Fishing for trout


Dear Hillary,

I was a bit miffed by that letter from Angela in your column a couple of weeks ago; she’ll be old herself one day, like you are now.  No gentleman, foreign or otherwise, wants to be seen out with an old trout.  But the Rupert Murdoch-lookalike ones who are seen in Pattaya with arm candy on their arms, are probably paying a very high maintenance price for the privilege of this young female company; who really would much rather be seen with Thai guys nearer their own age if their funds permitted it.  I’m not a rich farang so I just have to look enviously at those old duffers who are trying to relive their youth 50 years too late.  Don’t you fancy a nice Thai toy boy yourself Hill’ (sic)?  Now that you’re well and truly over the hill and in full cougar mode?  You’re never too old to fancy a bit of young stuff whose back doesn’t seize up every time he or she bends down to tie a shoe lace.  He might like Champers and chocs, and you’d be buying them for him instead of being on the cadge all the time as you are now with ever diminishing returns.

George Burns lookalike

Now then, George Burns lookalike,

I didn’t know George was green.  You certainly are – green with envy.  So you’re not a rich farang, and apparently would rather point fingers at others who are enjoying life, rather than doing something about it yourself.  So what is wrong with elderly gentlemen paying for the company of younger women?  As I have already pointed out, this is a win-win situation, and one in which either partner can opt out if wanted.  You say they are “trying to relive their youth 50 years too late”, but it doesn’t sound as if they are “50 years too late”, does it?  They are enjoying the “now” years, whatever they may be.  You should try putting on a happy face from time to time, instead of your green one.  You might even find someone who likes the George Burns type and into cigars.  Now, as far as Hillary is concerned, you should also try to understand that ladies do not buy their own champagne (French, vintage please) but are wined and dined by people who are true ‘gentlemen’ and not envious old codgers like you.  And by the way, I am not Hill’, nor am I over the hill, thank you.

  • George Burns Jnr

    Dear Hillary,

    well parried there, you’ve put that old, green-faced, codger right back in his place. He’s the type that tries putting out fires with kerosene (David Bowie song.) Incidentakky sweetheart, is your column shrinking? It seems to be getting visibly shorter; are they giving you less to do because of your age dear?