Look what I found in my bed!

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Dear Hillary;

My neighbor lady brought me a girl from up country to stay with me and ‘take care’ of me.  The girl was lovely but would not speak to me in Thai or English.  She was pretty smart and able to do things around the house with ease.  Her aunt moved her into my bedroom but there was no amore to be found with the youngster.  She seemed to be only interested in her cellphone, Thai TV and movie magazines.  After a week the girl stopped making food and went back to the spare bedroom and locked herself in; this was the last straw for me and I asked her aunt to take her back.  How can I get a directions manual on how to operate such girls?  I tried flowers, clothing, shopping, food, chocolate, etc (no alcohol) to no avail.  They do say ‘candy is dandy but liquor is quicker’.  I shall try this other method next time. Singhajerry

Dear Singhajerry,

My Petal, just what did you think was going to happen in this arrangement?  A lovely young girl from up country is brought down here, obviously against her will, by an “aunt” who undoubtedly was on a percentage of the young girl’s earnings.  You expected this young flower would cook, clean, organize, play hostess, do the banking, keep you company day and night, and be cheery every morning as she served you breakfast in bed.  Just what rock have you been hiding under, Petal?  That kind of “arrangement” does not exist in real life, so there is no SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) manual for fairy tales.  However, I am so pleased to see that there are still some MCP’s (Male Chauvinist Pigs) alive and kicking, as I thought they were swept away with the purges in the 1970’s.  Come on, Jerry.  Come back to the ‘real’ world!