What farangs have brought to Pattaya

by Barrie Kenyon

The British. More bars in South Pattaya are owned by Brits than any other nationality. This is best explained by the fact that Britain lost an empire which has left ex missionaries and aging mercenaries with nothing else to do. The British have also introduced the concept of Pension Evaporation (PE) which means investing your work severance lump sum in a business which goes flop. Have brought several new dishes to the Orient such as khaow phat with chips as well as sweet and sour tenderloin steak. Use many expressions which are untranslatable in Thai including the Stiff Upper Lip and Rule Britannia. Brits persist in believing in the universal application of fair play and trust which is why they are extremely popular amongst local virgins.

The Germans. Found mostly in North Pattaya, although the more imperialistic are already terming Pattaya Central the New Sudetenland. Thais refer to Germans as the sort of people who buy a platform ticket before storming the railway station. Have had to alter their behavior in Thailand more than any other nationality. For example, their practice of draping towels overnight across their favorite deck chair stopped abruptly after they were charged an hourly rate by delighted beach operators. Loving clubs of all descriptions, Germans have founded in Pattaya a number of distinguished ones such as The Beethoven Society and The Kant Weekly Seminar, although none of these are believed to have made it to a second meeting. Germans tend to keep to themselves and particularly dislike the Japanese for their failure to build an atomic bomb in time.

The Celtic Fringe. A somewhat derogatory term for Welsh, Irish and Scots who prefer to be known as the Atlantic Arc. The Welsh are famous for very little in Pattaya and their answers are always ignored if questions on Wales come up in local quiz leagues. They have produced no graphic art, no architecture, no drama. But there is general relief that they have not introduced into Pattaya too many brass bands. The Irish, being the EEC country with the highest percentage of home ownership, were much sought after Pattaya estate agents until it was discovered that the Irish punt is not quoted on the foreign exchange lists of Thai banks. On the other hand, the Irish are generally believed to be a fair people because they never speak well of each other. The unruly and violent Scots have consumed an inordinate amount of police time in Pattaya, but their arrest is made easier by their common practice of tattooing their name clearly below the hair line.

The French. France, a country run by 75 year olds because all 80 year olds are already dead, produces two hundred and forty six kinds of cheese which are not available in Pattaya. Good cooks, the French have an irresistible urge to be different and are believed to have started the practice in Pattaya of putting several holes on the top of pepper pots which so confuses local kitchen staff and leads to many customer complaints. It is commonly asserted that the French are particularly prone to breaking Thai laws. There is no evidence for this except that Chonburi prison is nicknamed The Bastille and all unusually rich Thai criminal lawyers can understand what Bonjour means.

The Italians. An artistic and creative people who blossomed during the Renaissance but who have been going downhill since. Echoes of their former supreme opera singing can still be found in their enthusiasm for the Alcazar and Tiffany extravaganzas. Have started some excellent restaurants in Pattaya, some of which have pioneered a novel dietary framework by serving the shrimp cocktail after the main course pasta dish. It is easy to identify Italian chefs in Pattaya as they are usually talking about how pizza is not Italian but an American import. Italians are responsible for introducing the word Mafia into the Thai vocabulary which may explain why there are several copies of the movie The Godfather in the traffic police headquarters.

The Russians. Russians take over Pattaya for several weeks every year arriving locally in huge charter planes which are banned almost everywhere else. New to international tourism, Russians tend to be confused by signs in two star hotel bedrooms with instructions not to throw foreign bodies down the toilet. Pattaya condo owners report that Russian guests commonly place light bulbs in the fridge to prevent them overheating and complain that their laundry disappeared after pressing the start button identified as Flush. Colonizing Muscovites have suggested the most likely new name for Pattaya, i.e. Little Moscow. Russians talk loudly and like to show off their worldly goods. Any woman walking down Sukhumvit Highway in the heat of the day and wearing a fur coat is likely to be a Russian.

The Americans. Fewer of them in Pattaya than you would imagine. Elderly Americans in particular are reluctant to take holidays abroad after hearing a remark on Larry King Live that, "God gave Americans their country as a cradle but made the whole world their grave". Other commentators believe that Americans have no need to visit Pattaya as Coca Cola, hamburgers and old movies are also available in their own country. Every few months, hordes of American conscripts descend from aircraft carriers and destroyers in what are evidently mock military manoeuvres. Their presence is limited to a few streets since they are forbidden to get into trouble, become intoxicated or visit gay bars. Most long queues at ATM machines are formed by Americans.

