Heart to Heart – Friday October 19, 2018 – October 25, 2018

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Man from the wood yard

Dear Hillary,

I’ve been with this girl for about three months and it was a no-hassle relationship. Now here’s my question, this is the first Thai I have had anything to do with, so this may be usual practice – I just don’t know. I give her money any time she asks, usually about 20-30K, but now she wants to share my bank account with her. As well, all her friends seem unable to hold their alcohol and every time she goes out with them, she comes back legless. Having a good time with friends is all she will say. I really don’t want to let her use my bank book, and the nights out with friends is now about 5 times a week.

Horace

Dear Horace,

Are you in the woodworking business? You are as thick as two short planks. You are being used, my Petal, and it has taken you three months to realize this? Show her the door, change the locks and padlock the wardrobe. Of course, if you want to know what being broke is like, just carry on as you are. When the joint bank account is empty, she will go anyway.

 

How do I have my cake and eat it too

Dear Hillary,

I have a high salary position here as the overseas representative, for a well known British company. I have met up with an absolutely gorgeous woman here and she, at my suggestion, has moved in. As I already have a wife in the UK (she didn’t want to come to Thailand), so I only see her for a couple of weeks twice a year. My superior in the company is coming over next month and I will have to entertain he and his wife and here’s my problem. My lady enjoys eating off the floor on food that is so hot it is nuclear. She dresses rather provocatively, as do most Thai women, in my opinion. Neither of these two things would be acceptable for these upper class English folks. I haven’t told my lady as I am afraid she will get angry (she does have a strong temper at times). What do suggest is the best way round this problem?

James

Dear James,

I say old chap, you have got yourself into a bit of bother, haven’t you. Got yourself a little popsicle from Isaan, and you have been able to gloss over her lack of table manners so far, while joining her in a few bottles of that dreadful local whisky and coke. And I expect that a few of her friends drop by after midnight when the bar is closed. What you are really asking me, is how do you quietly get Khun Popsicle to leave? Quite easily, my Petal, but it will cost you money, but I am sure that your high salary will cover it. Be up front and tell her that big important people are coming over and because you have a wife in the UK, and Popsicle will have to move out. Tell her three months and you will give her 50,000 baht a month, but she is not to leave anything behind that your superior’s wife will know belongs to a woman. Be prepared to haggle over the amount of the monthly salary, but she will go weak at the knees if it gets to B. 100,000. After they have returned to the UK you can look at rehiring K. Popsicle, or look at getting an Mk 2 model. With so much cash to splash around, you won’t be lonely for long.

 

Hillary’s assistant

Dear Hillary,

I read in your column it’s always the newbie or nearly newbies who get themselves in emotional / financial trouble. Us old timers are pretty well set, if we don’t know by now there is no helping us, nor are we seeking help. But not to invade on your turf – if I could be of any assistance please contact me.

Take Care,

Jester

Dear Jester,

Aren’t you the kindest chap, with an offer of being Hillary’s little helper. It is nice to know there are settled “old timers” as you called yourself, ready, willing and able to step in at a moment’s notice. However, Petal, I think the readers out there are looking for the Thai female psyche, as they don’t understand what their long term partner of two days is thinking. I would also be somewhat embarrassed if you went out on some sort of vigilante exercise, I don’t think the editor would like that. Then there is another problem, and it’s not your salary as Hillary’s assistant, because there isn’t any, it’s where are we going to put you? The editorial desk is not very large, and just fits into my attic with me. If I have a good meal at lunchtime, I can’t get in until after three in the afternoon! In the days when we used to get real paper letters I had to open the envelopes outside as there wasn’t enough room to swing the proverbial cat. They won’t hold the paper knife securely either, and I could be injured. Not that I have anything against cats, you must know.