One guy I know has just lost about everything, other than the clothes he stands up in, to what we all thought was the sweetest Thai girl you’d ever meet. They were married for 12 years and had two kids but she was cheating on him for the last couple of years. He believed in her so much, he ignored all the warning signs like staying out “with the girls” until four in the morning. He left her a couple of times but she always got him back by promises she would be faithful but that was just more lies. Now he’s divorced and potless, the divorce lawyers taking anything that was left after she took everything she could grab that wasn’t too hot or too heavy.
There are always two sides to any argument/discussion or divorce court. You have been getting one side only from a man who is looking for sympathies and another beer. The court finding for the woman is the same all over the western world. Ask any UK citizen, American, Australian or European and they will all say the same. Marriages made in Heaven can turn into divorces made in Hell. Just be a friend to him and get him out of his igloo or wherever he lives these days, but don’t be surprised when he does it all again!
The wife of a friend (sort of business acquaintance) is making it obvious that she would like to have an affair with me. Sends me messages to say where she is at any time, and do I have any free time to meet with her? This has been going on for a couple of months and now she is having dinner parties at her home and inviting me to come along, and even supplies a partner for me, though these are always her friends and they don’t get near me when she’s around. It is a good business we are in, and I don’t want to spoil that. Any ideas Hillary?
Looks to me like you want to keep your cake and eat it as well. You are in charge of the situation here, not her. She is saying there is an opportunity, but that is all. What happens from now is up to you, my Petal, but the best thing you can do is run. Very fast!
I have come over here on holiday from the UK and I am shocked by what I see here, going on night and day. I can put up with the endless beer bars with young women trying to get people to sit down and drink. I can put up with the fact there are gogo bars with women displaying their bodies as some sort of tourist attraction, but I cannot put up with the way old foreign men walk around with barely teenage Thai girls hanging on to their arm. They all have such smug looks on their faces with a ‘Look at me, aren’t I clever’ expression. Don’t they know, or doesn’t anybody tell them that they are just being taken for a ride? They’re not clever. It’s disgusting.
Mona from Manchester
Dear Mona from Manchester,
When you say “They all have such smug looks on their faces with a ‘Look at me, aren’t I clever’ expression” are you referring to the old foreign men, or the barely teenage girls, Petal? Honestly Mona, this can be applied to both of them. They are smiling because they have found themselves in a situation which is good for both of them. The young girls have found a financial ‘sponsor’, whilst the old foreign men have found themselves a gorgeous young companion who will take care of their every need (until the money runs out). They know what the name of the game is, Petal. So what is so wrong with it? It is a win-win situation, so no need to be shocked. Can a ‘man from Manchester’ get a deal like that back home in the UK? No, he’s more likely to get a moaner.
Saw another living dead expat this morning with two young lovelies, one each side, keeping him upright walking down the street. I didn’t follow them to see where they were going, but if you guess the ATM machine, I’m sure you won’t be far wrong. Should we feel sorry for these old blokes being ripped off by these girls? Or should we be sorry for the girls?
Read the letter above yours. The only person I feel sorry for is you, Petal. The old expat isn’t complaining, the two girls aren’t complaining, so what are you doing in this scenario? If you are going to call it a “crime”, then it is a victimless one, can’t you see that? In actual fact it is a win-win-win (as there’s three people) situation. He has two sexy “nurses” looking after him and the two girls get a nice old gentleman looking after their needs (I know it is financial). So what is wrong with that? Looks to me that you are more than just a little jealous.
Why do some of your readers want to pick a fight with you? You are doing your best and if they don’t like your advice they start complaining. Don’t these people know this is an entertainment page? Even so, your advice is pretty well on the mark.
Aren’t you just the sweetest man. But, Petal, I don’t let silly people worry me, especially when I know there are readers out there who understand what this column is about. These are readers with real problems, looking for confidential advice. Thank you for your support.
