Waiting for puberty

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Dear Hillary,

I am sure that you must make up some of the letters in your column because surely people are not that silly. What I want to know is just how do you dream up the subject matter? Do you study other agony aunt columns or what? Do you get your inspiration from real life? Tell me and I promise not to tell a single solitary soul.

The Enquirer

Dear Enquirer,

Are you suggesting Hillary makes up this drivel? Sorry, Poppet, Hillary couldn’t possibly make up letters as silly as yours. So you think people aren’t that silly – well think again – you are one of them, my little turtle dove. Don’t take this too hard, but when you have passed puberty you must write to me again.