Features

Get ahead get a hat
A Brit. was in trouble with the police for possessing indecent photographs. His lawyer warned him that the authorities these days were taking a dim view of pornography. ‘But it is simply untrue that all these women are nudes,’ he pleaded. ‘One of them is wearing a top hat.’
Leo the lion
A man was accused of a failed bank raid after a high speed chase down a familiar highway. He had to explain to the police why his wife and six month old baby were in the back seat. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘my horoscope sign advised me to spend today with my family.’
Sexy shopping
A UK university study has found that Britons are addicted to shopping because it makes up for sexual fulfilment in their lives. ‘Sexually frustrated people like to gaze at products on the shelves because they feel in control of their lives,’ says the report. So that’s why the shopping malls in Pattaya are so crowded.
Tiger economy
The world bank reports that, in spite of ten years growth, there are still two billion people in South East Asia surviving on two dollars a day. How many of them are Pattaya Farangs, cleaned out financially and living on overstay visa’s?
Seen in a local bar
A sign saying ‘Prosperous Christmas and a Merry New Year’ Well its in a beer bar.
Market expert
News that a Cambodian politician threatened to shoot down any airline bringing home a rival must have caused a shiver at Phnom Penh’s tourist headquarters. Not to worry, though, as the statement was amended to, ‘The real battlefield will be at the airport.’
Crime might pay
A Farang was telling his Thai girl friend why he refused to obtain an ATM card. ‘They are outdated and, starting next year, you will be able to withdraw cash in the home via Internet.’ The girl replied, “So you can be mugged at home instead of in the streets.’
Retirement visa’s
It is not a question of having a cash deposit of 500,000 baht (if you are 55-60) or 200,000 baht (if you are over 60) in a Thai bank. You will probably be asked to provide an audit trail of how you obtain the money. So always keep a copy of your home bank’s transfer of funds documentation to show the authorities in Thailand.
Chicken launcher
In a recent issue of ‘Meat & Poultry’ magazine, editors quoted from “Feathers”, the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story:
It seems the US Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on aeroplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they’re developing. They borrowed the FAA’s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer’s chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: “Use an unfrozen chicken.”