How much for a guide?

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Dear Hillary,

I am planning on coming over for two weeks after Xmas. As I will be on my own, I’d like to find some company to share my exploration of Pattaya and down as far as Rayong. Mates who have been to Pattaya before tell me it is easy to get a good-looking guide who knows the areas. It all sounds a little too good to be true. Is it really that simple? Do you just go into a bar and say, “Anyone like a trip to Rayong? All expenses paid.” And what do you do if you find you don’t like her?

Uncertain

Dear Uncertain,

Your mates did very little to prepare yourself for the adventure of a lifetime. But why Rayong, Petal? Now in response to your queries, yes there are 10,194 willing guides, so there are plenty for you to choose from. To make sure you get along together, you spend a few nights at the bars and you will find someone who floats your boat and might be the guide of the year. You have a word with the mamasan who will advise you on fees and can assist you with what is expected in looking after the guide. Be sure to choose one who speaks enough English, and I am sure you will have a wonderful time.