As far as I can see Thai women are all liars. I don’t even think they see it as lying, but just a way to avoid facing the truth. Is this because they fear a loss of face or what? We have had many discussions at work about this, but we don’t really know. You are the one who can set us straight, I am sure.
Bill and the Boys
Dear Bill and the Boys,
Thank you for the vote of confidence, my Petal, but it isn’t quite that easy. First off you cannot say Thai women are all liars, they are not all the same. Some tell lies, certainly, but it’s usually to avoid something they don’t want to face up to, as opposed to losing face. Of course in a situation where they will lose face, they will also try and wriggle their way out of it, and that probably needs a bit of a lie here and there. Remember that even Thai politicians have been caught out bending the truth when directly questioned on some subjects. My experience is that women of all nationalities will be economical of the truth as someone once said. The big problem comes in relationships where bare-faced lies can destroy the relationship. Out and out lying is done to hide something, and everyone is the same there. Including you, Bill. What are you hiding, Petal?
Why are there so many men writing to you with problems with their GFs? Money seems to be the main thing both for her and for him. She wants it, he doesn’t want to give it. So why did they hook up in the first place? I think a lot of these complainers tried to big note themselves to attract the girl, and when she finds it was all a make-up that’s when the rot sets in.
The letter above yours has the answer. Both sides are willing to lie to get the relationship started, and when the lies are uncovered, that is the beginning of the end of it. Entering any live-in relationship needs both sides to be honest, so that neither of them goes in with unreal expectations.
You’ve had this before I’m sure, where a casual girlfriend takes up residence and won’t shift out. I’ve said she’s got to go and she’ll agree, but when I come back from work, she’s still there with excuses as to her father didn’t come with the truck, and other similar reasons. This has been going on for two weeks and I’m rapidly losing patience. It’s not as if we had a long time relationship, she’d only been living with me for four weeks beforehand. How do I get rid of her?
You brought all this on your own head, Petal, and now you are suffering the consequences. What you have to do now is to take a day off work and be very strict with her. Hire a truck to take her belongings away and pay her a little goodbye money. You have lived here for some time, so you know the score. Everything costs money here, doesn’t it! Cough up and she’ll move on to another sucker.
I want to get married again next year. I have been married before, but to an American woman, and that finished a few years ago, and almost finished me bank account as well. Now that I have found Thailand, I come over for a couple of months three times a year, so there’s plenty of time to get to know someone. What is the best way to go about finding my next wife? The bars certainly make it easy to get to know someone, and there are some stunners working there. I know you warn us about the girls from the bars, but what is the alternative?
Don the Divorcee
Dear Don the Divorcee,
It may have cost you money in the US to get unhitched, Don, but don’t think that everything in Thailand is “free”. I can assure you that it is not. The girls from the bars are professionals in keeping men happy in their own delusions, but there is always a rude awakening when the girl becomes tired of it. Some extra money pumped into the relationship will get it steaming along fine again - for a while - until a financial top-up becomes necessary again. Bar girl relationships are business dealings, my Petal, and are based on that. Marriages should be based on love, physical and mental attraction and a desire to make the relationship permanent and strong.
So what is the alternative to a bar? Exactly the same as in the US, Petal. You join common interest clubs and associations, you keep an eye out for someone who pulls your string, be that in a restaurant, bank or dental surgery. Finding a ‘mate’ is not accomplished by taking the easy way - ‘easy’ bar girls who are ready to please, ending up in a union based on your wallet, that’s all.
Forget this idea that you want to get married next year. If the right woman comes along you could even get married this year.
I think of you whenever I cross past the sign of your new locale on Thepprasit Road. Wishing you caviar dreams, champagne and chocolate for your new year. Sadly, I am taken as you know.
Do I know you? I don’t think we have ever been formally introduced, but you sound like a nice man, wishing good dreams upon me. However, if you want to be a really, really nice man, then just drop off the caviar, champagne and chocolates at my new locale. Please mark clearly that the items are for Ms. Hillary, or the messenger will scoff them!
I saw a couple of weeks ago some discussion as to whether Thai women “love” or are even capable of “love”. Here is why there are such differences in opinion - Thai women do not fall catastrophically in love, as do the foreign males. The male, having surrendered to this feeling called “love” goes blindly into the relationship from there. The Thai female, on the other hand, slowly develops a feeling, which we may call “love” for the want of a better name as the relationship matures. Men and women are quite different, and Thai females in particular! I have worked in this area of human relationships for many years, so I do know what I am talking about.
Oh I feel sorry for you, my Petal. Working in the field of human relationships till there is no emotional stone unturned. What happened to affairs of the heart, crimes of passion, lust and love? Especially love, spelled with a capital L? Are we Thai women all so predictable? You must live in a very lonely world, Khun Bruce, knowing every step that lies ahead. I would rather live in this world of delicious uncertainty, not knowing what someone will do next. I hope we never meet!