A Finance Minister’s tale

by Noel Tippler

I often hear people refer to 1997 as a catastrophic year for the Thai economy. I have taxed my brain time and time again in an effort to understand the basis for these ridiculous protestations as my personal statement of net worth indicates quite the opposite: in the latter half of 1997 my personal wealth increased by 250%. I can only conclude that if this is what happens in a ‘catastrophic year for the Thai economy’, then had it been a boom year my financial situation would have made Bill Gates of Microsoft look like a pauper.

Having stated what can only be seen as the obvious, 1997 did not, however, pass without its trials and tribulations for me. Toward the middle of the year I was astonished to learn from the Prime Minister that my physical presence was to be required in the office on a daily basis for the foreseeable future. This meant that my golfing commitments would have to be drastically reduced, thereby dealing me a not inconsiderable dent in the wallet. To explain, when a man in my position plays golf, Thai etiquette irrevocably dictates that I must be allowed to win although my opponents are obliged not to make it too obvious so as not to provoke sniggers from the caddies. I actually have a realistic handicap of 8 but naturally I follow the long established Thai tradition of playing off 24. This, one would think, should put me in a position of some advantage but it does not as all the other players adjust their handicaps in similar fashion: this is where the Thai etiquette system falls down, which reminds me that I must have a word with the Sport’s Minister to issue a directive to ensure fair play for players of lesser social and political standing than myself.

Anyhow, the net result of having to actually go to the office each day meant a loss of golf gambling income in the region of Bt. 500,000 per week, not to mention the value of the gifts and favours that Thai businessmen would automatically bestow upon me at the end of play.

I took the liberty of telephoning the Prime Minister and almost pleaded with him to reconsider his directive. He was having none of it. He made it very clear to me that troubled times were ahead and the full Cabinet had to be seen to be putting every effort into ensuring the country’s well being in both the long and short terms. It was quite beyond me as to what contribution I could make. I should have thought that my initial days in office had demonstrated to all concerned that the office cleaner had a deeper understanding of matters financial than myself. I recall the last full cabinet meeting that I attended when I was bombarded with questions on such mystical subjects such as ‘Year on year G.D.P. Strategy’, ‘International Foreign Exchange Cross Rate Analysis and Projection’, ‘Interest Rate Strategy in view of the latest Inflationary Indicators’, ‘Stock Exchange Regulation and Control’, ‘Corporate Taxation Revisions’ to name but a few. It seemed quite farcical for me to parry such questions across to anyone at the huge conference table who seemed potentially capable of tying his own shoelaces without the assistance of his mum or a maid. After all, we pay bright little rich brats who have been educated in either the UK or US at the Thai taxpayers’ expense of Bt.150,000 per month to answer such unintelligible questions. It is quite clear that my financial qualifications are second to none, thanks to the services of that American fraudster that I had the good fortune to sit next to on one of my ‘fact finding’ trips to the US. I have all the certificates and diplomas adorning the walls of my office as proof of my academic brilliance for all to see. However, some cynics have been known to express a view that my performance at meetings, particularly my absolute refusal to answer any questions whatsoever, gives cause for some concern. Regardless, there was only one occasion when the validity of my qualifications was brought into question, when a Junior Minister had the audacity to suggest that if all my qualifications were genuine then I would have to be at least 106 years old. I sometimes wonder if he ever did recover from the injuries received in that unfortunate incident involving four machete wielding special agents who ‘mistook’ him for a most wanted criminal. I know that he lost his left leg and both arms but as I have heard nothing to the contrary, I can only assume that he must have made it back to his village and after a few sessions of occupational therapy at his local temple he is to this day no doubt hopping around a rice paddy with consummate ease, planting and harvesting rice using his mouth.

