Wednesday, 02 September 2015 14:54

Hillary’s concierge duties

Dear Hillary,

I know this isn’t strictly your area, but my wife and I are coming to Pattaya before Xmas and wondered if you could recommend a hotel for us for the three weeks (we go back to London before the Xmas Day holiday). We don’t want to spend too much money – about 3,000 baht a night will be ok, but want the place to be secure and on public transport and close to the beach. Any hints?

George and Mildred


Dear George and Mildred,

Straight from shooting another of the TV series, are we Petals? Look, there are plenty of hotels that would fit your requirements, but as you said, I’m not the one to suggest hotels for you. What I suggest is contact a travel agent here and work through them. I’m sure they advertise in the paper, and I do know Massic Travel is very helpful. (I do use them myself when I’m going anywhere and you can contact them at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .)

Wednesday, 02 September 2015 14:53

A GF salary

Dear Hillary,

My Thai GF is now in the condo with me. It’s not a big one, just a one bedroom unit, marble floor tiles and such, so shouldn’t need much looking after. What salary should I give her each month? All she has to do is sweep and tidy and make a breakfast and an evening meal, probably four or five times a week. I’ll buy all the food and groceries and cleaning materials, and I pay the electric and water bills so the salary is just for her. Asking around, I get told anything from fifteen thousand to forty thousand, which sounds a bit heavy to me.



Dear Jimmy,

What is the job description for your Thai GF, come maid, cook, bottle washer and I presume bed warmer, since you only have one bedroom. Or should I call her your “slave”? The minimum wage for an employed person in Thailand is B. 300 a day, so there’s your starting point – nine thousand a month. You could try offering that sum and I’m sure she’ll be gone after the first month, taking the silver with her as well as her clothes. Have you told her what you want? Then have you asked her how much she expects? You might be in for a shock, Petal.

Wednesday, 02 September 2015 14:51

Sam’s Friendly Loan Office

Dear Hillary,

After getting to know one of the bar girls quite well in my local beer bar, she asked me for some money to send to her mother as her daughter was sick and stays with her mother like most Thai bar girls do with their children. It wasn’t much, only 5,000 baht and I really didn’t care if she repaid me or not. The only problem is she didn’t repay me that first time and she’s come back to me twice more since then and it’s starting to add up. It’s now 25,000 baht and that’s getting up a bit, even if she doesn’t charge me anything any more for short-times and stuff. How do I tactfully tell her that there’s no more loans and I’d like her to start paying back the money I gave her? And please no sermons, my buddies are good at doing that, but they’ve got no answers for me.



Dear Sam (the sucker),

The whole situation revolves around the phrase “the money I gave her”. She looks upon it as a gift, which you did originally, but now you want to change it into a “loan”. It’s a little late for that, my Petal. No matter how many short-times, as you quaintly put it, you are never going to see the 25,000 baht again, as you would have to spend it on Vitamin V tabs (the blue ones, Petal). How do you tell her tactfully that the well has run dry? Quite easily, next time she asks, just say no. She won’t fall apart, she’ll just move on to the next customer. That is the occupation that these girls have chosen. They live by their wits and the guilty consciences of the suckers they fleece. Kiss it good bye, literally and metaphorically.

Wednesday, 26 August 2015 15:33

A Chinese puzzle

Dear Hillary,

In my job I have a lot of contact with Chinese business people. The latest group (they always travel in groups) was headed up by a woman, who made it obvious that she was interested in a little more than brochures. This was without English or Thai languages. I’ve never been one to turn down something that was offered like this, but I think her husband was one of the group. So, should I give it a go, or toe the business line? If you were in my shoes, Hillary, what would you do?



Dear Art,

I like people who live dangerously, and you are a risk taker, Petal. Haven’t you ever heard about the Triads? Or read about the lawyer who had a fling with a Chinese lady and ended up having to sit down to pee after a kind of extended Chinese circumcision? The Chinese are just as much into revenge as the western world. And what would I do? I would make sure I was out of town, the next time she comes into town. I can’t make it any plainer than that, Art.

Wednesday, 26 August 2015 15:32

Finding a ‘good’ bar girl

Dear Hillary,

I’ve heard such terrible reports of what these bar girls are like (eat you up and spit you out with the seeds was one report I read), that I’m too afraid to have anything to do with them, though I would really like to have a girl’s company when I come over for two weeks in October. How do you pick a good one from the bad ones?


