The Pensioner’s lament


Dear Hillary,

I came to Thailand to retire.  I’d been here a few times while I was working, dreaming all the time of when I could come here and settle down.  I’ve been a widower for many years and it was always nice to have the company of these young girls on the holidays too.  The big decision came last year when I got my nest egg and over I came.  It hasn’t worked out the way I thought, Hillary.  The first thing is I’m bored.  There’s not much to do here if you are a UK pensioner and don’t play golf.  There’s nobody to talk to if you’re not prepared to sit outside the 7-Eleven and drink beer at 10 in the morning, and the lovely girls know so little English that they are not the good company they used to be.  I know you can’t do anything about this situation for me, I just want to warn other older chaps to think very deeply before making the move.  I’ll be going back as soon as I sell the condominium, but that doesn’t look like being soon either.  It is always the time for someone to buy one, but never the time to sell one, I have found.


Dear Alfred,

I am sorry, Petal to hear that your dream has not turned out so well for you, but you have to think a little on what you would be doing back home in the UK as a retired pensioner.  Sitting on a park bench, huddled up in a warm coat, and waiting till the pub opens.  Female company?  There isn’t anything other than a ‘Grab a Granny’ night at the local town hall.  It’s not so bad here, when you think about it.  And don’t forget the weather here and the weather over there.  You are expecting too much too soon, Petal.  There are plenty of clubs you can join here, like the Pattaya Sports Club (very strong in charity work) or the Pattaya City Expats Club for another one, and they have all sorts of special interest groups like bridge games, photography, inexpensive dining, charity work with needy children and fishing, and more.  Once you are involved in some community projects you will also find you can meet nice Thai ladies who do speak your language as well.  And you never know, you might even find you like golf!

  • Alfred, Pull you condo off the market,Lock up and head home for a month or two.I think you may change your mind about Thailand.
    Hillary came up with “Grab a Granny” its not as silly as she intended.
    I am in my 70’s and did grab a Thai Granny She was an ex Bar Girl and we have been togeather over 9 years.We have our up’s and down’s but get on ok.
    You dived in at the deep end too soon but that can be straightened out.
    You need not sit outsid 7/11 with the Loosers.
    Read a Book and now and then go to a quiet Bar You will find someone will talk to you.
    Give the young girls a miss ( It will cost you.)
    Find that older woman and travel around the Country.Visit her Village you will be amazed with what you find.
    Togeather with what Hillary came up with you will soon get over your Home Sickness.
    Good luck. Bryan.

  • Marc

    Alfred…the reality for you is the holiday is over and you don’t like what you see around you with the same boring nonsense from old farts. Keep the condo rent it out with the long term view of selling. Stay here October to end of March make it a holiday again but get home.

  • Robert

    Alfred, Don’t go back at all, you will catch the flu and die. When it comes to sexual interest do not look for young, or even beautiful. Look for intelligence and kindness. You won’t find that in UK either.