Pattaya Mail — Columns

Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Dolf Riks: Sailors and an unforgettable weekend in the mountains of West Java

The following story did the rounds on board of the ships I sailed on in my younger years. Somewhere in the Netherlands a few ladies had a "get together " coffee morning. When Dutch ladies have a free moment from their daily routines, they drink coffee, not tea, like the British. The conversation came around as to what the husbands of the young housewives, most of them just recently married, were doing for a living. One was a railway man, another a butcher and yet another a salesman. One of the ladies was sitting quietly in a corner not saying very much, until she was asked what kind of work her husband did. "Oh," she said, slightly embarrassed, "he does not work, he is a sailor."

This illustrates - at least in my time, more than forty years ago - the general opinion of the Dutch public for their men at sea. Nowadays, with many wives joining their officer husbands on long voyages, there may be more understanding among the people ashore for the life of a seaman, but in former days, it was taken for granted that ship’s officers do not work. They just strut about in their uniforms like peacocks, seducing young female passengers if any are available and the ship is left to its own devices. Hollywood is partly to blame for this misconception with the showing of silly TV series like "Love Boat".

Another idea of the general public is, or was, that we were a bunch of irresponsible hooligans. This attitude goes back to the sixteenth and seventeenth century when the Dutch fleet made tiny Holland the richest and most powerful country in the world. The United Republic would never have achieved that without the glorious fleet. The affluent burgers in their stately homes on the canals in Amsterdam, Enkhuizen and Hoorn, despised the seagoing part of the population. This had a valid reason. Most of the crew members in those days were an unruly and desperate mob. Except for the captain and the owners, who often joined the ships on their enterprising voyages, sailors and even officers were often shanghaied from inns and taverns. Another way to supply them was to make a deal with the poorhouses and jails, were they were given a Hobson’s choice, "be hanged or go to sea." Considering that the ships often returned from their Odysseys with only a few of the original members alive, the alternative was only slightly more favourable.

I do not deny that we, in my own days at sea, were not of impeccable behaviour at all times. We liked our drinks and after a month of hard work on the coast of Sulawesi, in the Moluccas or crossing the Indian Ocean we would paint the town red. However, we certainly did not deserve the reputation, which has survived for hundreds of years, that sea going humanity as a group, are social outcasts. The feeling that we merchant navy men - the Dutch Royal Navy was much more respected - were looked upon as such, made us stick together. We resented what we called the arrogant "walslurp" or in English the "landlubber" (and the navy people as well). We especially resented, with a passion, the smart alecks and bureaucrats in the offices of our own company. Some of the young agents, the rich Dutch clay still sticking at the soles of their boots, would come on board completely ignoring us, walking straight up to the Captain’s cabin where they expected to be entertained with beer and whiskey and to be invited for lunch or dinner.

This was, of course, the fault of captains who for some reason thought that these whippersnappers deserved this special treatment. Fortunately, there were other captains who showed their contempt in an uncertain way, by not even offering them a Coca-Cola, or a chair. When the young employees dared to arrive on board without the mail, hell would break loose and they were sent all the way back ashore, to pick it up at the office. This, as for instance on the roads of Singapore, could often take more than one or two hours when we had anchored far out in the straits. No business was to be discussed before we had our long awaited mail from home.

Our head office was in Jakarta and up on the slopes of the mountains on the way to the famous Puncak or Summit, the company had a guest house outside a little village called Cipayong which was for the use of all the officers and shore employees. That was theory, because as seafaring employees, we had the greatest difficulty booking this bungalow for a few days. Directors, Managers and other potentates invariably already booked it before we had a chance. Another difficulty was that we never knew for sure when we would be in Tg. Priok, the port of Jakarta, or if we would be at liberty. Contrary to the popular idea of a ship’s officer living a life of leisure, most of the time we worked hard and often for incredibly long and irregular hours.

But, at one occasion we had a young and energetic Chief Engineer with some clout at the head office and he managed to get four of us a booking for a whole weekend at the guesthouse in Cipayong. We were elated.

