Addictive Relationships

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Almost everyone has seen it, and a few of you might even have personal experiences with what is commonly called ‘addictive relationships’. These are the forms of relationships where everyone around a particular couple might raise their hands in disbelief over why both partners are still together.

There might be a strong and obvious imbalance between both of them, sometimes aggressiveness or jealousy of one partner towards the other or blackmailing, but still, for some reason, the ‘addicted’ partner can’t find a way to ultimately break up or might even excuse their loved one’s behavior.

I have helped numerous clients get rid of their addictions over the years, and in working with couples (another major field of my work), I couldn’t help but notice certain patterns in chronically difficult relationships that resemble problems of addicts that their partners or family members have to fight with.

An addictive relationship thus is unthinkable without one partner who is emotionally unstable and would in most cases require professional support to successfully deal with their problems for one. But since they are not ready to deal with their problems, or they are delusional, it needs someone who is ready to ‘support’, or in better words: invest their time, energy and often enough money to take the edge off the other’s imminent issues and to keep not only themselves, but also the relationship going, hoping for things to get better in the near future.

But often enough, it just keeps a vicious circle going – a circle the partner might actually already have experienced during their entire life, sometimes extreme behavior endured by helpful souls who took care for them along the way.

Unfortunately, there is no simple ‘recipe’ on how to help such partners effectively, as the one who suffers most is often very resistant to all efforts aimed at helping them get back on their feet again.

Many of you will know firsthand how many times these friends or acquaintances end up emotionally damaged, financially weakened or even physically injured. What you as a fellow friend can do is to avoid getting sucked into the ‘black hole’ of such an relationship yourself and to push both of them to seek professional advice.

Live the happy life you planned! Richard L. Fellner is head of the Pattaya Counseling Center in Soi Khopai and offers consultations in English and German languages (after making appointments at 0854 370 470).