Wednesday, 23 April 2014 16:34

Another ‘newbie’ for fleecing

Dear Hillary,

On my next trip to Thailand I am going up-country to meet my GF’s mother.  I have been writing to her for six months now and will come out in December.  I haven’t been to her mother’s place before and I am wondering what I should give her as a present, a sort of thank you for having me stay for a couple of days.  It is all very new for me and my GF doesn’t tell me much about what is expected.  I have spoken to a couple of chaps who have said that nothing is required, but I will get hit for the cost of a village party which they will put on for me.  Is it really like that?



Dear Jimmy,

What rock did you just climb out from under?  If you have ever read any of these columns, you will have seen that you don’t need to give presents, but sure you will get hit for the drinks at the village party.  BTW, the party isn’t for you, Petal, but for all the neighbors and all the other hanger-ons.  You are being used, and as long as you know this and are prepared to accept this, then go to the village and have a good time!  But don’t think that the trip to the boonies is part of the dating routine.  It isn’t.  It is a way to gage how deep your pockets are.

Dear Hillary,

I apologize for my unprofessional English.  Is it possible that a letter from Germany are not arriving the receiver or right target?  I have meet a nice Thai girl in the last holiday and the friendship between us are deepens.  I write in the meantime several letters to my girlfriend and she write me back.  And we have no problems until now.  The last letter I write on August but no answer. Inside the letter 5000 Baht and some picture.  I called to my girl at the bar but she said there is no letter coming from me.  What will I do?  Your newspaper are my only help for my Heartbreak Situation.  I talk with other people who are stay in Thailand before and they talk to me that some girls are simply lying.  But I am really desperate and I only want to know what is true or not, because I love she very much.  Have maybe somebody of the Post staff stolen the letter or anybody else?  So I want to know your meaning about this sadden situation.  I am thank you and I looking forward of an answer of you to me.



Dear Gunther,

Don’t worry about your English as your emotions came through very plainly (and painfully too).  Unfortunately I have heard from many people that letters containing money go missing.  The answer is to disguise the fact that there may be money in the letter by putting it inside a card or a small magazine.  That way when the letter is held up to a bright light you cannot see the money inside.  But there are other ways, Petal.  A credit/debit card that you can top up from Germany, but she can draw on over here is probably the best way.  Perhaps it might also be better to save your money so that you can get over here more often.  I don’t think your girlfriend is lying, but does she write to you in German or English?

Thursday, 17 April 2014 15:23

Does anybody know What’s Her Name?

Dear Hillary,

I went to a networking evening last night and ended up the night chatting to a very nice Thai woman.  I tried to get her name but it was so noisy and I was a little under the weather by then and I think I forgot it.  As I was driving I didn’t stay to the end but since then I haven’t got her out of my mind.  All I remember is that she came from Bang Saray and she was with another woman who was American (I think).  So what do I do from here to get her out of my mind?



Dear Garry,

I take it that you are looking for a lady, Petal.  There are a few things you can do.  You could always try walking the streets of Bang Saray hoping that you bump into her, but that could take a while.  A better idea would be to go to the next networking night and don’t get quite as under the weather that you can’t remember the woman’s name!  That is provided you can remember what she looks like!  Lots of luck.  It sounds as if you’ll need it.

Thursday, 17 April 2014 15:23

Fumble fingers

Dear Hillary,

This sounds stupid but I am having trouble with my mobile phone when I try to reply to a message.  I have big clumsy fingers and it takes me forever trying to type replies.  Short of dictating my reply (and I haven’t got that technology) have you any answers?



Dear Jeff,

I believe voice recognition technology is available in some top end smart phones, but there is a very easy way, which I call “Swipe” texting.  This is a program that allows you slide your finger over the letters of the words and with predictive texting it will show you three options for your word.  One of them will be the correct one.  I had it put on my phone and it is wonderful.  See your local phone dealer, they will be able to install it in your phone (unless it is a 1965 Motorola).

Thursday, 17 April 2014 15:22

Bringing a friend

Dear Hillary,

Is it usual that when you ask a Thai girl for a date, she brings a friend with her?  This has happened to me three times now, and I find it a bit off-putting.  I mean when you invite a girl out you want to get to know her, not her friend.  I find that she will then spend more time talking and giggling with the friend.  That’s when she’s not looking at her phone and answering calls.  As I said, I’ve done this three times now and I don’t think I’ll bother any more.

