Wednesday, 11 February 2015 16:01

Where’s my umbrella?

Dear Hillary,

We live in Jomtien and often go to the beach there as it seems to be very popular with the Thais, as we see them swimming there a lot. Why do the Thai people wear clothes when they go into the sea? Sometimes it looks like shipwreck survivors from the Titanic. Some Thais wear bikinis, but they are in the minority. I even see them going in wearing jeans! Why, Hillary please tell us.

Jomtien Ladies


Dear Jomtien Ladies,

This is very easy to explain. Why do people with white skins use tanning lotions and tanning clubs? Because they want to be brown. Why do people with brown skin use umbrellas during the day? Because they want to be white, in fact “whitening” creams are the biggest selling cosmetics in Thailand. So when they go to the beach, they cover up as much as possible, and that is why they enjoy swimming - but fully clothed!

Wednesday, 11 February 2015 16:00

Eating - a wonderful pastime for visitors

Dear Hillary,

What restaurants would you recommend for new arrivals to Pattaya? We will be having relatives from the UK coming to stay in our house over Easter (we will be away) and we will have to advise them on places to eat. They will try Thai food, but will eat European most times as they are afraid of spicy food. Middle of the road and not too expensive please, Hillary!



Dear Foodie,

Your relatives will arrive in Paradise. Every cuisine in the world is represented in Pattaya somewhere. Now let’s get over the spicy food problem. Many restaurant menus have little red chilli indicators beside each dish - one, two or three grades of spicy heat. You can ask the service person to make the dish “mai pet” which means “not hot” and they will relay this to the chef. Suggest to them that they stay away from their normal British food of fish and chips and a Balti curry and try something different. Some of the food courts have different styles/cuisine to choose from, and the one on top of the Royal Garden Plaza does this. Get a few back issues of the Pattaya Mail for them with the restaurant reviews by our Miss Terry Diner. She always gives an indication of prices as well as how to get there. And if all else fails, they can take me to dinner and I will show them!

Wednesday, 11 February 2015 16:00

Gumshoe anyone?

Dear Hillary,

I hear about all these guys who get ripped off by their lady friends. Why don’t they do a little checking first? There is an opening for a good private investigator here who could look into their backgrounds and their past and give these guys some chance of knowing what they are getting themselves into. Am I right?

Private Dick


Dear Dick,

There certainly is an opening for a PI round here. It’s a large hole in the ground that can be filled in later. What happened to trust in the affairs d’amour? The problem here is only the marriages that go A over T get publicity. The countless hundreds of Thai girls married to farangs, and who have lived happily together, don’t get a mention. Well I suppose they don’t need to write in to an agony column. Am I right! So what’s your excuse, Dick?

Wednesday, 11 February 2015 15:59

Hello sexy Lady (err Man)

Dear Hillary,

Why are katoeys so attractive to men? I hardly know of any man in Pattaya who hasn’t been seen ogling at these lady-boys at some time. I can’t understand it, they’re neither one thing or the other. Why then do they do it?



Dear Befuddled,

One thing you will have noted about the “women of the 2nd order” is that the vast majority are perfectly groomed, perfectly made up, with perfect figures and are also perfectly friendly. In some cases too friendly, I fear, and by the way, I do know that the perfect figures were purchased from the plastic surgeons, and Thailand is well known overseas for the skill of these surgeons. However, for a lot of men, these “girls” represent the best looking women they’ve seen in a long time. I think us girls have to realize that we don’t always look our best when we go out - the katoeys always do! There is a lesson to be learned, I fear!

Wednesday, 04 February 2015 15:31

Good girls and Bar girls again

Dear Hillary,

About three weeks ago you printed a letter from a chap who discovered his office girl in the daytime worked as a bar girl at night. He wondered just what was the real girl, and you could read between the lines that one face of her was the ‘good’ girl and the other face was the gold digger. He didn’t know what to do. Let me tell him from my experience that just because a girl works in a bar, that doesn’t make her dishonest. I met a young woman in a bar, and at her suggestion we carried on in the evening at her room. The next day at my own condo I suddenly realized my gold chain was missing, and remembered taking it off to take a shower in her room. This gold chain was a family heirloom, so it was important. To make it worse, my mother who had given it to me, was arriving the following week. It was a very intricate design so I couldn’t even get a copy made. A few days later I was walking through Walking Street when I heard my name being called - it was the same girl who said, “You leave your chain in my room. When do you want to get it?” I could have kissed her right there in the street. So I got it back, the real thing before someone mentions the famous Blue Diamond, and I did reward her for her honesty even though she didn’t ask for anything. There is really no difference between the so-called ‘good’ girls and the bar girls. Good and bad in ‘em all.



Dear Ted,

We all have free will to do as we want. Thai girls are no different from other girls all over the world. Honesty is something that we learn from our parents and pass on to our own children. I will say that you have been lucky, my Petal. Just don’t do it again! OK?