Given the Prime Minister’s stubborn position as regards my daily attendance at the office, the first day of full Cabinet sessions soon came around. I deliberately arrived a little late so as to cause maximum irritation to all concerned, particularly the Prime Minister. Much to my chagrin, they had started the meeting without me. Moreover, my arrival went completely unnoticed and no-one even took the trouble to bring me up to speed on the matter under discussion. I showed my disdain by finishing off reading the comic strips in the Outlook section of the Bangkok Post after loudly depositing the unread Business section into the nearest waste bin, promptly followed by a half-eaten mango. These actions clearly made everyone aware of my presence, although no formal acknowledgment was immediately forthcoming. I decided that I had may as well try and get on track with the topic of ongoing discussion and hoped that it had nothing to do with anything that could be perceived to be relative to my sphere of control. I breathed a sigh of relief when it became clear that the discussion had no financial substance and was merely a Human Resources issue involving some unfortunate female going by the name of ‘Peg’. I had never heard of anyone in the higher echelons of the government called ‘Peg’ and so I was a little bemused as to why this supreme governmental body was giving its full attention to the plight of one female employee. Usually, any issues involving female personnel concerned some sort of sexual indiscretion but there were established and well used procedures to smoothly handle such situations. Only a month previous the Minister for Foreign Affairs was receiving oral sex from one of the ASEAN country’s Trade Secretaries when the lift doors opened and a gallery of some fifteen reporters stood agog as the more than surprised Minister simply stared at them in bewilderment, apparently unable to speak or move. This situation was particularly awkward as the Trade Secretary in question happened to also be male. The Prime Minister more recently had to contend with the problem of being accidentally videotaped giving his secretary a fierce anal rogering across the overhead projector in Training Room F69. The tape was inadvertently played to the South Vietnamese Delegation when they were expecting to see a video entitled: ‘Sewing The Seeds of Change’. For some reason the Delegation insisted upon watching the video all the way through, twice, and were most put out when their request to be furnished with copies to take home was firmly denied. Thanks to the procedures to which I refer above, both incidents were expertly dealt with culminating in not one word reaching either the Thai or International media. I now hold a copy of the Prime Minister’s movie debut, which I will use at my own discretion should the under-endowed bully start pushing me around again. I am also trying to get hold of a copy of the security film of the lift incident starring the ‘Foreign Affairs Faggot’ so that I can make him jump through hoops should he continue to voice his relentless snide remarks about me.

The discussion on the fate of poor old ‘Peg’ continued and it seemed clear that a consensus had formed concluding that she would have to be done away with by drowning. They were going to ‘float’ her.

The Prime Minister quickly gleaned from my grimaces that I was clearly not in support of such drastic action. When taken to task by the number one, I actually surprised myself when I heard myself actually answering a direct question. I passionately pleaded the case for poor ‘Peg’, explaining that she was only a mere 25 and whatever her crime she should not end up floating in some putrid klong. Surely, I concluded, all that needed to be done was to transfer her to another building or just ‘let her go’ with a few hundred baht in her pocket.

The room fell silent as everyone stared incredulously at me. The sound of silence that pervaded the room was broken some two minutes later when the Prime Minister finally composed himself and ordered that ‘Peg’ was to be dispensed with the following day. We were all then passed forms which we were ordered to sign on the spot. I managed to work out that I was being forced to sign away every satang of my wealth. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister rattled on about how we would use the collective wealth to take the Thai Stock Market by storm and we would also buy US Dollars ‘with both hands’: we were going to make an absolute killing, he announced with glee. The word ‘killing’ made me feel quite faint as I thought of the plight of ‘Peg’. The vision of her ‘floating’, as they kept saying, sent shivers down my spine.

Before I knew what was happening, I was whisked off to Don Muang Airport in the company of a Security Guard and the Minister for Internal Affairs who told me that we were Hong Kong bound. I decided not to even bother asking why and just sought refuge in the amply stocked cocktail cabinet in the limousine. By the time we were airborne, I was as drunk as a lord and did not give a damn about anything. I was literally kept under house arrest in the Excelsior Hotel in Causeway Bay on Hong Kong Island: even the telephone had been disconnected. The rest of the Cabinet were over on Kowloon side apparently keeping me as far away as possible.

I spent the next four days in drunken oblivion and was then finally released from my incarceration before being whisked back to Bangkok. From the newspapers on the plane I was delighted to learn that ‘Peg’ had merely been ‘released’ and her place had been taken by someone known as ‘Reference Rate’. What a relief knowing that ‘Peg’ was O.K. even though she had been replaced by someone with a name more befitting a race horse that was over 40 and aging by at least a year each day! Most peculiar indeed.

A few days later, we were all summoned for a full Cabinet meeting and we were each issued with updated statements of our individual net worth with the promise of still more to come. I still do not understand what the whole episode was about but who cares? ‘Peg’ had been released and I was now a very wealthy man and could go back to making honest pocket-money playing golf every day. Long live politics and ‘core eruption’, whatever that is!