P Doff


Dear P Doff,

If you’re not going to bother any more, why are you writing emails to me, Petal?  But if you’re still going to try, then you should start realizing that this is the way “good girls” date in Thailand.  No, they are not going to sleep with you on the first date, or even the second or third, if they have brought along a chaperone.  Slowly, slowly, catchee monkey!  Learn to live with it, or go back to the bar.

Thursday, 17 April 2014 15:21

Liking Hillary’s bits

Dear Hillary,

I enjoy your bits each week and the advice is right on.  Somebody said you should get a raise from your editor and I reckon so too.  You are doing a public service so you should get the top dollar.  All the ones in the US like Oprah get big money, so should you.  Keep up the good work.



Dear Henry,

Aren’t you just the nicest man!  Comparing poor little Hillary with the mighty Oprah!  However there are some differences between us, you know.  She’s in America, for one!  You worry me though, when you say you “enjoy my bits” each week.  What “bits” are we talking about here?  Some of my bits are never discussed here in the column.  This is a family newspaper Hughie.  As far as a raise is concerned, I’ll show your letter to the editor, but he’ll just laugh and say I made it up.

Thursday, 17 April 2014 15:19

Hair today - gone tomorrow?

Dear Hillary,

I wanted a haircut so I went to my usual barbers the other day, to find it was closed.  This was something new to me, so I drove around to see the next one, and it was closed as well.  Asking around with my friends, I was told that all barbers close on Wednesdays.  Can you tell me why they all want to shut on that day.  I had to spend the rest of the afternoon in the pub instead.  Is it a government rule or what?  Just sign me Hairy.


Dear Hairy,

Aren’t you lucky, it was just the Bar-ber that was closed, and not the Bar-beer!  Your friends were correct, the barbers close on Wednesday.  It is not a government rule, but comes from the fact that we consider it to be bad luck to cut your hair on a Wednesday, so the clever barbers may as well close, rather than spread the bad luck.  It is something like the old religious edict of “no meat on Fridays” overseas, which gave the butchers a holiday as well.

Thursday, 10 April 2014 10:53

An Englishman’s home is his castle

Dear Hillary,

I have been married to my Thai wife for 10 years.  We get by on a pension from the UK, which buys less and less every year.  She runs a little Mom and Pop convenience store downstairs, but that isn’t doing too well recently, lucky to cover the rent.  Her two younger brothers have moved to Pattaya from Udon and they are staying with us as well and neither one has a job, but all they do all day is lie about the place watching telly.  I really don’t like this situation and I told my wife that as things are tough, they should pay rent.  She came back saying “I am not a foreigner.  They are my blood.”  I know the Thai’s keep the family as number one, but surely these two lumps should be looking for a job, instead of eating us out of house and home.  How do I handle this, Hillary?



Dear Ron,

You really do have a problem here, my Petal.  The “family” does come first - they learn this from an early age, and the girls are taught that they are there to look after the brothers.  You are not going to re-educate your wife, so unhappily, I think you are stuck with this situation.  You are married to a Thai woman with a Thai family and living in Thailand.  You can try discussing this with her, but you are outnumbered.  Learn to live with it, Ron.

Thursday, 10 April 2014 10:52

The polite brush-off

Dear Hillary,

My local bar has a few girls that work out of there and one of them has decided that I am her property and claims me as soon as I walk in the door.  All I want to do is to have a couple of drinks after work.  I don’t want this attention, how do I get her to stop it?  I don’t want to offend her, but she’s not my type.



Dear Mike,

You just have to be brave and tell her you don’t want her company, so “Bye-Bye” is called for.  She will give up very quickly and go looking for some other sucker, sorry, drinker.

Thursday, 10 April 2014 10:52

Lips are moving

Dear Hillary,

I get told that the old hands have a saying “How do you tell when your Thai GF is lying to you?  Her lips are moving.”  Is it really that bad?  I have a Thai GF and she hasn’t been lying to me.  Well, I suppose I think not!



Dear George,

Have you never told a lie, Petal?  Not even a teensy-weensy one?  Never fibbed to your Thai GF as to why you were late home?  Sorry George, I don’t believe you if you said you haven’t told a lie!  But seriously, a lot depends upon how good the relationship is.  In a good secure relationship there’s no need to lie, because there is honest discussion, and looking for the middle ground when there are contentious issues.

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