I have had the secret police monitor the Pattaya Mail offices for the past week to report back to me when you come in or out of the building. So far they have recorded 195 women, which means that 194 of the reports were not you. Please wear something bright so that we can identify you.
Jack and the Boys
Hello there Jack and the Boys,
Sorry to disappoint you, my Purple Petunia Petals but I was out of town all last week, so of course I was not even any one of your 195. With modern communications such as they are, I send all my replies in by carrier pigeon. Please do not shoot the pigeon down, they are getting quite expensive and take some time in training.