Thursday, 13 August 2015 12:47

Are you hot and desirable?

Dear Hillary,

Further to old chaps being ripped off by the younger and smarter ladies. The old coots with poor eyesight think they are “hot desirable stuff” however, and arrive off the plane a few bricks short of a full mental foundation.



Dear Rob,

I think you are being unkind, but I love the “full mental foundation” concept. However, what are these older gentlemen leaving behind? A council flat where they are in the minority group? Weather that defies logical choice. Who wants to freeze to death in winter? And the “old coots” as you call them don’t think they are “hot desirable stuff”, but the clever young girls make them think that way. Some of my sisters are very good at separating a man from his millions even better than the Ufun scandal.

Thursday, 13 August 2015 12:43

Can I believe her?

Dear Hillary,

I came to Thailand for a two week holiday and met a young girl, as you do. We got along well, so I paid for her company up till the day before I left. That was when she started ringing me up and asking to see me, saying she was in love with me. Even if she couldn’t be with me for my last night she wanted to come and see me before the taxi picked me up. I felt bad about this but all my mates told me to forget about her, but I kept on answering her calls, but the mates stopped me from giving in, but I still felt bad about it all. What do you think I should have done? Mike


Dear Mike,

You forgot where you met this young lady who fell madly in love with you after 10 days. You paid for her company, my Petal. It was a business arrangement, not a matrimonial contract. By making you feel indebted to her, she was much more likely to extract even more money from you, which is why she wanted the face to face meeting, even on that last morning, you never know what you can get, even if it is just what is left in your wallet. You don’t say how old you are, but you are obviously a babe compared to the lady from the bar. What should you have done? Just what you did do, and that was to cut the relationship once the period of hire was completed. It was a short-time holiday romance, and a paid one at that. Next time you come over, you will hopefully be more mature, more wise and keep a tight hold on your wallet.

Wednesday, 05 August 2015 14:38

Don the Stalker

Dear Hillary,

I stalked your work place and, when you emerged, agreed, you are indeed a “sight that makes eyes sore.” Not so good at typing but think I got the thought right! You were the one in heels with the beard, right?



Dear Don,

So you are the one we had to get the security to throw out of the office, and I hope the arm wasn’t fractured, but you did carry on a bit. I can vouch for the fact that none of the staff have a beard, though some do need a shave, I will agree. I don’t know who you mistook for me, as I was away all week at an Agony Aunt conference in Bangkok. However, instead of banning you from the area, I have informed security that you can be let in as long as you are carrying a nice cold bottle of Veuve Clicquot. But if VC is too expensive for you, then even a half decent Prosecco will at least get your leg in the door.

Wednesday, 05 August 2015 14:32

Ripped off department

Dear Hillary,

Further to some of your correspondent’s woes with Thai females. No need to be confused it’s happened to all of us at one time or another. This week’s word is “Back Dooring.” As one walks out the front there is someone waiting out back.

Here are some other things to look out for:

Your girlfriend phones and tells you she is in Bangkok, when in fact she is at Naklua with her German lover.

Arriving late for work? She was stopped by police who will keep her m/bike until she pays a fine. You pay for me teerak?

You give her the money and she adds it to the wad she has made for the afternoon’s “short times”.

These women know their time is short so they must make a nest egg before they lose their looks. Some say they live from day to day and spend all their money, but be assured Mom is getting her share and when the time comes to quit, there will be a piece of land and a house waiting for them in Buriram.

Thai logic is not like ours and you will be forever confused by it, so lay back and enjoy life here and keep the key to the back door in a safe place. (No you jerk, not in your wallet.)



Dear Brian,

You have certainly been around, haven’t you, my Petal, and I thank you for helping educate some of the newbies. But you shouldn’t be too hard on our ladies of the night. They have chosen that line of business, and remember that it can be a business to do pleasure with you, or some similar quotation.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015 13:15

A warning

Dear Hillary,

I think foreigners should read “Only 13” to get a clear understanding of what these girls’ mindsets may be. I am not saying there are not great girls out there, but this girl is scary and perhaps western men should get a clue.



