

Now you will have to remember that some of these dishes were "conceptual" and as such, had not been given a name. The first two were of this variety. One was thickly sliced onion rings, dusted and deep fried then stacked in a little mountain on a tomato puree base with lashings of parmesan, paprika and pepper. The second was a similar mountain, but this time it was deep fried potato sticks. Apparently this was a home town favourite and one that all his friends used to clamour for when Ed worked in the United States. Both are wonderful tasty snacks (my personal choice was the onion) and Ed obviously derived great enjoyment from the creation.

The next item on Ed’s new menu list was a pasta dish. We have had the spaghetti carbonara before, and whilst excellent value at 45 Baht, was a little bland to my taste. Ed certainly changed that with the addition of chopped salami, soup stock and garlic butter. Flavoursome and smooth was the Dining Out Team’s opinion.

One of the attractions of Numero Uno is the "cooking on the spot". While it is "fast food", Ed believes that does not mean that the food should be old, cold, re-heated and soggy. All the food is fresh and freshly cooked in front of you.

We washed all this down with some orange juice (a change from Singha Gold - but it was lunchtime after all).

By this stage we were full, but Ed had not finished with us. "You gotta try this sandwich." This turned out to be a submarine with ham, tomato, onion and grated cheese. However, Ed’s Numero Uno sandwich is hot and crispy. This is done by popping it into the oven for a couple of minutes before serving. What was more, it had a delightful garlic taste to it, done by the simple addition of garlic butter before being put in the oven, so that it permeates all the way through the submarine. At 45 Baht again great value.

As mentioned at the start of this column, we had eaten lunch at Numero Uno before. Ed Thompson’s additions and additional flavours have made an excellent venue even better. Recommended for a good, quick, healthy meal at any time.

Animal Crackers: Readers story: Life with a peacock

by Mirin MacCarthy

Leon the peacock - Hooter to his friends - entered our lives a year ago when we moved into our present house. He lives on the roof under the satellite dish, and is the sole survivor of six birds that our landlord bought, a testament to the local lads’ prowess with catapults.

This makes Leon the only man in Pattaya without a partner. He would cut a dash at the Marine Disco strutting his stuff, and really put the ‘walking’ in Walking Street, but we never quite got round to taking him.

We religiously followed the feeding instructions, got the right food from the pet shop and all his feathers promptly fell out. When we managed to pluck (!) up the courage to tell our landlord he reassured us that Leon was about due for his third yearly molt. We hadn’t poisoned him after all.

Every day Leon goes through a ritual with the little minor birds that appear at feeding time. First the hooting and calling, then the tail feathers spread to about 7 feet, then a dance up and down, then a rattling of his feathers. The minor birds totally ignore this performance and carrying on eating his food.

One time Leon got so agitated that he missed his footing and fell backwards into the swimming pool. He got himself out though, looking rather embarrassed and walked off down the garden, head high to dry off in the sun. Leon patrols our garden noisily and early every day.

We shan’t need to buy an alarm clock after all!

I.R.H. Doust, Jomtien

The Noble Peacock

There is an aura of mystique about the exotic peacock with its spectacular train. No stranger to Asia, it originated in India and Sri Lanka and is India’s national bird.

It has been treasured for its beauty since biblical times, but royalty in Rome considered peafowl a great delicacy as a roast served in its own feathers!

However, be warned before you think of adding peafowl to the menagerie, they are shockingly noisy birds. In the wild, ever watchful peacocks scream the alarm for predators such as tigers on the prowl and are often kept in captivity for their talent as watch birds.

A peacock reaches his full glory at 3 years of age. To attract a mate, he shuffles his beautiful feathers and fans them out. The female usually ignores him. The female is called a peahen and is smaller and dull coloured, leaving the glorious showy display to the male.

The diet of wild peafowl in Asia is snails, frogs, insects, grains, juicy grasses, and bulbs. Those kept as pets are fed with mynah bird pellets and turkey feed, free ranging during the day. Although they love roosting high in the trees at night a safer option for peafowl, and indeed all fowl and chicks, is a tall snake proof enclosure at night.

Auto Mania: More Retro Revolution

by Dr. Iain Corness

Chrysler, according to one of Bangkok’s English language newspapers, is aiming to revolutionise the small family-car segment with the new PT Cruiser. They were also kind enough to publish large photographs to go with said article.

This Chrysler Neon based vehicle would have revolutionised the family car segment around 1940, with its styling that is more than reminiscent of the Ford Sloper of the mid ‘40’s than anything vaguely relating to today.

Mr Chrysler, this is retromania gone mad! It is stunningly gawdawful ugly. The article finishes by saying that the car will go on sale in Europe next year but was unlikely to reach Thailand soon. There is a god after all!

