Spelling’s not in the curriculum?

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Dear Hillary,

I am a 14 year old boy at one of the schools and I am not sure if I have a problem.  Every moning (sic) I have been waking up with a kinda stiffness down below and since I cut my foot a week ago and did not go to hospittal (sic) I am afraid this could be tetnus (sic).  How can I tell?  I begun to ask one of the boys in my class but he laughed at me so I didn’t tell him about the whole story about the tetnus (sic) problem.  What should I do?  Is it dangerus (sic)?

Worried William

Dear Worried Willy,

You certainly do have a problem, but that stiffness you are describing does not sound like tetanus to me, my Petal.  I think you should have a chat to your father about this, or an elder brother if you have one.  Just be aware that this is a normal part of growing up, like your voice going deeper and is just caused by natural hormonal changes.  You’ll be looking for it later I can assure you!  Meanwhile take a cold shower in the mornings and you will be able to fit into your school shorts.  I would also suggest you stay back for extra English classes.  Your spelling is abysmal (look it up, darling)!  That’s your biggest problem.