In celebration of Italy’s Constitution Day - June 2nd

History of Italy

As a nation state, Italy has emerged only in 1871. Until then the country was politically divided into a large number of independent cities, provinces and islands. The currently available evidences point out to a dominant Etruscan, Greek and Roman cultural influence on today's Italians.

The earliest human settlements within the territory of present-day Italy date almost certainly to the initial phase of the Quaternary era (Pleistocene). This period was characterized by frequent alternation in climatic conditions, with consequent phases of expansion and retreat in the Alpine and Apennine glaciers and relative variations in sea level.

With the Iron Age, Italy and her population practically enter the historical period. Until the end of 5th century AD Italy was dominated by a number of tribes, and finally the Romans. The last hundred years of the Western Roman Empire, from the second half of the 4th century, coincided with large migrations of Germanic peoples (Visigoths, Vandals, Burgundians, Huns, Heruli, Alemanni, etc.) who on different occasions settled within her territories. At the same time economic conditions also reflected the political instability of the imperial government, it deteriorated gradually and was accompanied by a chronic fall in population.

It was in this period that the influence of the Christian church began to make itself felt more consistently. This was in contrast to the progressive orientalization of the Empire, now focused on its new capital of Costantinople, founded by the emperor Constantine between 326-330 on the site of the ancient Greek colony of Byzantium.

With first the Normans and then the Hohenstaufen (1220-1266), besides the institution of particularly efficient state structures that formed a network of control throughout the territory, there was introduced into Italy, with all its juridical implications, the feudal system. This further favoured the expansion of large establishments, whether civil or ecclesiastical, but conserved for the towns sufficient independence to guarantee the development of economic activities.

The ending of imperial authority, quickly followed by the papal crisis involving its transfer to France from 1309 to 1377, was accompanied by a strengthening in the independence of the Northern and Central Italian communes. There was also a notable economic improvement for the majority of towns in the Po Valley and Tuscany.

The sparse inclination of the newly-formed urban middle-class for military activities led to a search for the protection and support of their interests by the powerful feudal families. In a short time, although in the name of the people, they acquired the signoria or lordship of the old communes. Their sphere of interest then often spread considerably beyond the original town and its surrounding district, forming a much more extensive territory. In practice, the change from commune to new signoria also signified the transformation of the first city-states into true and proper States, whose political force was therefore directly connected to their economic power.

In this atmosphere of renewed vitality, culture also prospered with a new enthusiasm for the study of the classical world and a revaluation of interest in nature and man (humanism). The arts (from literature to the expressive and figurative) had one of their finest moments. The appearance of towns was transformed with the introduction of new styles of architecture. During this period Italy indeed became the cultural centre of Europe.

A period of calm, in the agitated political panorama of Renaissance Italy, seemed to be heralded by the Peace of Lodi (1454). The great Italian states of Milan, Florence, Venice, Rome and Naples agreed to guarantee through the Lega Italica at least forty years of peace and stability.

Between the mid-15th century and the mid-18th century, Italian city states fought against the Spanish and then the French domination. They gained their independence after this long and politically chaotic period.

The next fifty years saw a period of relative political stability and economic progress for all the various Italian States. Judicial and administrative reforms were carried out, generally marked by increased efficiency in state structures. This was also due to the actions of statesmen and enlightened sovereigns like Maria Teresa of Austria and Joseph II in Lombardy, Bernardo Tanucci at Naples, Pietro Leopoldo in Tuscany and Pius VI at Rome.

Following this brief but intense period came first the echo of the French Revolution (1789) and the tragic end of the French monarchy (1792) and then the resounding reality of the Napoleonic armies. The latter's first Italian Campaign (1796) carried with it the hope of an independent Italy before too long. Spanish predominance in Italy, extending over some two centuries, had rather negative consequences for the country, whose economy, especially in the rich northern and central regions underwent a disastrous decline. This brought in its train social and cultural repercussions. The imbalance between the southern regions and the rest of the country increased, above all in the agricultural sector.

After the revolution, Italy had to concede to France cultural leadership. A contribution that was to play a significant role in the political and philosophical debate leading to the revolutionary spirit of the 18th century. Earlier, however, and again from France, there had spread throughout Europe, of course including Italy, the new spirit of Enlightenment. This was a reaction against the restrictions imposed by tradition and religious faith, revaluing the human intellectual capacity and individual conscience in its ability to confront and resolve the great issues of humanity and its destiny through the use of reason alone. Favoured also by the renewal of economic and civil life through a series of reforms stemming from the tolerant and enlightened rulers of the period, Italy made her main contribution in this field at Milan and Naples by the actions of statesmen and economists of the calibre of Beccaria, Verri, Romagnosi, Galiani, Genovesi, Pagano and Filangieri. Reforming activities were, however, abruptly interrupted by the events of the French Revolution, bringing into question the very concepts of State and Society under the pressure of the new Jacobinism.

