You have had a run of letters recently where the unsuspecting foreigners find out that their wives are having affairs, and then realize that they have been lied to for years. Now they don’t know where to turn to next. Are all Thai women like that? It would seem so. How do you see this, Hillary?
There are bad and good people all over the world. Being unfaithful is not something only Thai women are guilty of. Even the worst statistics which say that 60 percent of Thai women are unfaithful, that still means 40 percent are faithful. It is finding the 40 percent that is the hard part. Naturally if you look for that elusive 40 percent in the beer bars, you will be very lucky to find it. In fact, probably impossible. As I have said many times, Petal, you should not go looking for cheese in a stationary shop!
We are coming over your way again, after five years away from Thailand. We have kept up to date of the happenings in Pattaya by reading the Pattaya Mail on line, and we always read your column first, Petal! I feel that there must have been many new restaurants in that time, so I was wondering if you could recommend a few we should try? We (my husband and I) would be very happy to host a dinner for you during our month’s holiday. We like most styles of cuisine, but am a little wary of too much spice these days.
Ann and George
Dear Ann and George,
Aren’t you just the nicest people, remembering that Hillary might like the odd something substantial to eat between the Belgian chocolates and the French champagne! However, I am not the one to advise you of the best places, but Miss Terry Diner, is the one to speak to. Just click on the Dining Out column when you are reading the Pattaya Mail on line and you will get the latest review, but at the end of that one you will get all the reviews for the past few months. Take your time, make a list and enjoy!
Thanks for highlighting my plight Hillary; I’m now back in the UK. I can’t afford to live in Thailand legally (there are underhand ways of acquiring a retirement visa) now I’ve sunk my life savings in a very dubious investment. I’ll be stuck in health damaging England for another 3 years before I can practically afford to return to Jomtien. I didn’t have enough time or money to get useful legal help while I was there till the end of June; though one seemed very promising. I hope I live long enough to ‘return in triumph’ to Thailand in 2016.
Whilst everyone feels sorry for you, there were some legal steps that you should have done at the outset, but didn’t. “Caveat Emptor”! One of our regular readers also commented with: What you need to know is that if the condo is held in “company name” there is an annual corporate tax on your condo as well. You must make arrangements to pay the corporate tax from overseas as assessed by the Land Office. Sorry for more bad news friend, but always remember the old saying: “If it appears too good to be true.....it is.”
I read somewhere that the way you can tell if a Thai girl is lying is that you will see her lips are moving. That’s a real put-down of Thai ladies, isn’t it? I’ve only lived here for six months, and I don’t think they are that different from women anywhere. All, females think different from us. Is it really that bad, Hillary?
Males and females do have a different way of looking at things (the Mars and Venus approach). What foreign men consider to be a lie, Thai women may look upon this as normal. Thai women will also tell you what they think you want to hear, so it is kind of lying again, but with good intent! Is that a ‘real’ lie or a fib? Working out human relationships is very difficult, Petal. The breakdown of marital relationships is very high throughout the world, not just in Thailand either, so it isn’t just a local problem. However, I did read that 60 percent of Thai women admit to having affairs, but I have no figures to confirm any of this.
This is a serious question. Why are all Thai women addicted to sales? My Thai GF cannot walk past a shop which has a “sale” sign without going in and if it has a two for one deal she’s sold, even though we don’t need it or already have one (from the last sale). I have spoken to mates and they all say the same, so is it something that’s taught in Thai schools or what? Or is it the bowerbird complex that women have in general and Thai women have it in big degrees?
No, Petal, the addiction to sales is not taught in schools because it is already in the genetic make-up of all Thai women, so it is more like an inbuilt bowerbird complex as you say. All it needs to trigger the response is the smell of farang money. Like Pavlov’s dogs that would run when a bell was rung, Thai women run to the shops when shown a full wallet. The two for one deal shows just how she is being frugal and looking after your interests and money (so there is still some left for tomorrow’s sales). You should be thankful. By the way, get her to let me know when the next sale is on.
There are so many lovely girls in Thailand, how come all the people who write in to you seem to have picked a dud? Are all Thai girls as bad as they are painted by these guys or what? I get nervous about coming over for my next holiday when I read all the horror stories. Is there some easy way to pick a good one?
