Sorry I had to send this letter by motorcycle taxi, but I was afraid you might recognize me if I delivered it by myself. As you will see when you read it, my problem comes in trying to find out if my Thai GF is being true and faithful to me, or maybe two-timing while I am away for six weeks at a time (I work off-shore). I am suspicious because every time I ring her it rings through, but then she rings me back 10 minutes later and says she was having som tam and had left the phone in her handbag. If I question this, she always has a girlfriend there who tells me that they were having so much fun they didn’t hear the phone. She also needs to know exactly the day I will get back to Thailand - makes me think there is someone else in the house who has to vacate before I get back. What do you think about me getting back early one month? I am getting all screwed up inside, thinking about it all when off shore.
You did not tell me how long has your relationship been going. Is this something new, or have you been together for years? There must be more to it than just not picking up the phone when you ring. You have left out too many details, Sandy. From what you have told me, there is nothing to get worried about - but give me the full story. I don’t think that getting back early would achieve much either. Even if there was somebody in the house, they could be genuine relatives staying for a couple of days. How would you know? There are private investigators if you want to spend the money, but sit down first and look at the situation and then make up your mind as to whether you really have a problem, or is this something related to yourself and your attitudes and expectations?
I have the answer to the man (Matchmaker) who has some “good” Thai ladies looking for husbands. So nice to hear that you are happy with your Thai girl. I have been with my wife for more than 20 years. I have never looked back. My advice regarding your Thai friends looking for a Farang, I would have to say that the chances of these girls finding a “normal Farang man” are very slim. I hear many times a Farang would ask, “are there good Thai girls out there?” I have been here long enough to know that there are many good, girls out there; however, 80 percent of Farang men I have met over the years, well, put it this way - I would not take them home to meet my mother. My eldest daughter is 23 years old this month, she will be starting her masters in July. I hope to god that she will find a good Thai man. The last thing I want is for her to be with a Farang but at the end of the day it is her choice. Your girl’s friends, they look at you, just a normal guy with a savings account and they see that you and your girl are happy and that you take good care of her. And they want some of that too. My advice to you is to drop the matchmaking, you may be able to find a find a Farang for these girls but if and when it goes wrong, guess who will be in a world of pain? So be happy, love your girlfriend but drop the matchmaking.
Dear Thai Mark,
You have hit the right mark with your reply to Matchmaker. With things as changeable as human emotions, it is best to stay away. Let these women find their own Farang husbands.
I asked a school teacher from Chiang Mai for a date. She wanted to bring some other ladies for security. I said I am too old for protection, but she can bring as many ladies as she likes. Then she drives 12 hours to Pattaya to see me again. Take it easy with the ladies and make fun and you will take their heart.
Aren’t you the lucky one? Drives from Chiang Mai to Pattaya to see you again. What is your secret attraction? I once had a suitor who drove all the way from South Pattaya to Jomtien, but then claimed he had to rush off, but did give me 20 baht for the baht bus home. Keep plugging away, my Petal. You’ve got the game sewn up it would seem.
One of your correspondents (Sad Old Walker) was complaining at the price of everything here, including girls for fun. This could be me talking... as well as walking; I echo Sad Old Walker’s’ sentiments entirely. He sounds as though, like me, that he’d be better off in his own country and only visiting Thailand periodically; and avoid getting involved in bar girl culture in any way at all. It’s up (or down) to the girls to get clued up about their own self worth; though 2,000 baht a night is 100 percent more than I ever paid for female company a few years ago. Maybe, unlike me due to a severe visual disability, Sad Old Walker could get hold of a push bike and become upwardly mobile?
As I replied before on this topic, what is this 2000 baht a night nonsense? And this is tied up with self worth you say? What are they selling? Accommodation at 5 star hotels? Or raffle tickets? Or sponsorship of chamber of commerce evenings? I am sorry to read about your severe visual disability, perhaps this is why you are having trouble with 2000 baht. Is it recognizing the big notes from 100 baht ones? All very confusing. Perhaps you could train the seeing eye dog to sniff out the 1000 baht ones?
When you meet someone and you know they are the right person for you, it doesn’t matter whether they work in a bar or work in a university. That’s it, they are the one. You are in love. You go on a lot about finding good Thai women, but they are really all the same, so don’t keep on about it. If the girl comes from a bar, just enjoy and ignore the advice from silly old people like Hillary.