The Italian political and territorial picture, which at the end of the 18C seemed to have stabilised, rapidly disintegrated in the face of Napoleon Bonaparte's first military campaign across the peninsula so as to successfully attack the Austrian Empire on its southern flank. Successive events further reinforced Napoleon's control of Italy. His brother-in-law Murat ascended the throne of Naples; the Kingdom of Italy was expanded with the Trentino and Alto Adige (the latter fiercely defended by Andreas Hofer); and Tuscany and the Papal States were incorporated in the new French Empire (Peace of Schönbrunn, 14 October 1810). But after a brief interlude, the failure of Napoleon's Russian Campaign and his defeats at Leipzig (1813) and Waterloo (1815), as well as Murat's tragic end (October 1815), brought back to Italy the restoration of the old political and territorial order under the terms of the Congress of Vienna (June 1815).

But the seeds of liberty and change had been sown in Italy, above all with the First Napoleonic Campaign, and a sense of national unity had been aroused by the establishment of first republican structures and then the Kingdom of Italy.

Following the plebiscite that voted in favour of annexation to Piedmont (1860), there then began the construction, together with the territory of Southern Italy that had been taken by Garibaldi's expedition of `The Thousand', of the United Kingdom of Italy. This was to be proclaimed at Turin on 17 March 1861, though the acquisition of Rome and Venice were still outstanding. The latter was added five years later (1866) following an unfortunate conflict with Austria, which was resolved in Italy's favour thanks to the intervention of Prussia; Rome was conquered by force, 20 September 1870, on the fall of Napoleon III. With these events the territorial unity of the Italian nation was almost complete and it was now necessary to construct its own social, economic and cultural image.

Among the numerous and complex problems of the new State emerged the need to bring uniformity to a territory that was so politically and economically diverse. The indiscriminate application of the administrative, judicial and fiscal structures of the old Piedmont was to create a further divide between Italy's more economically developed Northern and Central regions and the structurally weaker Southern region (the Mezzogiorno). A mass emigration of peasants and the poorest classes to the two Americas occurred (in the decades spanning the 19-20C the number reached several million) and the so-called southern question took root. At the same time, in order to compete with the other European powers, Italy followed a policy of colonial expansion in Africa. She occupied Eritrea (1885-96), Somalia (1889-1905), Libya and the islands of the Aegean (1911-12). A commercial concession (500 sq miles) centred on Tien-Tsin was obtained from China in 1902.

In the economic and social areas the period from the taking of Rome to Italy entering the First World War (1870-1915) was characterized by general growth in the whole country. This was undoubtedly favoured by an interlude in international politics that allowed Italy to put her financial affairs in order and re-organize her administrative structure. There then followed the development of certain essential sectors, such as the rail network and basic industries, often making use of foreign capital. At the same time, attempts were made to strengthen international political relations (by joining in the Triple Alliance with the Germany of Bismark and the Austria of Franz Joseph) and commercial links, even if it was eventually necessary to resort to protectionism in order to protect the still fragile national economy. While agriculture encountered notable difficulties due to the fall in prices on foreign markets and the backward conditions of a large part of the countryside, as well as the scourge of malaria, industry was a growth area. The textile industry, with its two main sectors of silk and cotton, as well as the metallurgical and mechanical industries were favoured by increasing supplies of electrical energy from the newly built water-powered plants in the upper Alpine and Apennine valleys.

Just after WWI, which was already lost, a number of new political parties were founded; Partito Popolare (1919), by Luigi Sturzo, as a continuation of the Democrazia Cristiana; Partito Comunista d'Italia (1921, at Leghorn), from a split with the Partito Socialista and led by Antonio Gramsci; and, finally, the Fasci di Combattimento of Benito Mussolini, previously a socialist leader and an ardent interventionist. This latter movement, after having obtained 35 deputies in the 1921 election, transformed itself into the Partito Nazionale Fascista equipped with a revolutionary programme that, after the episode of the March on Rome of 28 October 1922, brought Mussolini to the head of a government.