Dear Oliver,

There is no simple go/no go test for bar girls I’m afraid. However, to make the minefield less dangerous, you should always remember that they are ‘working’ girls. Being a bar girl is what they work at to make their money, and that money comes out of your pocket. That is why they call you an ATM. But it isn’t all bad, my Petal. Keep a good hold on your wallet and you are ahead of the game. Like tipping in a restaurant – if you think you’ve had good service, then tip accordingly. If your lady from the bar is giving you a good service, then tip accordingly.

Wednesday, 26 August 2015 15:29

Decisions! Decisions!

Dear Hillary,

I’ve got two ladies on the go. One is a stunner but no hanky panky. The other is sensational between the sheets, but very plain. They don’t know about each other, but both are trying to tie me down. What do you think, Hillary? Which one should I settle down with?



Dear Eric,

Don’t rush into making up your mind. Wait until you are a little older and more mature. About 10 years should do it! In the meantime let them both go, that’s a good boy.


Dear Hillary,

Are any of these dating services any good, or are they just a money making have? I see some actually advertise no fees, but I’m not wet behind the ears, they must be getting money somewhere along the way. And are the girls for real?



Dear Jerry,

Busy looking are we? You are correct that the people who run these agencies have to make some baht out of it somewhere, and it is usually that you can look for free, but to establish a two way communication will require a fee of some type. Are the girls (most are ladies) genuine? Yes, I believe so, but I am told some of them don’t look the same in person! You could enter the legal field of ‘Caveat Emptor’ (let the buyer beware) and I asked my friendly lawyer next door and he said that the legal premise is that the buyer buys at his/her own risk and therefore should examine and test a product himself/herself for obvious defects and imperfections. Caveat emptor still applies even if the purchase is “as is” or when a defect is obvious upon reasonable inspection before purchase. How you “test” the product from the dating agency leaves much to the imagination!

Wednesday, 26 August 2015 15:26

Marital status

Dear Hillary,

One of the girls at my office has been very friendly to me. Holds my hand when talking to me in the corridor, and always goes out of her way to talk to me and smiles a lot in my direction. Her English seems pretty good, but I don’t know if she is married or not. Where do I go from here?



Dear Confused,

From the sketchy details you have given me, Petal, it is very hard to know exactly what is in the lady’s mind. However, she obviously does enjoy her chats in the corridor. You say you don’t know if she is married or not, so how am I going to know! But it is easy to find out. Next time you are having a chat in the corridor, why don’t you just ask her, “Are you married?” is not difficult to say, is it? If that is too daunting, ask one of the girls in the office if she is married. All the office girls will know each other’s marital status (and ‘martial’ status too). Loosen up a little, or maybe you’d like to try in the local supermarket. The price check lady in the vegetable section is unattached, I believe!

Wednesday, 19 August 2015 15:32

Step son problems

Dear Hillary,

Having a problem with the wife’s boy. He’s 9 and does not take well to discipline. She lets him run all over her, while I am trying to get him to become responsible and pick up his clothes off the floor for example. When I was a boy I would have got a good clip behind the ear for back chat, but she won’t let me do anything like that. It is spoiling our relationship. She does not seem to understand this. If it gets worse, I will just have to leave. Suggestions?



Dear Garry,

I don’t think I am the one to ask, as I have not had problem children, though all parents seem to tell me that kids are a problem, and they last 20 years. This is not really a problem between you and the child, but a problem between you and the child’s mother, Petal. You have to discuss this between the pair of you and try to come to some sort of a compromise. If there is no compromise possible, then you either accept the situation, or as you say, you will have to leave. Best of luck.

Wednesday, 19 August 2015 15:30

Dress sense

Dear Hillary,

What is your opinion on the standard of dress with today’s young Thai people? They all look as though they have been dressed by Oxfam, and definitely “free size” with one sizing “fitting” all.



Dear Gordy,

It’s not just Thai youngsters, Petal. The real culprits are American, with “styles” adopted by Korea, and then by Thais. In some states in the US you can be fined for having low slung jeans with the underpants showing. As their parents do not dress like that, it is just a form of protest by the younger generation against the older generation. When the younger generation becomes the older generation they will conform. Same as you did, Gordy.

Wednesday, 19 August 2015 15:29

Fan trouble

Dear Hillary,

Fan trouble again. Wants to go out with “the girls” at least four times a week This is OK because she says I can go out with “the boys” four times a week as well. Now I’m not against her having girlfriends, but since it would seem they all have a “Gik” or two, I don’t want my fan going that way too.



Dear Bill,

You have a problem here. There is an old saying “Birds of a feather, flock together.” If you are really sure they are all cheating on their husbands, where does that leave your girl and you. You don’t say how long you’ve been together, but I think it is time to put the running shoes on and let her go out with her girlfriends seven nights a week. Remember that if you love someone, let her go – if she comes back, nobody else wanted her either!

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