What a silly mixed up young boy you are. You are not describing “love” to me, Petal, you are describing infatuation. You are ignoring the fact that girls who work in the bars are in it for the money. Nobody forces them to work there. Undoubtedly a young inexperienced male like you will fall “in love” with a lady from the bar. It has been said many times, and this is not a Hillary original, but you can take a girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.
(This letter came in Thai language, so I have translated it for you, gentle reader.) All the time the foreigner complains about Thai ladies from bar. Thai ladies have plenty complain about foreigner too. Come to bar, think they own everything, want boom-boom, but not want to pay lady. Now no customers so Mamasan say lady go home, but with what? No money to go home. No money to send to Mama, and foreigner think he now can do anything. Foreigner think not need pay. We need pay too.
(I replied in Thai language to her, but here is a shortened version of my reply in English.) I understand your problems, but unfortunately we all have problems from time to time, and especially right now in the low season. There are not enough rooms being filled in the hotels, so staff have to be laid off, and those staff are used to sending money home to Mama also. There’s no ‘easy money’ like there used to be. Just try to be the best in whatever job you choose, and you won’t get laid off.
You’d think that these bar girls would realize that this is a very, very low season, so just like everyone else they have to be prepared to lower their prices. They may be gorgeous, but are they thick or something?
As well as being insulting, it shows that Nok (the letter above yours) does have a genuine complaint. “Lower their prices” for what, Eddie, my sweet petunia. Possibly for putting up with people like you, Eddie? Are you gorgeous?
I have a Thai GF - I think. Took her home a couple of times and she was a good fun babe, but the next I know she’s on the doorstep with an overnight bag. I just let her move in, I suppose, and over the next week a bundle of outfits were in the wardrobe and make-up in the bathroom. I was saving money on bar fines, but then she needed money for this and that, and the food she eats, which nobody in their right mind could possible stomach. Next she’s saying she doesn’t want me going out at night, and wants more money, and now there’s the big pout if I do something I want to do which doesn’t involve her. With the World Cup coming up I want to watch the channels I want, not Thai soaps or ghost movies. What’s the next move, Hillary?
The next move depends upon whether you want her to stay, or go. To me, it looks like the relationship isn’t based on much other than a couple of sweaty nights rolling in the hay and a saving on bar fines. Not good enough for a lasting relationship, my Petal. Don’t lead her up the garden path any more. Time to be brave and tell her it’s over. A sweetener in the form of some folding money will help the smooth transition, so be prepared for that. Everything is possible in Pattaya - but it costs money, my Petal.
I have a real problem, which I hope you can help me with. Even if you can’t, then just by publishing this letter it may help, because the people who are producing this problem do not seem to know it exists but I know they read your column! Let me explain, dear Hillary. Everyone I know around me seems to have no idea of what time is about. Meetings that are supposed to last for two hours drag on for three because the people in the meeting can’t get there on time. You make an appointment to go to lunch or dinner and the other person shows up an hour late. You go to an appointment and get there on time to find the person you are meeting hasn’t come back to the office yet because they were late for the earlier meeting they were going to. If I did precious little all day it would be fine, but I have plenty of things to do and sitting twiddling my thumbs isn’t one of them. What do you suggest Hillary?
Dear Tempus Fugit,
You have my sympathies. Watches are cheap and plentiful in this country, but the ability to actually tell the time seems to have been lost by many of the locals. I used to have a friend who was woefully late everywhere. After putting up with his terminal tardiness I invited him to dinner at a restaurant at 7.30. When he had not shown up by 7.45 I ordered my meal and by the time he arrived, full of apologies as usual at 8.30, I had finished my meal. I left him the “Check Bin” and went home immediately. He has never been late since. What I suggest is that when appointments are made you stress the fact that you will be on time and will wait 15 minutes only - and do it! But lots of luck, Petal!
My Thai GF wants me to go with her up country to meet her parents. We have been together for almost a year, but I do not want to go, as I’m not convinced the relationship will really last, the girl wants lots of time with the girlfriends coming home all hours and I think she might be ‘working’ if you know what I mean. How do I tell her I’m not going? I don’t want to be rude to her folks, but it’s not on as far as I’m concerned.
It’s easy, my Petal. You just say, “Sorry, but I’m not going up country.” Then you leave it like that. However, never mind the trip to see her folks, I can see you have a huge problem with your relationship with your GF. You need to get all your doubts out of the way before going further down the relationship pathway. In fact, I’d probably recommend you run backwards down the relationship highway, Petal.