Thursday, 14 November 2013 10:57

Dating a “Pretty”

Dear Hillary,

When you go to any function here in Thailand, there are always some fabulously pretty girls as hostesses or promotions girls.  How do you get to know these girls?  Can you just bowl over and chat them up, or what?  I’d love to be seen with one of these on my arm.  They’re almost too delicious to be true.  My mates at home wouldn’t believe it if I could get a piccy with one or two of them.


Dear Kendall,

Yes, they are very pretty, and they are chosen for the position because of their looks.  To look as immaculate as they do, most of them will spend a couple of hours before the function on make-up and hair styling.  (Not like me, I can bolt out of the dormitory in under three minutes, but then I’m not a “pretty” am I?)  You see, these girls are employed to be hostesses and promotions girls.  That means they are paid.  It’s their looks that they are selling.  That is their job, and they have to do it well, or they don’t get another gig.  So now you know how you end up with one or more of these “pretties” on your arm - you pay for the privilege, Petal, and you may even find that most of them don’t speak English.  They are there for their looks, not for language skills.  There are more photo opportunities on Walking Street, Loi Kroh, Nana or Cowboy.  And the girls from Walking Street, Loi Kroh, Nana or Cowboy can at least speak English, such as “Hello sexy man!” if nothing else.  That’s on top of “Welcome” and “Sit down please.”  Amazing linguists some of them.

Wednesday, 06 November 2013 16:25

Salaries again

Dear Hillary,

Regards the chap Brian who pays his GF a 30,000 baht salary each month - Brian your first step should be to cut your GF salary by a lot and ask her to get a decent job.  Two months ago I did the same just gave 6000 baht.  Now I cut it to nothing.  She is now forced to work at the farm for 200 baht a day to survive.  Maybe now she appreciates the money better again, or might turn up working in a bar.  Whatever I fed up with this prima donnas.


Dear Vern,

I think you have to rethink what you want out of a GF.  If it is someone to share your life with, that is a lot different from someone you just share your bed with.  You do not seem to have much affection for your GF, so I think it is better for both you and her to go your separate ways.  You have to learn about commitment first, and you haven’t any.

Wednesday, 06 November 2013 16:23

Cost of Living

One respondent asked last week about the cost of living in Pattaya, and this brought out many replies from the readers.  Mark wrote, Welcome to Pattaya.  I live over the “Dark side”, this is where most long timers live.  You will get a two bed bungalow for around 15,000 per month, water, electric, call it 3000 and 2000 day/night walking around money.  Why not have a look in the “Luckytimebar” on Soi Nernplabwan, good people, they may be able to help, good luck.

Phoenix wrote, I agree with Ms. Hillary’s opinion.  For a decent life, including restaurants, venues, cigarettes, funny (but not too much), if you own the condo, month expense can be around 50/60,000 baht. Of course it depends what you want to do, can be much more.

Don chipped in with, Bah! and more Bah! I have a live in, reside in a high rise condo, am not dumb enough to pay outrageous wine prices (400 % tax), eat in good, clean, reasonably priced restaurants, and home a lot, use common sense in shopping and have change left over from 50,000 a month.  The good Doctor and Hilarious have expensive tastes!

While jcb said, 100,000 can live nicely for much less than that!  However, if you are a ponce and want to show off and do unnecessary things then maybe you need more.  10K per month for a room and no more than 1K each month for food and a couple of beers.  What else do you want?

Dear Mark, Phoenix, Don and jcb,

Thank you for your ideas and experience.  Of course Thai people can live very much more cheaply than you Farangs, but how much you spend really does depend on your own idea of lifestyle.  I might have expensive tastes (Veuve Clicquot is just getting outrageously expensive these days!) but if you are happy with a 50K lifestyle, then keep going with the Chang outside the 7-11.  As long as you are all happy, my Petals!

Wednesday, 06 November 2013 16:23

Chasing a dream?

Dear Hillary,

I don’t believe the bar girls are anymore “out for what they can get” than the fellows pursuing them.  They have a job, often entertaining foreign undesirables, do it well and deserve what they earn.  The percentage of “baddies” is quite low!


Dear Jonny,

I agree with you, Petal.  As I have written in this column for many years, the ladies from the bars are doing a job, bringing in millions of tourist dollars, and as you point out, “entertaining foreign undesirables.”  However, let us not forget that their “occupation” is still against the law.  Not a well-policed law, but it is there in the statutes, nevertheless.  I do receive reports of successful marriages between bar girls and foreigners, but I also get a greater number of sad letters from disillusioned men.

Wednesday, 06 November 2013 16:19

Gender benders

Dear Hillary,

There are lots of theories, but may I ask the thorny question, ‘Are you actually a lady of the female gender?’  Your approach in your column seems very masculine to me; why don’t you publish a visual image inside your ‘heart’ at the top of your column, unless you look like Claire Raynor or Marge Proops? Are you going to give me a literary lashing for my cheek, wearing only thigh-length boots, a thong and nipple tassles (sic), like Madame Whiplash?  Ooh, I hope so.

Submissively yours,

John Thomas.

Dear Submissive John Thomas,

May I ask the thorny question, ‘Do you really have a John Thomas?’  What have I done to engender doubts on my gender?  Your approach seems very British to me, being so disrespectful to my sisters in The Sun and The Daily Mirror, such newspapers known for their consistent high standards.  Or should I say, standards.  And who are you referring to in the thigh-length boots?  You or me?  By the way, before you get too excited with your verbal imagery, it’s ‘tassel’, not ‘tassle’, Petal.  However, don’t worry, I will publish my photograph the day you get photos of your John Thomas published in these pages.  I expect a magnifying glass will be in order?

