Dear Hillary,

My letter is a little bit different from all the usual no-hopers who write in to you. I’m a happy, single man, well off, get my pick of the ladies, so why am I writing to you? My only problem is that after a couple of nights, the ladies all want to move in with me. Some of them bring over not just a change of clothes, but a whole wardrobe full. I have no intention of settling down – and why should I? Like I say, I get my pick, so why spoil it. You must have heard the saying ‘why buy a book when you can join a library?’


Dear Pete,

How lucky are you? You get to wake up with the most adorable man in the world, in your opinion – yourself. Time to change your name to Narcissus, though I would suggest you take all the mirrors down in your bathroom, or you might find yourself falling in love just like the long departed Narcissus did. Poor Narcissus saw his reflection and fell in love with it, and could not be away from it, and pined to death looking into the reflection in the pool. Meanwhile the nymph Echo who fell in love with Narcissus also pined away, just like your ‘lucky’ ladies who try and leave their clothes in your wardrobe. It is not often I can indulge myself in a little romancing, but Pete, you may think you are God’s gift to women, but you’re not. You’re nothing new, you’re just another meal ticket, Petal.

  • le chef

    you must have a better TV than they have

  • Robert

    You know, yesterday at the grocery store I got my pick of loaves of bread. Then, flushed with my success, did the same with onions, potatoes and a liter of milk. So Petey, the story is you can get what you buy of the quality and quantity you like. But you should find you look pretty stupid talking to others about it.

  • Chris

    Stop paying and see how quick they disappear! Don’t fool yourself it is your wallet not your supposed good looks they are after.