Knowing too much

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Dear Hillary,

I have been to Thailand 6 times, but unfortunately on my last visit, I actually got a “knock back” from a bar girl. As I have been so many times, and have a lot of Thai friends, I have picked up quite a bit of the Thai language. The reason for my “KB” was that I was a farang who spoke, not Thai very well, but Thai too much. Although my ego was shattered for all of twenty seconds, I pulled myself together and continued to enjoy my night out, and the rest of my stay. I have my next visit planned for Xmas/New Year, and you are very welcome to join me and my friends for an evening out, with guaranteed Champagne and unlimited chocolate. I love to read the Pattaya Mail from here in the UK, and maybe if you decide to accept my invitation, you could go to the bar in question, and politely tell the pretty young lady that she made a big mistake. I have a very good heart, but life is full of ups and downs.

Rocker and knocker

Dear Rocker and knocker,

Ooooh what a lovely man you are. Champagne and unlimited chocolates! What a shame it wasn’t chocolates and unlimited Champagne (French, vintage, of course) and I would have come immediately, my precious Petal. However, since you have been here 6 times already, you will no doubt realize that the chances of the pretty young lady still being in that particular bar are not high. Come to think of it, the chances of the ‘bar’ still being there are probably not all that good either. Just remember that there are plenty of other pebbles on the beach, and Hillary is sure you will have another wonderful time this year too. Keep learning Thai – as you have already found out, you can be surprised at what you can pick up – or how you can be dropped.