Just came from having breakfast with my two mates and our bar girlfriends. All three of us are around 70 years old, weigh around 130 kilos each, have little hair and have money. Yep, that is the system here; got money? Got honey. I suppose we could go back to a miserable lonely life in jolly good wherever, but why, so it would make you folks happy? Forget about it.
Dear Kamel Hyder,
If you decide that this is the “system” for you, then that’s fine by me, just don’t complain when it goes A over T. Beware of ending up with neither honey nor money.
I’ve read all the books, listened to the wise advice from the old hands, and still I get stymied in my attempts to find these elusive “good women” that you talk about. Just where are they? I don’t see any beating a path to my door, no matter how open I leave it. Where or what am I supposed to do next?
Dear Big Al,
The first thing you have to do is close the door. “Good” girls don’t walk around the villages at night, looking for open doors. They leave that to the “good time” girls, and that whole scene is a little doubtful, in all aspects, Big Al. Finding your soul mate needs you to go to where such creatures hang out - not waiting by your door, waiting for them to chance by. It is time you got off your Big A, Petal and worked out where these girls come from, and where you can meet them in a social scene. One very easy way is to go to parties and BBQ’s put on by expats married to Thai ladies. Let the hostess know that you don’t have a partner, but would love to meet a nice Thai lady, and she will let all her eligible friends know. The next step of course depends upon whether you are really ready for a relationship yourself, and whether or not you are really a butterfly. Thai ladies are not going to spend time with a time waster, no matter how clever or rich you think you are. Really, Big Al, the dating situation is just like in your own country. You meet ladies in a social environment, and eventually someone goes ‘click’ with you (and her)! The trick is in finding the right social environment. If the environment you inhabit is the bar scene, you will end up with bar girls I am afraid.
In answer to Antoinette who was unsure of when to ‘wai’ - I only wai when I am wai’ed to and then only if the person is of similar standing and generally shows me respect. Very few of these around, so wai’s from me are very few and rare.
Thank you for that, and you are correct that respect should be shown. However, when I receive a wai I do generally return it, unless it is at the checkout at the supermarket.
Regarding George’s complaints about his Issan GF and her friends. But seriously George presuming that you are a veteran of having “in-laws” there is nothing here out of the ordinary. In America I was well acquainted with a fellow who would cringe when his wife’s family visited because they would prepare Southwestern food that burned his nostrils. Similarly here I know a fellow who insists that his Issan lover eat the foods he loves on the balcony of the condo for the smell.
I think George does complain a little too much. A group of farangs in a pub act just the same way as the Issan girls sitting on the floor. However, I do know that most farangs object to the smell of ‘Pla Ra’ and insist it be left outside, or on the balcony!
A couple of weeks back, a writer called Jackson tried to show what happens with Thai girls’ fascination with ‘selfies’, but evidently you have spent only a limited amount of time with the “contemporary” fairer sex of teen age and early 20’s women in your own country. I assure you the similarities are overwhelming as IQ points drop. If you have qualification to be a university instructor or interest in attending college here in the English language I can assure you that you will and can find young people filled with serious purpose and much less interest in their physical appearance. This leads to two questions: Would you attend an English language university? Would you pay attention to a woman who paid less attention to her physical beauty? Your answers say as much about you as you imply about silly flirty girls with smart phones.
An interesting comparison, but one that cannot really be debated, as none of us have the knowledge about the ‘selfies’ in your home country. I must also rise to defend the Thai ladies - looking after their physical selves is important, and the same goes for about any country in the western world. You’ll have to excuse me now as I have ordered my normal bath in asses milk to be drawn, and I don’t want to let it get cold…
I was in at the Pattaya Mail last week and saw an (may I say it) “elderly” lady sitting at a desk in the back of the office. Was that you? Like lots of people here, I’ve been dying to meet you and see what you look like. Did I get it right? And is your hair done with a blue rinse?
You must be pulling my leg, Petal. Is Hillary a member of the ‘blue rinse set’? No, I do not use a blue rinse, though sometimes my salon lady will add a little black to the final rinse. No, I do not have an office desk at the back of the ground floor, though some days it is tiring going up all those steps to my attic at the top of the building. (I must ask the editor to install a lift!)
I like a drink, who doesn’t, but my fan likes a drink even more. She’s getting into the hard stuff during the day while I’m in the office, and is definitely tipsy by the time I come home. When I look forward to a home cooked meal, she’s too tired (or too tipsy), but really too far gone to take out to a restaurant, so now I go by myself. I’m getting pretty p’d off with this but what can I do? We’ve been together over six years, but the last two years it has been getting worse. She won’t admit that she’s drinking so much either, and gets angry if I show her empty bottles. What is the next step, Hillary? Divorce?
This is a medical problem, James, not an Agony Aunt problem. You must be getting near the end of your tether mentioning divorce as an option, but I believe it is the final step, not the next step. You have to sit down with her and tell her what you feel. Try to get her to go to a doctor - if she’s drinking as much as you suggest then some blood tests might back this up. However, if she won’t go, then you’re stuck I’m afraid. Since you have been together for six years, I think you should take on the responsibility of trying to help her, but put a time limit on it, or you will end up being dragged down as well. You have already admitted that you like a drink too!
Hi Hills Old Bean,
You must know why these bar girls are just so unreliable (as far as telling the truth is concerned) and just so reliable in doing a runner (once the mug’s pockets are turned inside out). Is this a special brand of “Thainess” or some special brand of people. A few of us regular Saturday morning folk are interested to know. Keep going as we are with the bar girls we’ve got, or just be shot of them all? By the way, we pay them a good salary each month. Over to you Hills Old Bean.
Just when did you think it is OK to address someone as “Old Bean”? Or even more interesting, who taught you these appalling manners? Why should I give you the benefits of my superior knowledge after such rudeness, and forget about “Thainess”.
But back to your insulting email, you get what you pay for, in this world, Charlie my ignorant Petal. If you are paying for company, who is going to stay after the golden goose has been cooked? These girls are far to well schooled in the fleecing department for your simple minds. Stick with the bar girls you’ve got, and expect to find one day that the ATM doesn’t have any money in it. It will be empty, just as your nest will be.
I don’t have any problems that relate to broken hearts, I just want to tell you and your readers that there are some absolutely lovely girls out there who are looking for a decent man for a husband. If you want to find the right kind of girl, be the right kind of man yourself. After 15 years of marriage to the same Thai woman, I think I am qualified to write this. We share everything, including the financial side of our relationship.
I am delighted to get your email, especially when you see the one above your on this page. Self-centered men who think the world owes them a living, and a girl for the kitchen and bedroom because they pay a “salary”. What are they looking for? A partner or a slave? Oh, they make me so angry!
More good fun in your letters again this week (issue 38). I was going to take your advice as given to Lenny namely that us non Thai speakers should carry the burden of language difficulties. I told my GF that I was going to spend my days learning Thai. She on the other hand can give up her English classes that she enjoys so much and work out how to earn some serious housekeeping money. She opted for life as normal and against change.
On a more serious note as we all know a girl brought up in a cosmopolitan environment will pick up a language much faster but do we really want a GF with such sophistication! What do you think Hillary?
What an interesting letter! You are worried that by changing the status quo your GF might get sophisticated! You should be proud of anyone like that. And just as I told Lenny that he should go and learn the language of this country, why would you stop your GF learning yours. You could help each other out. Don’t be mean, let her continue with her lessons which “she enjoys so much” and get off your derriere and line up for Thai lessons.