They say you should never trust one of these Thai women. That’s for sure and certain, Hillary, so don’t argue with me on this. I’ve been married to one for around 10 years and this week I finally caught her playing up with some Thai guy. I’ve had my suspicions and began watching her and her “girl’s nights out”. She would come back after a trip to Bangkok and then say she had to collect some books from a friend and come back three hours later. Then she would say she was somewhere and she wasn’t there, but always had an excuse as to why not. Eventually I found her car outside a set of apartments and out she came, ringing me to say she was in the supermarket! That makes it the third time she’s cheated on me, so she’s out the door. Does anyone not agree? One thing’s for sure, I’ll never trust another one.
I am very sorry to read of your domestic problems, my Petal, but these things do happen, and in all countries too. When they took out the “honor and obey” in the marriage ceremony, many males blame the current situation on that, but that’s not true. Look at the history books and you’ll see lots of illegitimate children round the place, and they didn’t drop out of the sky either! Polygamy is legal in many countries, but also not accepted in other countries. So what can you do? In your case you’ve done it, and I am sure many readers would agree with what you have done. Just be careful next time. OK?
After getting to know one of the bar girls quite well in my local beer bar, she asked me for some money to send to her mother as her daughter was sick and stays with her mother. It wasn’t much, only 5,000 baht and I really didn’t care if she repaid me or not. The only problem is she’s come back to me twice more since then and it’s starting to add up. It’s now 25,000 baht and that’s getting up a bit, even if she doesn’t charge me anything any more for short-times and stuff. How do I tactfully tell her that there’s no more loans and I’d like her to start paying back the money I gave her? And please no sermons, my buddies are good at doing that, but they’ve got no answers for me.
Dear Cyril (the sucker),
The whole situation revolves around the phrase “the money I gave her”. She looks upon it as a gift, which you did originally, but now you want to change it into a “loan”. It’s a little late for that, my Petal. No matter how many short-times, as you quaintly put it, you are never going to see the 25,000 baht again. Sorry, but that’s the facts of life in Fun City. How do you tell her tactfully that the well has run dry? Quite easily, next time she asks, just say no. She won’t fall apart, she’ll just move on to the next customer. That is the occupation that these girls have chosen. They live by their wits and the guilty consciences of the suckers they fleece. Kiss it good bye, literally and metaphorically.
Although as you stated prostitution has been around for ever, but it was bought (sic) to light in the 19th century by an American Widow who went to Siam as a Nanny to the Royal Household.
Named Anna (Deborah Kerr) she soon attracted the attention of King Yul and taught him a few new dance steps, all the rage in America.
King Yul was so overcome that he set her up in her own condo and showered her with gifts. Legend has it that when the word of this spread to Issan and Loas (sic) all the young women ventured out to seek their own Prince Charming.
The years rolled on and one night at Kings Cross a young Tasmanian girl (Mary Donaldson, a commoner) happened to be in a Sydney night club when she met a guy named Fred (Prince Frederik of Denmark) out for the night with the boys. Fred fell into the same trap as King Yul and set Princess Mary up in a palace in Denmark.
So if Anna and Mary can hit the jackpot, why not Nid, Lek or Malee? The Thai girls know it is a dark swamp they must enter with lots of pitfalls such as snakes frogs and pimps but it is a chance they must take to support their families and keep the Buffalo healthy. (PS, Tasmania would be Australia’s Issan.)
Just where did you get that drivel from? Watching re-runs of The King and I on CNN? Anna Leonowens (played by Ms Kerr in the fictionalized movie) had a very small part to play in the Royal Household of King Mongkut (played by Yul Brynner). She was not “set up in a condo”. Her book has been shown to be a complete make believe. Try Google as a source.
The romance of Prince Frederik and Princess Mary is a modern day fairy tale, and it could be argued that she struck it lucky. I prefer to think they fell madly in love.
And finally, Tasmania is Australia’s Issan? Just how did you come up with that? Please brush up on your spelling and facts, before you bombard me again!
Being one who knows which fork to use and is conversant with good manners. Can you clear up a problem for me? It’s to do with fish and chips. The better part of the farang population here would not know what a “Fish Knife” is so we leave that one alone.
It’s to do with “Tartare Sauce” served with fish. My sainted Mam told me it should be either poured over the fish or poured on your plate and the fish is dipped in it.
This week I was at my usual 3 star eatery and I noticed a man with an English accent placing the fish on his fork and then dipping it in the minute tartare dish. Much to the raised eyebrows of the laundry maid as more went on the table cloth then on his fish.
Come up with the right answer and I’ll send you a bottle of Mc Williams Brown Muscat and a melted Kit Kat, as I value your advice.
Dear Aussie Bill,
You are a sweet man, and how could I ever say that anyone’s mother was wrong! However, the similar concept runs with butter and butter knives. You don’t dip the bread in the butter, you scoop enough from the butter dish and place that on your plate. From there, you butter your bread/bun or whatever. And so it be with tartare sauce. It should be served in a small gravy boat and poured either on the fish, or better, on the plate, and small amounts placed on the fish before being sent to the mouth.
The Muscat sounds nice, Petal. The melted Kit Kat does not!