A small bus brought us first to Bogor, and so on the way to the Puncak. Before we reached this famous rest stop, we took a side road and there, high in the hills, was the guest house complete with a swimming pool containing ice cold water. Our rooms looked out the "sawahs" (paddy fields) and the mighty volcanoes the Pangrango and the Gedeh. In the early morning when the hills were still shrouded in morning fog - none of us fancied the under-cooled water of the pool - we explored the surrounding countryside with its terraced rice fields and the muddy paths through the tree thickets, with here and there a simple small dwelling. Everywhere was the sound of running water coming down from the mountain to irrigate the young rice plants. Further on, in the distance one could see the tea plantations spread like a luscious green carpet over the hills with the bobbing, conical hats of the woman who picked the young leaves for the drying sheds.

On our arrival back at the guest house we had a couple of cold beers followed by a fabulous Rijsttafel, which was not as elaborate as the ones in the first class hotels in Bandung and Jakarta but just the same, a real treat. A siesta afterwards was mandatory and an old tradition, with tea in the afternoon at five. We left early the next morning for the coast and our ship.

 

Dear Hillary,
I am in a relationship where I don’t know what to do anymore. At the beginning, we were crazy for each other. We hardly could spend a day apart, for we felt so lonely without the other.

Now, everything seems to have changed. Whatever I do gets on his nerves. He complains about the way I eat, drink, walk, talk or drive the car. Sometimes I really have to hold on to myself not to start screaming at him. He accuses me of anything possible or impossible. Lately, we have been having a lot of fights about nothing. Bad words are exchanged, threats are made, and worse sometimes he even slaps me.

Within a few hours, he usually regrets what he has done, he begs for forgiveness and I usually forgive him. The next two days, all seems to be back to normal - until he starts a new fight out of the blue. Whenever I ask him what’s wrong with him, it ends in hour-long speeches and finally in a fight.

What can I do?

Troubled.

Dear Troubled,
When things turn into accusations and fights, both verbally and bodily, you have to get out of this troubled relationship as fast as possible. If everything is the way you describe it, the only thing left to say is, so long and good luck!

If he always picks on you, even about little things, it’s a sign that he doesn’t love you the way he used to. People can fall out of love as fast as they can fall in love. Nobody, including you, can make a person love you. No matter how long you drag out this relationship with cunning ways, sooner or later it will even get worse. Why belittle yourself? Why do you want somebody to be around you who obviously doesn’t love you? All you are doing by keeping up this relationship is humiliating yourself the same way as he humiliates you. Everybody is entitled to dignity and respect. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love him.

Make a clean break, its time now. Maybe, after you are gone, he might realise what you really meant to him.

Dear Hillary,
I recently found out that my Thai wife has been sleeping with another man. She still acts as my lover and wants to have sex with me as well. Until now, I was too hurt to sleep with her, but I still love her and I miss our lovemaking. What should I do? She doesn’t feel sorry for what she did and just laughs at my face, admitting nothing and calling me crazy. How should I react? Should I refuse to have sex with her, should I get a separation immediately or should I try to work it out with her? I am very confused already.

Confused.

Dear Confused,
My first advice to you is to talk very straight about it with her. You deserve to know the truth. But, what is the truth? Did she get caught in the act or how did you find out about it? Only if you 100% sure that she cheated on you, can you accuse her. If she admits her adultery and you are willing to forgive her, ask her if she has been practising safe sex. Anyhow, in that case, an Aids test would be appropriate. Don’t have sex with her until you have the clean proof. Better safe than sorry.

If she admits to your accusations and you cannot bear the thought her having sex with another man, leave her. But this is something you will have to decide for yourself. If it was only a one-night stand, which could probably happen to anyone depending on the situation, think twice about leaving her. Only if she has a permanent boyfriend besides you, should you definitely finish this relationship.

Dear Readers,
There’s always something you like to know or need advice about. Sometimes it is hard to talk to your family or your friends about it, but much easier to open up to a total stranger. Therefore, please don’t hesitate to write letters to me and tell me about your problems. Your letters will be handled with the utmost respect and confidence and will be answered, no matter if you sign with your name or only with a pseudonym.

Yours truly,
Hillary

  Thai Idiom: Luy

Lui can mean to wade in water; luy nam.
It also means ‘do it!’

If someone is hesitant about doing something or beginning a project, they may be told to ‘Luy!’.

‘Dive right in!’ ‘Just do it!’

This word has a very flat, bored tone.

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