Dear Peter,

Yes I know the book and have read it. As you say, she is quite ‘scary’, but what you have to remember is not all Thai girls are like her, with psychotic tendencies. Another book I recommend is Stephen Leather’s Private Dancer where the girl is perfectly sane, but out to get whatever she can. Do I get the feeling that you’ve had a bad experience recently?

Wednesday, 29 July 2015 13:11

Where do you buy a tin helmet?

Dear Hillary,

Over here we are being told that Thailand is not safe, there’s a military coup, soldiers everywhere, not allowed to have more than five people together at one time. It sounds like the Balkans. What has happened to the Land of Smiles?



Dear Roger,

I don’t know where you are getting your information from, but it is wrong, wrong, wrong. We are not walking around in flak jackets and tin hats. I haven’t seen a soldier for weeks, and you wouldn’t know there was an army appointed government if you didn’t read the newspapers. Thailand is better than it has been for quite some time. But don’t take my word for it, my Petal, just come over and see for yourself. Hotels will never be cheaper than they are right now, caused by the financial problems in the world. Nothing to do with the Thai economy, which is in good shape. Tell you what – come over and you can buy me a coffee and you will see just how cheap everything is here.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015 13:06

Try an older lady

Dear Hillary,

I do get tired of reading about all these people who complain they have been ripped off by Thai women. My first Thai wife and I had a wonderful relationship which only ended after 10 years when she died. My second Thai wife has just been so loving and caring. She was a friend of my previous wife and she knew the sad story, but was there to support me. The men who write in to you, Hillary, should start to look at older women and not these flirty young gold diggers they see in the bars.



Dear William,

It always pleases me to get emails like yours. You are correct that Thai women can be the most supportive women on earth. You are a very lucky man William, who looked beyond the beer bars.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015 13:05

Eating as a SE Asian games event

Dear Hillary,

My Thai GF no sooner finishes eating than she’s ready to go again. She’s as thin as a rake, but eats all the time. Her mates are all just the same, finish one round and they’re ready for the next. It gets me, I go out after the third course. What’s the secret, Hillary?



Dear Wondering,

Is that “wondering” or “wandering” I wonder? What do you do between courses four and five? No, Petal, eating is more than just a meal for your Thai GF, it is a very social time when friends can get together and share the food. That can occur at any time of day or night, but the food they eat, such as the favorite som tam is not high in sugar and calories, so that’s why your GF remains thin. The chilli also hurries the food through the system. As the TV program warns “Don’t try this at home!” The real som tum can be far too spicy for foreigners.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015 13:02

5,000 baht vision of loveliness

Dear Hillary,

I need your advice urgently, Hillary my Petal! I know I should have known better, after all I am not new to this country, but there I was at my usual bar and met this vision of loveliness. She spoke very little English but seems like a very genuine person and we got along just fine. She comes from Udon Thani, but that’s about all I managed to find out about her after about four hours and several “lady drinks”. The biggest problem was only that she doesn’t speak much English, but we got by OK. By the end of the night I was pretty drunk and I ended up lending her 5000 baht, which she was going to return three days later. It’s now a week later and I haven’t heard from her. What should I do? Should I go back to the bar and ask for my money? Should I keep going, or should I give up now before I get in too deep?



Dear Nelson,

You’ve got the telescope to the blind eye. Haven’t you! After four hours of lady drinks you give this “vision of loveliness” 5,000 baht. How were you communicating with your vision? It wasn’t English, according to you, so I presume it must have been in Braille. That is 5,000 baht you will never see again. But look at it this way – there is a very grateful buffalo up there in Udon Thani, thinking about you. And by the way, I am not your Petal, Petal!

Wednesday, 22 July 2015 14:05

Lady needs a ‘facial’

Dear Hillary,

Do all Thai women feel they can’t move in with you because other people might talk about them, and they would lose face? Quite happy about the idea of moving in, but can’t because “nice” Thai women don’t do that. We go to ST rooms, everything good, but no overnighters. Got me bluffed.



Dear George,

You have met up with an ordinary Thai woman, for whom ‘face’, or how they are seen by others, is important. As you have experienced, “concepts” are not a problem, it is just the here and now that she is wary of. It will take much time and persuasion for her to risk her face. Look for another my Petal. This one is too difficult for you, I’m afraid.

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