Dark Missives


Dear Hillary… you’ve noted in the past that my missives are rather dark. I admit, thank you, that with a proviso, I believe that after 47 years in the kingdom, that I may have actually ‘seen it all’. It has been my observation that a vast majority of farang who come to Thailand as retirees are functionally broken personalities. A woman who’s been whored, for any length of time, suffers deep psychlogical trauma. That’s why so many become drug and alcohol dependent. A man who comes to troll the bars of Pattaya for companionship is on that stool because his own personality is irrevocably broken and likely is considered a misfit in his home country. She is ‘the walking wounded’. People who have been victimized almost always become victimizers…it’s a sad fact. When you put two broken personalities together you shouldn’t be surprised that the marital pot leaks like a sieve. My advice to your readers is to admit their failures and find entertainment value in the chaos which will naturally ensue from such relationships. But guys… never give a whore your keys and credit cards … you might be broken…but do you have to be stupid? Thinking that your whore will change for you is just crazy. Like Einstien (sic) said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result”. Year after year Hillary trots out the tales of punters woe and remorse…and you think it won’t happen to you… insane.

J West

Dear J West,

Are you related to the Ford styling man J Mays by any chance? He was only ever known as J Mays but later it was found that the “J” didn’t stand for anything. It was just a “J”. But I digress. I read your letter several times, J, my Petal, and I get the feeling that your advice (if I can call it that) stems from bitter experience. 47 years in the kingdom is certainly long enough to occupy several bar stools. I agree with the wise words of Albert Einstein, but he was not applying them to human relationships, a situation which is very complex (and if you are going to use the man’s name as justification, at least spell it correctly). You also make claims that bar girls are ‘walking wounded’ and victimized people become victimizers. What book did you get that from? You do use generalizations a little too much, but Thailand does have more than a few generals, I will admit. Certainly we see the same situations recurring, but it isn’t the same people bobbing up each year, so stay on your bar stools but choose several different ones each week.

  • Chris

    Money grubbing lazy prostitute meets sad lonely beer swilling old man…………….Hardly the perfect ingredients for a “happy ever after” ending

  • Fred Flintstone

    And then there are Freud’s sexual misadventures. I agree that both the farang and their prostitute are broken creatures. I have seen it two times in neighbors in a single condo building. The ladies are fine for five to ten years and then go bonkers while being in relationships or marriages with their husband. Sometimes all it takes is a new “set of friends” for the old habits to return to the bar girl leaving the husband to watch the child the girl had with someone else. One of these people was an erratic German drunk who deserved it and the second was a Canadian who had been a supportive partner for ten years. Life, relationships and “love” are difficult no matter where you are in the world and no matter what you bring yourself with you regardless.

  • J West Hardin

    ‘J’ as you have discovered….often stands for nothing.

  • J West Hardin

    Btw….Hillary….there are too many links ( academic journals and pop psychology rags) to list for me just to prove a point on the subject of victim/victimizer psychology. Google any configuration of these words to find this topic is well covered in medical journals. I have published many articles in travel mags over the years on my own unscientific observations on the subject of streetwalkers worldwide.

    The term ‘walking wounded’ is generically applied to abused persons of all stripes…including prostitutes. It describes the prostitute raped by an uncle and has her self image shattered by confusion, loneliness and guilt..and goes on to allow herself to be abused by drunken farang because ‘she’s no good for anything else’….in her own mind….or the woman beater man who watched his father get drunk and punch his mother bloody…and so can only associate for short times with anonymous prostitues because his sexual urges clash with the images of his mother lying on the floor.

    These images are constantly reinacted in the mind by the victim in a variety of ways. Alcoholics , abuse victims have something in common…they always return to ‘the scene of the crime’ in an attempt to rectify or justify the anger and humiliation through reenactment. Psychologists call these mental and physical emotions and cicumstances. ‘triggers’. Some victims loop endlessly while others seek help. I maintain that prostitues are victims whether by economic circumstance or early abuse) and are not willing participants. Talk to enough and you’ll always find that common denominator.

    This ‘spell check edit police’ thing though….rarely used by myself unless in formal edit…Einstein will just have to suffer along with the rest. My funniest experiance with my smart phone algorithm to date was have my on line search for ‘room preference’ changed to ‘sexual preference’. I’m glad I caught it before submitting ‘send’….I wouldn’t have wanted to arrive to find a goat or camel in my bed. It’s not something my wife and I look for in a hotel.