English emails

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Dear Hillary,

One of my workmates and I came to Thailand for two weeks over Xmas.  We did what two young blokes do and enjoyed ourselves with the ladies.  Unfortunately my mate fell for a girl from the second bar we drank at.  She could hardly speak any English at all, but now my mate has received an email from her saying that her mother is ill and she writes, “Darling!  Will it be alright if I ask you for more money?  I am reluctant to tell you about this, but you are very generous and gentle, I have no one to help at this time.”

That just doesn’t seem to be from the same girl whose English was limited to “I lub you, Darling.”  Or “One more beer?”  Do they have writers in the bars or has she managed to learn English in four weeks?  I don’t really think that is possible, do you?  I am trying to show my mate that he is being taken for a ride.  He gave her heaps of money in the two weeks, and now she wants more.  Tell him he is being a sucker, Hillary.

George

Dear George,

Yes, this was not written by her, and yes, they do have writers who will send the email, and do it for a slice of the money that comes in from the begging letter.  Get hold of a book called The Scribe, where this is described.  There is also a book called Handbook of English Love Letters, 20 years old now, but most bars have a dog-eared copy somewhere, and I think you will find that the letter your friend received comes exactly from there. Your friend should grow up, George and see the difference between infatuation and true love.  Yes, he is being taken for a ride, but whether you can convince him of this is another matter altogether.

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