She who cheats me once …

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Dear Hillary,

A good mate is in trouble with his wife of many years (about 10 I think).  Turns out she has been having it off with some guy on the side for a few months, but it all came out a couple of months ago.  She promised him it was all over and she would finish it.  He accepted this and began to trust her again, he says.  But now he finds she is still in contact with the guy on facebook and the guy’s message book has sexy photographs of her and him.  He is shattered this time and just doesn’t know what to do any more.  She says she has blocked the guy’s messages now, but he thought she had done that last time when she said it was all over and she wanted the marriage to continue.  No kids involved but he still loves her but cannot trust her any more.  He’s asked me to get some opinions, so what’s yours Hillary?

George

Dear George,

I really feel for your friend, that is an awful position to be in.  He must have forgiven her before after the first time, so I can understand that he feels he has been kicked in the teeth again.  I am reminded of the Indian proverb which went “He who cheats me once, shame on him – he who cheats me twice, shame on me.”  My advice is that the two of them should have some frank and honest discussions between them, and try and clear up some of the problem areas.  You (and I) are only getting one side of this story, so there may be much more under the surface.  Honesty has obviously not been very strong in their marriage, which also makes people lack trust, once the lies come out.  What do I think?  If she swears to tell the truth from now on and does so, the marriage has a chance of recovery, but any more lies and it will collapse.