Wednesday, 30 October 2013 17:54

How much for the Mia Chow?

Dear Hillary,

(Regarding Singha Jerry’s letter supporting ‘Mia Chow’ “salaries”)  Let’s not be too hard on Jerry, he has not been here long enough, let him spend every night in Walking Street and thereabouts, and why not.  Jerry is a happy guy and I’m sure after a few years he will wake up and understand.  I hope he does, if he doesn’t, then maybe we will be reading Jerry’s letters again.

Thai Mark

Dear Thai Mark,

I am glad to hear that Jerry is a happy guy, because, like you I don’t think he will be a happy guy forever.  “Salaries” are paid to servants.  Wives are not servants.  However, I am glad to see that male chauvinism hasn’t died out, and Jerry appears to be the ring leader in Pattaya.  I look forward to meeting him.

Wednesday, 30 October 2013 17:52

Marrying for money

Dear Hillary,

Some of the forums round town are cracking on about Thai women wanting to marry foreigners because they are “rich”.  Sure, the average foreigner who lives in Thailand has more money than the average worker in Thailand, but there are lots who make less than the upper level Thais do.  They also forget that it is natural for men to fall for a Thai lady, because that’s who there is to choose from in this country.  So is there anything wrong with a foreigner falling in love with a Thai lady and vice versa?  I know of plenty of couples and the foreigner is just a pensioner and they don’t have much money at all, but have a good marriage.  The only reason that foreigners get burned is when they put themselves in the position of choosing from the bar girls, who are there to make money, they aren’t looking for love.  There should be no confusion.  You’ve told them often enough Hillary.


Dear Johnno,

Yes I have told them, my Petal, but every year there comes a fresh batch of starry eyed foreigners ready to buy the gold and then the house, the land, the medical bills for father, the motorcycle for the brother and veterinary bills for the buffalo.  But you can help try and get them to see that a one week liaison is not the foundation for a good long marriage!  Unless, of course, the groom has very deep pockets which can last until he shuffles off, leaving everything to his bride (and her family).

Wednesday, 30 October 2013 17:50

A professional peeping Tom

Dear Hillary,

Further to my correspondence of some time ago regarding the lady in the next house who flaunts her body nightly - well, you have inadvertently disclosed something about yourself in making a “Freudian slip”.  By claiming Freud was a friend of yours you most certainly must be a very ancient crone, as the man cashed in his mortal coil in 1939, that is 74 years ago to save you consulting your abacus.  Or was this claim of friendship untrue, and you were merely seeking fame by association?  Nothing is documented in his memoirs that he knew of your existence, but you are certainly of great age to even allege you were of his acquaintance!  It is a great pity wisdom did not accompany your ageing process.  Now, what would Freud have made of you?  The mind boggles.  As Freud once profoundly said in his book titled “Agony Aunts Are Always Abysmal” (it was awarded 5A ratings in the best sellers list), “There’s many a slip between hand and hip.”

And you have leapt to some unwarranted conclusions.  By inferring some time ago as to whether I still have my rocking horse is akin to asking a total stranger “When did you stop beating your wife?”  Of course I still have that memory of a very happy childhood, and his name is “Giddyup”.

But back to my original subject - the flaunting lady.  Circumstance has forced her to cease her shameless behavior of showering in full view of neighbors.  The other night, while performing her normal erotic ablutions, she unfortunately tripped over her Zimmer frame and sustained such injuries that she was whisked off to hospital on a stretcher.  I haven’t seen her since, so perhaps the medics are having difficulty in putting her back together.  However, knowing your penchant for such things, I do have photographs which I’ve saved especially for you to view.

Puritanical Pattaya Parishioner

Dear PPP,

You are indeed a very sick puppy.  Whatever gave you the idea that I would be in the slightest interested in photographs of someone being whisked off on a stretcher?  Or were you offering photographs of your rocking horse?  Once more you have made conclusions not based on sound facts.  There’s more than one Freud in this world, my peeping Petal.  At last count there were 84 in the Austrian phone books.  My friend Ziggy Freud (amateur psychologist) should not be confused with Sigmund Freud (professional psychologist and erstwhile author).  I am glad your next door neighbor has now left you in peace, so you don’t have to crane your neck attempting to look into her boudoir, and this closes the correspondence on this subject.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013 16:47

Playing around and that’s not golf!

Dear Hillary,

Have a big problem with the GF (Thai of course).  Playing around behind my back when I’m at work.  Not doing it for money because I give her enough each month (30K) and she generally has money left over.  I just can’t get my head around why she does it.  She says she’s happy with me and denies playing around, but my mates have seen her working out of a bar on Beach Road.  What’s my next step Hillary?


Dear Brian,

Too few details for me to be specific.  How long have you been together?  Did she come from a bar in the first place?  If your friends can find her so easily, why don’t you go to the bar on Beach Road and see for yourself?  Make sure, however, that she’s not just visiting friends if she came from that bar in the first place.  And it is all very well saying you give her 30K “salary”, but does she have enough to do while you are at work?  Start collecting facts, my Petal, and not rumors from your friends.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013 16:46

Roadside checkpoints

Dear Hillary,

A friend of mine got picked up by the police the other night in one of their roadside check points.  She had her helmet on, all the paper warfare for the bike and carrying no drugs thank you very much.  Fined 200 baht!  For what?  I am told this is a common occurrence.  Any ideas?

Jack and Jill

Dear Jack and Jill,

I wasn’t there, so I can’t really comment, can I?  It is a common occurrence I am told, but since I don’t ride motorcycles I have never had this problem.  I do ride a motorcycle taxi to get across Thepprasit Road as it is far too dangerous for me to cross over to the noodle shop from the office.  I liked the old office better as there was a noodle shop next door.

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