Dear Yankee Doodle,
Don’t worry, everything is Dandy! You are forgetting that there is a legion of lovely ladies out there who are doing all the right things by their men, be that a short term arrangement or a long term steady/married situation. These people do not need to ask Hillary for advice, so you are getting the wrong impression if you think everyone is like the sad people who write to me. Many of them do try and warn the tyros, but I believe their situations and their problems do not really represent the majority of farang/Thai liaisons. However, remember that in any man/woman relationship there can be problems. Look at the divorce rate in your own country, for example. The last figures I read were 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce and 60 percent of second marriages go down the alimony alley as well. The simple answer, Petal, is to use discretion and judgment before plunging headlong into something that could be an unsuitable partnership! Avoid all those who “lub you too mut” on the first date! There are others to choose from.
I do feel very sorry for your friend, George. I’m in a similar situation too. I was shocked when I discovered that my girlfriend, who I thought was faithful to me after going with me for nearly a year, had a boyfriend on the side for many months and I didn’t have a clue about it. I worked in a neighboring country and saw her every few weeks for a few days. In between she was seeing the other man, and although we were in contact a few times every day, she somehow could give me the impression that everything was fine. She could even fly to another country to meet that guy for a few days each time. It was so surreal. When I discovered it, she promised to cut off all contact with him, and to give her one more chance. But she never did. There were still some secret messages although she never met him again. But the trust was gone. Even recently I suspect although I cannot prove it, that they are still in contact. I’m still with her, but I cannot really trust her completely even now. I don’t know what to do either. This is a case of cheating me too many times, and it’s really shame on me. If I ever discover her indiscretion one more time, I will walk out. Definitely
You are not in a good situation, my Petal. You are going to have to work out whether you are continuing in this relationship because it means a lot to you, or whether it is just too much trouble to look for somebody new. Your relationship is not very long either at about a year, and the other chap was just a few months. It would seem to me that there is a financial aspect to all this, and you may be subsidizing the other fellow, or perhaps even the other way round. Who paid for the plane fares, for example? I would suggest extreme caution, Petal. I think you haven’t sat down with your cheating lady and thrashed all this out, especially since you think they may still be in contact with each other. Don’t be played for a sucker. I would suggest you put on your walking boots.
Re “Taking Out Insurance” a couple of weeks ago. This is a good story and quite entertaining if it wasn’t so real for many foreigners. I myself was entertaining the idea to burn down or bulldoze my house (her house) down. But I never got the timing right and anyway I have no insurance, so I let her be. But what amazes me about my former fiancée Darling, that after all her cheating she comes happily back to me, announcing that I am her real King and wants to get married right away. But with the marriage she wants a bigger house, 10 rai, a pick up truck, gold and a healthy bank balance. Of course I agreed with her reasonable requests and told her we getting married on the moon.
It is all a bit of a lottery, isn’t it. Now may not be the time to buy a ticket, Petal. However, you do sound a bit like the chicken stuffed for Sunday roast. You have not been fully plucked yet. I look forward to your Moon in June wedding, please send me an invitation and the flight ticket.
I never realized I was smart until I came to Thailand two years ago. I have always used my common senses in Thailand and I never had any problems. But Thailand receives the world’s biggest jackasses and fools and every week I see or hear about some farangs who gets into some problems with bar girls and cry about everything and everybody here. I’m tired of these fools and jackasses bad mouthing Thais and Thailand. If they don’t like it GO HOME and stay there.
Dear Happy Camper,
You don’t sound all that happy to me, Petal, your letter is full of grumps and grouches. I agree that there are many foreigners who don’t seem to use much common sense (why is it called ‘common’ when there’s so little of it around.) I also agree that there is nothing to be gained by foreigners when they start bad mouthing Thais and Thailand, and you do have to wonder why they left their own countries in the first place. There can be many reasons I believe, and not all of them are lawful! Of course it is not too difficult to see why some of these people become cannon fodder for the sharp-shooters in the bars. It must be difficult to survive the “Buy me cola, darling” when all they are used to in their home countries are women who want to put them down all the time. “What are you looking at,” being a standard western woman’s response to a bright appreciative smile. Perhaps you should be producing a lapel button which says “Don’t complain to me - I like it here!”
A lady friend of my wife has asked her to find her a “farang” as she considers that is as good as winning the lottery. She said she told her friend to go to Walking Street as that was where she could meet farangs. I suggested that the farangs in Walking Street were more interested in a short time liaison, so that probably wasn’t the best place to go looking, as any farangs will think she is a working girl. A better place would be networking events for the Chambers of Commerce. Do you agree with me, Hillary?
I do agree with you, my Petal, even though not all girls in Walking Street are bar girls, but that is where the farangs go to find some excitement for the evening. The Chambers of Commerce networking sounds a much better idea.