Sleeping Beauty won’t wake up

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Dear Hillary,

I have a problem with my new Thai GF.  She doesn’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, but I have to start work at 8 a.m. and I expect her to cook me breakfast, but nothing but snores for me in the mornings.  Night time is a different matter, she’s all raring to go, and 2 or 3 in the morning is nothing for her, while I am starting to flag.  Out of the nightclub and let’s find a noodle stall.  I really can’t put up with this time difference much more.  What should I do?

Will the Worker

Dear Will the Worker,

That’s quite a problem you have, my Petal, but not impossible to be gotten over.  It is my understanding that you are the person with a job – she does not.  You are the one keeping your little sleeping beauty in clothes and noodles.  She can’t even cook you breakfast to keep you going night and day.  You are being used, Will the Worker.  Any good and lasting partnership has two sides, yours is one-sided.  Time for you to be strong and tell her she gets up with you and goes to bed with you, and looks after you as wives are supposed to do (just as husbands look after wives).  After all, McDonalds make breakfasts and you don’t have to buy the cashier a new dress.