What’s in the left luggage department?

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Dear Hillary,

Don’t you get sick of all the dipsticks writing in with their hopeless situations?  They bring it all on themselves.  I believe there’s still a couple of unclaimed brains at the Suvarnabhumi left luggage counter.  Is this true?

George

Dear George,

I’m a little confused about this “dipstick” thing.  My garage tells me that my engine has one, so why would my engine be writing to me?  Sorry, but that’s all Greek engineering to me.  However, you are completely correct about the Suvarnabhumi left luggage department.  At the last count there were 746 unclaimed brains, plus 1034 transferred over from the old Don Muang airport after its closure.  I have not enquired recently about Phuket, but I am told by a usually reliable source that there are 46 German ones and 64 Australian ones being held in Phuket, waiting for their owners.