Lost girl in Soi 8. Please return to sender?

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Dear Hillary,

My problem just keeps on getting worse and worse.  I meet a girl in a bar called Lek last year who looked after me real good when I was over for my holidays in December, but I can’t get any reply to my letters, and I’ve sent heaps of them.  I am sure Lek would reply as we got on terrific.  I sent one letter a week for the first couple of months, but since I didn’t get any reply I only send one a month now.  The bar is in Soi 8 about half way up on the right hand side and they have red neon lights inside.  Lek said she would write back to me, but I don’t have her email either, so I sent letters to the address of the bar (sorry I haven’t got the name of it).  If you could put an advert in your paper, I’m sure she would reply.  Can you help me find my girl?

Eric

Dear Eric,

Are you pulling my leg, Petal?  You don’t even know the name of the bar your wonderful Lek works in, so you’ve been writing letters to what address for the past eight months?  How can this poor Lek girl write back to you after you write letters to “Half way up on the right hand side, Soi 8”?  Even if your letter gets delivered to any bar in Soi 8, all that will happen is a quick check to see if it has any money inside it and then it will be filed in the rubbish bin.

Now what kind of advert are you suggesting you want me to place on your behalf?  In the Lost and Found category perhaps?  Something like “Girl called Lek lost half way up Soi 8.  Please return to Eric.”  That should get an instant response, especially if you offer a few thousand baht reward as well.  There will be a line-up of Lek’s by 2.30 p.m. on Saturday afternoon.  Some days I just don’t believe my in-tray!

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