Wednesday, 04 February 2015 15:30

Lap top problems

Dear Hillary,

As my computer was down, I used my husband’s lap top which he had left at home between trips. I clicked on his ‘favorites’ and was taken aback by the number of porn sites he has been visiting. Is this something I should worry about? Or has he tired of me (we have been married for 14 years)? He has been lusting after all these women dressed in lingerie and stockings, and I don’t even possess a pair of stockings in retaliation. My girlfriends said to just ignore it, all males like to fantasize and I should do nothing. I don’t know if they mean that, or have they got designs on my husband? This does upset me. What do you think I should do? I am worrying myself sick over it.



Dear Marie,

The first piece of advice I have for you is to stop snooping in your husband’s lap top, Petal. You may be married, but everyone, including spouses, is entitled to some privacy. The second piece of advice I am giving you is to stop discussing your private lives with your girlfriends. After all, how do you know that some of them haven’t got the lingerie and stockings already. The reason there is so much porn available, and thousands of sites, is because your husband, and people like him, need some kind of outlet, or respite from the stresses of today’s living. For most men, it is just a fantasy, as your girlfriends said, but having said all that, if he is spending much of his salary on these sites, which can happen, let me tell you, Petal, then this viewing of porn has become an addiction, which may require some sexual counseling. Check the credit card entries, this may give you some idea of the perceived problem or otherwise, but be aware any entries from these sites will not state “Porno Pix Pty”.

Wednesday, 04 February 2015 15:30

Hello Sexy Man, sit down please!

Dear Hillary,

Each week you seem to get letters from all these saps who fall for the “Hello sexy man” routine. Your cartoonist even uses the line in some of his very funny cartoons. Are the men tourists who visit Thailand all a bit dim, or what? Surely a pot-bellied 60 year old beer swiller can’t possibly believe that he is sexy. If he is that stupid, that might even explain why he buys the 18 year old a house, a car, a motorcycle for the “brother” and gold rope for her, and then comes back next year and hopes to do it all again.



Dear Wilf,

Petal, I think you need to be a little more charitable. Why is your 60 year old here? Because he is bored and lonely, and Thailand offers him the chance to be a sexy man for three weeks. What would he have done with the money anyway? Drink it, I suppose? So he has a wonderful memory of an 18 year old who thought he was sexy in this warm tropical country and is waiting for him. The disappointment when he finds she didn’t wait is soon forgotten as the new 18 year old girl at the bar thinks he is sexy as well. Thailand is heaven for three weeks (and hell for the other 49)!

Wednesday, 28 January 2015 15:07

Date from Weight Watchers

Dear Hillary,

From what I have read in your column in the past, I think you are a Thai lady, so I hope you can give me a good answer. I recently met a Thai lady through the Internet. I am in my later years (70+) and she is in her 30s. She is educated, teaches in an elementary school, and is a smart lady. We have met twice, became intimate quite quickly, and it’s been a nice relationship so far. But one big problem for me - she is very fat. She needs to lose minimum 10 KG, 15 KG would be better. How do I let her know my feelings about this without hurting her feelings? Or am I being too fussy?

MH from Chiang Mai


Dear MH from Chiang Mai,

You have a downright cheek! Met her twice. Had your wicked way and now say she is too fat. Not so fat that a roll in the hay wasn’t on the cards. Your feelings? You’ve already shown your hand (and other bits of your body). Now we get to know the real MH. All you want is a “nice” relationship with someone half your age, nice and slender and sexy. Lots of luck looking.

Wednesday, 28 January 2015 15:06

Leech, leech, leech!

Dear Hillary,

My girlfriend’s boyfriend has stopped sending her money from Germany. It seems he found a man on his recent trip to happy land and no longer wants her. How can we straighten our benefactor out and get our money coming back. Are there pills that he can take to get him on the right track?


Dear Lamak,

I was about to send your letter to the round file I keep under my desk, but someone must have purloined the bin while I was away last week. Are you for real? Or is this letter just to see what Hillary will make of it? Giving you the benefit of the doubt, you are nothing but a leech on society. You want some poor German to fund your lifestyle with his previous paramour. What sort of woman is she? Devastated at the dwindling funds? And what sort of person are you? I hope the German reads this and comes over and takes everything you have bought with his money.

Wednesday, 28 January 2015 15:04

Butterfly trap

Dear Hillary,

Are all Thai women jealous? My sort of girlfriend will ring me up and say “My friend saw you last night in a restaurant with a lady.” This annoys me as apart from the fact that I didn’t go to a restaurant with a woman, I actually ate at home by myself. So either her friend is trying to make trouble, or my girlfriend is making trouble. Which is it, Hillary?



Dear JC,

Didn’t anyone tell you that Thai women are not jealous - they are very jealous. When they find a boyfriend they want him to be faithful and not “go butterfly”. So they think up reasons to accuse you and then see how plausible is your story. Of course, her friend wants her to break up with you, so she can then get you instead. Or she wants to go to dinner and doesn’t like it when your “sort of” girlfriend goes to dinner with you instead of her. Anyway, what’s a “sort of” GF?

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