Having obtained a parliamentary majority in the 1924 election and the following year passed a law increasing the powers of the head of government, it was in 1926, with the abolition of all the other political parties, that the Fascist dictatorship formally began.

In its external policy the Fascist regime especially sought prestige by further colonial expansion, as that into Ethiopia (1935-36) or participation in the Spanish Civil War on the side of Franco's forces. Gradually, Italy's good relations with France, Britain and the Soviet Union (whose revolutionary government Italy was the first country to recognize) deteriorated, while her links with Hitler's Germany increased (Rome-Berlin Axis, 1936). In 1939 the Pact of Steel with Germany, after an initially non-belligerent phase, inevitably dragged Italy, in 1940, into the tragic events of the Second World War (1939-45).

Italy's increasingly unsuccessful war, fought on many fronts and against better trained and equipped armies, overwhelmed Mussolini in 1943, when he was censured by his own party. He was replaced as head of government by the Marshall Pietro Badoglio, who immediately signed an armistice with the allied powers (3 September 1943). The formation of a new government by Mussolini in Northern Italy, the Repubblica Sociale Italiana based at Salò, with the support of Germany and in opposition to the monarchial government (temporarily based at Brindisi) provoked a civil war. This was only brought to an end by the intervention of the allied armies, the formation of the partisans, the abdication of the king and the end of Mussolini (28 April-2 May 1945).

After an interlude with several national coalition governments and the provisional rule of Umberto II of Savoy, Alcide De Gasperi of the Democrazia Cristiana became President of the Council. On 2 June 1946 the results of the institutional referendum brought to an end the monarchy of the House of Savoy (its last king, Umberto II, going into exile) and heralded the republic which was officially proclaimed on 18 June 1946. Enrico De Nicola was elected as the Republic's first President. Under the government led by De Gasperi, the first parliamentary assembly to be freely elected by the people began work on the new Constitutional Charter that was to come into force on 1 January 1948.

Coming out of the Second World War completely ruined and crippled by the severe territorial restrictions imposed by the peace treaty (Paris, 1 February 1947), the new Italian Republic had to face the many problems of material and moral reconstruction. It did this with an impressive effort that in the space of a few years produced extraordinary results. Since then Italy's political arena has been dominated by democratically elected right and left-wing parties.

Treat yourself to royal treatment at Le Café Royale

Dining Out - A culinary excursion with Ambrosia

Ian Reed, an Englishman, and Robert Ruiter of Holland opened this fine restaurant in 1992. Both showed good taste when decorating the place. The restaurant has a terrace with small tables in front, giving one the impression of a street Café somewhere in Paris. It is the right place for night owls to watch the busy night-life in this street, since Le Café Royal opens its doors from 7:00 p.m. until 4:00 a..

Yet, as soon as one enters the restaurant itself, the impression changes. The walls and the ceiling, the stage right in the middle of the place with illuminating lights all around, a small bar in a corner, all made of Teakwood and the nicely decorated tables on two levels give the room a warm radiation. Beautiful wooden carved pictures and statues add to the elegant atmosphere. 2,620 mini-bottles of booze (don’t count them, there might be even more after printing this article), collected from all over the world, are displayed in glass shelves around the ceiling.

Right next to the restaurant is another room, called ‘the coffees hop’, with marble walls, which is open 24 hours a day. Very unusual, breakfast is available for 24 hours. Yes, 24 hours, for Le Café Royal also has a small hotel with 20 rooms. The small, yet nicely decorated reception is conveniently next to the coffee shop.

My friend Erika and I missed "big" Ian, who recently went to England for vacation. Robert "Robby" Ruiter welcomed us, but soon had to run off for another meeting. He left us in good company. Ian D. McKnight of Guide to the East, a close friend of the owners, was our knight for the evening. He helped us to choose the food and the wine. Obviously, he is a regular there and knows a lot about it. Still, our problem started with choosing the cocktails and aperitifs. How, I ask you, can somebody choose the right drink out of 52, one sounding better than the other one, still not counting all the spirits, liqueurs and cognacs? At the end, my friend decided to get "One last Kiss", while I got in touch with a "Senior Playboy". Both of them were exactly what we were looking for.

Anyhow, while listening to the sounds of the piano, played by "Guy" (every day from 8:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m.) and sipping on our drinks, we finally managed to find what we were going to eat. Again, it was not so easy, the choice being so big. We took a "Tomato and Orange Soup" and an "Egg Mayonaise with Smoked Salmon" as starters. To tell you the truth, I have never tasted a tomato soup like that before. It was simply superb. So was the second starter.