Really, what is wrong with the car manufacturers of today? Have they no original designers coming through the ranks? Or have they dragged back octogenarian stylists from their retreats in old people’s retirement homes? I find it very hard to understand this retro look. Compared to some of the newer designs (even the Chrysler Neon itself, not a bad looking car) the styling of the 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and 60’s is neither breathtaking or groundbreaking. So why ape it?

A few weeks ago in this column I reported a British stylist’s proposal that people are beginning to despair of the living today and are trying to re-create the good times of yesterday. The 1940’s were surely not the "good times" for anyone. Even in the good old U.S. of A. So what is it? Why has Mr Chrysler’s design department decided we want to remember the middle 1940’s? Perhaps it was in some vehicle like this we experienced our first adolescent sexual urges? This may be so, but I am sure that would not be enough for me to want to buy something that looked reminiscent of a 1949 Austin A40! (Sorry, Veronica.)

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week’s question was the connection between Swallow Doretti’s and camels. Bit of a trick question, I must admit - but that’s half the fun, isn’t it? There were those who didn’t know what a Swallow Doretti was, let alone where the camels came in.

The Swallow Doretti was a Triumph TR2 based British sports car. Looked something like the Austin Healey 100, smooth flowing lines as opposed to the chunkiness of the TR2.

Now here’s where the camels come trotting over the horizon - the car was the brain child of one Tommy Sopwith, son the chap who designed and built the Sopwith Camel, that famous string and canvas aeroplane from WWI. Where he got the name "Swallow Doretti" from I do not know, although in the early 50’s there was a certain mystique surrounding Italian cars, Alfa Romeo, Ferrari and Maserati being very strong marques.

So this week, let us look at Maserati. This was another small family business run by the brothers Maserati (thank goodness it wasn’t the Brothers Karamazov).

Most books say there were four of them, but actually there were seven Maserati brothers. In order, (born to Rodolfo Maserati and Carolina Losi) Carlo b 1881; Bindo b 1883; Alfieri b 1885 (he died in infancy and his name was given to the next son) Alfieri b 1887; Mario b 1890; Ettore b 1894 and Ernesto b 1898.

Maserati cars as we know them first appeared on April 25, 1926, at the Targa Florio. At that race brother Alfieri introduced and drove the first Maserati "production" car. This was an 8-cylinder 1.5 litre called the Tipo 25 (in true Italian fashion, no-one knows where Tipo’s 1 - 24 got to!).

This was also the first car to bear the famous Maserati Trident. The symbol was taken from Giambologna’s Neptune and was designed by brother Mario, so they all got into the act somewhere.

In 1938-1939 Maserati was absorbed into the Orsi Group, the firm then moving to Modena, where it is still based today. However, shortly after WW II the remaining Maserati brothers left the firm but left their name.

The Autotrivia Quiz question for this week refers then to the Maserati brothers after WW II. What was the name of the cars they made in the late 1940’s and early 50’s? So for the Automania FREE beer of the week, be first in with the correct answer. Fax 427 596 or email [email protected].

Godzilla!

The new R34 Nissan GTR (evolution model from the R33) was on display at the Bangkok International Motor Show a couple of months back. These things are just totally awesome. Straight 6 with twin hair dryers hanging off the side, 4 WD, 300 odd neddies, 6 speed Getrag gearbox, big Brembo brakes with cross drilled rotors - the list is seemingly endless. Performance? Try 250 kays in 6th, 0-100 kays in under 5 seconds and around 12 seconds gets you to 160 kph.

Now the one here was a show car - and that’s all. The chances of your seeing one in the flesh on the ground is practically zero in this neck of the woods.

I have driven the R33, the forerunner. Probably one of the most staggering Japanese cars I have ever driven. On the roads these things are just frighteningly fast. The huge "grunt" is exceptional and akin only to a full blown racing car in its "belt in the back" quality.

With the 4WD the road holding is just unbelievable. Not only is it 4WD, but it has a computerised brain that decides to what end of the car the power goes. Dribbling down the road it is 100% rear wheel drive. Start throwing it into a corner and the electronic brain splits the power and starts to feed more into the front wheels and less into the rear until eventually there is a 50/50 split. Let me assure you that by the time you get to this percentage (there is a special gauge on the dash to show you the split) you are doing ‘Michael Schumacher in the rain’ impressions.

In all honesty, I found it too fast for road work. Shame really, but the other road users are entitled to some bitumen too. The GTR is a track machine, in my opinion.

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Created by Andy Gombaz, assisted by Chinnaporn Sangwanlek.