The dangers in bus travel

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Dear Hillary,

As a Thai woman, please tell me why Thai women are so tactile? When I was on a long distance bus, a Thai lady rubbed my hairy arm. Another time a Thai lady rubbed my aquiline nose. Yet another time while sitting at a bar, a Thai lady rubbed her leg against my thigh while saying, “Pay bar,” even though I had already paid for my drinks. Is social distance a non-Thai concept?

T. Feeley

Dear Feeley T,

There’s nothing more sexy than a hairy arm or an aquiline nose and an invitation to fill the cash register at the local bar. I think you should not travel by bus ever again, or you may find yourself crammed into the smelly toilet by a lady with an arm fetish. Likewise, get off the bar stool and go to another den of iniquity where you might not get asked to pay someone else’s bar bill, but with your gorilla arms and aquiline nosey Parker, it is going to be a tough time ahead. Is it correct that you called your daughter Ophelia?