For main dishes we decided to take a Fillet Mignon "Le Café Royal", a home made style "Cottage Pie", and one of the daily changing specials, a "Roast Leg of Pork" which is served on Thursdays.

To describe the taste of the food would take me too long, even a poet would have trouble finding the right words to compliment it. And, my editor would fire me for taking up so much space. So, I better keep it short. The fillet was done medium rare, exactly the way we like it, very tender and tasty in red wine sauce with mushrooms and vegetables. The Cottage Pie, a typical English dish, filled with a mixture of beef, carrots and peas and a tasty sauce topped with mashed potatoes, was hefty, but delicious at the same time. The roast leg of pork came with apple sauce, Rösti potatoes, red cabbage and French beans. Again it was made to perfection and very tasty.

Never refusing a dessert, we choose "Chocolate Crepes" and a "Dutch Apple Pie". Both were so good that I alone almost finished all of them, leaving my friend only a small portion. (I am sure she’ll never forgive me for that.)

The menu includes International food, Seafood and Vegetarian food, besides all the salads, soups, starters, burgers, sandwiches and desserts. They also offer a wide range of Oriental dishes. And, of course, a big choice for breakfast.

The prices at Le Café Royal are very reasonable according to what they have to offer. For example, the most expensive meal there will only cost Baht 290, which is Roast Leg of Lamb. All other prices range between 80 and 250 Baht.

If you like to sit in an elegant yet cozy restaurant, the no less elegant coffee shop, or at the terrace enjoying good food and piano music, try out Le Café Royal at Pattaya Land, Soi 3. I promise you, you won’t regret it. For those who like to have a very late dinner - or very early breakfast - its also the right place. Even past midnight they have music entertainment there, featuring "Noi and Ter", a very talented couple. At least once a year, Le Café Royal has shows from Europe, much to the delight of all the regular and drop-in customers.

Grand Opening of the Sugar Hut

The Sugar Hut recently completed major renovations and celebrated with a Grand Re-Opening ceremony last week.

Many of Thailand and Pattaya’s top dignitaries attended, including General Chetta Thanaharo, the Commander in Chief of the Army.

As Dr. Sanya Viravaithaya stated in his opening speech, "The Sugar Hut took 6 years to be completed. We started off with thatch roofs and walls which were gradually changed to tiles and wood. Today that task is now completed - 33 bungalows around 3 swimming pools, restaurant, gymnasium, bar, and conference facilities.

"The authentic Thai architecture and buildings represent part of Amazing Thailand and were built by master craftsmen. People from afar can enjoy the beauty and comfort of the Thai houses and dining facilities - including Thai people who may not come across them frequently."

Dr. Sanya recognized the esteemed Commander in Chief of the Thai Army, stating, "Throughout the hundreds of years of Thai history and culture, the people and the army have been very closely intertwined. Today we are most fortunate to have His Excellency the Commander in Chief of the Army to do the honors in this official opening."

Army Commander Chestha Thanajaro also gave opening remarks, stating "It is with great pleasure that I accept the honor of presiding at the opening of the Sugar Hut, a comprehensive hostelry. It boasts every convenience a traveler could want. Whether it be the elegant restaurant, the azure waters of the swimming pool or the Karaoke room, the Sugar Hut will amaze and amuse you.

"Special praise must go to the staff of Dr. Sanya Viravaithaya for his transcendent ideas in the building of the Sugar Hut. The Sugar Hut is truly Thai from roof to floor. Set in the most natural of settings, the Sugar Hut will thrill all people. It is not easy to find such a bucolic and pastoral place in the country, due to the exigencies of progress. This will help our foreign friends living in Thailand become acquainted with Thai customs, culture food and fun. It will show how Thai people are ever concerned with keeping the country as Thai as possible. The Sugar Hut is a perfect example of how very Amazing Thailand truly is."

Automania: An “Effing” Good Time

by Iain Corness

There appears to be an unfortunate tradition in Thailand to "road test" vehicles by selectively rewriting articles previously published in the English/American press. Let me assure you that any tested vehicles you read about in Automania has been personally driven and evaluated by me.

This week’s test car was an MG and was given a real work-out. Not only driven, prodded and poked but also pushed in competition.

This latest MG follows a long line of alphabetical models. There have been K’s, T’s, N’s and even V’s with the last memorable MG’s being A’s, B’s and C’s. I don’t know what happened to the D’s and E’s but the new sports car offering from the MG marquee is called an F.

After experiencing the MGF at the Bira Circuit this month I can tell you that "F" stands for "Fun" or perhaps even "Ferrari eater"? Read on!

The MGF is a classic two seater, open sports car. Roughly around the same size as the MGB, it will fit in most garages at 3.91 metres long and 1.63 metres wide.

Also similar to the "B", the MGF has a 4 cylinder 1.8 litre engine. However, the power output (145 bhp) is much greater than the poor old MGB’s ever had (even in "race" tune). The engine is known as the VVC K-Series and is of the variable valve timing type and comes complete with twin overhead cams and 4 valves per cylinder. It has an alloy block (again in racing tradition) and has fuel injection and electronic engine management.

A radical departure from the classic layout is in the drive train. Instead of the classic front-engined, rear wheel drive of yore, the latest MG retains rear wheel drive, but the engine is transversely mounted in the middle of the car. And that’s plum in the middle - between the seats and the boot. It does encroach upon the boot space, but MG reckon you can get two full sets of golf clubs in the boot. I was actually unaware the seven dwarfs played golf.

Talking about storage space, MG have done well with the interior of the F. Inside the passenger compartment there are all sorts of little lockers and secret compartments to make clever use of otherwise useless areas.

The MGF comes with its own integral soft top and an optional removable hard top. Unlike the rag roof of old, the MGF’s cloth cap doesn’t flap hopelessly at speeds above 80 kph and it can be put down by the driver while still sitting in the car. Erection isn’t difficult either (the Viagra option?), so MG really have dragged the F, kicking and screaming, into the 1990’s! Anyone who ever owned an earlier series MG will attest to the hood problems. The reason you carried a passenger was to help you put the roof up when it rained!

Another item of original equipment, which initially might have the purists shuddering, is the power steering. On a sports car! However, MG have got it right with a very tricky electrically driven unit which gives maximum power assist at parking speed and maximum feel (read minimum assist) at high speed.

And talking about speed, what was the MGF like to drive? Let me assure you it is very difficult to imagine having more fun while sitting down. Over the years, MG has used the slogan "Safety Fast" and the MGF really does continue in that tradition. With the mid-engined configuration the car is quite simply a delight to throw around. Power on understeer with power off oversteer. Enter the corner too fast and just a gentle lift of the foot will bring the tail around and bring the car back into line. Brakes were spot on too, with the four wheel discs pulling the car down from maximum "kays" without fuss. Really, a most "drivable" package.

To prove the competitive nature of the car, and with the full backing of the distributor I must hurriedly add, we entered the MGF in the Ferrari Sprints at the Bira Circuit last weekend. To say the MGF stood out like dog’s cojones was putting it mildly. Firstly it was in classic British Racing Green (BRG) and 99.9% of the Ferrari’s were red. Secondly, it was the only four cylinder car there. Thirdly, and more importantly, it set quicker times than all but two of the Ferrari’s entered on the day - and that included 48 million baht’s worth of Testa Rossa. So there, Enzo!

Now I am not going to say that this success was all the MGF’s, but neither am I going to say that it was ALL the skill of the driver either. To get quickly from A to B depends upon the combination of car and driver. Put the best driver in the worst car and he’ll come last! No matter how "clever" the driver, he or she (are you reading this, Pauline?) has to have good machinery. And good machinery is what MG is offering you in the MGF. It would be very difficult to imagine falling off the road in one of these.

To sum up - the MGF is a classic sport’s car for today’s fun loving drivers. Current stock retails around 1.8 M Baht, so the dig isn’t too deep!
(Test car supplied by the Thai Ultimate Car Co., Ltd., Bangkok.)

Autotrivia Quiz

There were a few disbelievers after last week’s quiz question regarding motor cars with 4 reverse gears. It was not a case of conical pulleys, Phillip McDonald, it was a case stuffed full of ratios! Manufactured by Maybach, the 8 forwards and 4 reverses option was available from 1931 to 1939. This box (the "doppelschnellgang") was also an option on the 1932 Lagonda 3 litre.

Now to this week’s quiz offering, and this one is really a very trick question, so you have been warned! Since we have made MG a feature this week - when was the MG-B first produced? Think very hard, Tiger!

Copyright 1998 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand 
Tel.66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax:66-38 427 596; e-mail: [email protected]
Created by Andy Gombaez, assisted by Chinnaporn Sangwanlek.