People forget when they are calling Thai women names, that cheating happens all over the world, not just in Thailand. How many who claim that they were cheated upon didn’t cheat themselves too? How does it go about throwing the first stone? I reckon that if you get cheated on you either forgive or take a walk. I did both – forgave her first time but she did it again, so then I took a walk. Should have done it the first time, I suppose, but we had been married for five years, and I thought everything was OK. Lost a heap of money, but you can’t live with a cheater I reckon these days. Should I try again with a new woman, Hillary?
You are still hurting, aren’t you. Are you sure you didn’t throw the first stone? It does sound as if you have finally made up your mind, so I hope it works out for you. You were obviously not happy where you were, but take your time in finding another lady for your life. They say a house is the most expensive thing you will ever buy in your lifetime, but it isn’t – it’s a wife, Petal. Tread carefully.
I never thought I would have to write to someone like you, but I’m here from the UK to look after my old father (he’s almost 80) and is, I thought, living on his own in Pattaya. When I spoke to him from England I got the impression that he was still pining for my late mother who died just over 12 months ago, but when I got here that seems to be nothing like the true situation. I find that he is going to girly bars at night and I have seen them fondling him in a most indiscreet manner. It’s worse than that, because he often brings one of them home. What can he possibly do at his age? Do you agree that a man of his age (and a retired civil engineer too) should not be handling himself in this way? I find it disgusting, and my mother would be horrified if she knew just what depravity he is up to now she has passed on. I would like your advice on how I get him to stop this sort of thing, as I am sure you will be just as disgusted at this type of behavior being shown by someone who used to be a loving husband to my late mother and father to me. My mother used to handle him OK until she got sick. Is it a medical problem, do you think?
No my dear, it is not a medical problem, it is a daughter problem. However, I do not understand your saying that he has been “handling himself in this way” when in the sentence before you give me to believe that he is being more than adequately handled by others! You should be pleased that your 80 year old father is still showing signs of life and share in his enjoyment of it. Life is for living, no matter what age you are. Time for you to lighten up, Petal. If your father is not asking to be looked after in a ‘wifely’ way, you should not presume to do it. If you want to do something for your father in a constructive fashion get him a medical check up and a packet of Vitamin V if he is medically fit enough, though it sounds like he is more than up to it already.
My girlfriend and I live in an apartment in town. We have a good relationship except for the fact she keeps losing the keys and mobile phone. This is very annoying, how can I stop her doing this?
Have you ever considered the fact that your girlfriend is losing keys and telephones as a subconscious way of expressing her lack of satisfaction with the relationship or simply as a device to annoy you? It is very difficult, if not impossible to change someone else’s behavior, unless you change your own behavior first. I suggest you change the way you respond to her. One quick fix is to either don’t let her see that it annoys you or simply don’t speak to her for days every time she loses things. The best way though is to “Give her the monkey and let her feed it.” This is a Thai expression for allowing her to take the consequence of her own actions. It might work.
I met a beautiful tall girl in a bar whose family buffalo was very well, her brother doesn’t ride motorbikes and her mother is in A1 health. What should I look out for as the next step?
Check the Adam’s apple.
One of the older women at work seems to have taken a shine to me, stops to chat at my desk and has told me that she is not married and does not have a Thai boyfriend. I see her every day and joking I said we should go out one afternoon for some fun. She always says “next year”, and it has been left at that. Today she asked me what I was doing on Saturday or Sunday and I said I was busy. She then floored me by saying, “OK, next week,” and I think she meant it, not like her “next years”. How do I find out what she meant? Should I go ahead and say a day next week? If she doesn’t really mean it, would I embarrass her? Have I put my foot right in it?
This lady has been giving you all the hints that any mature man should recognize. I read that she is an older woman, and I think you must be a younger man, or at least someone who is not very worldly wise. If you want to go out with her one afternoon for fun (as you put it), then just agree on a day. If she doesn’t really mean it, then she will give you an excuse as to why it is not possible. Lighten up, my Petal. Just enjoy life as it comes, and remember that old wines in old bottles can be better than new wines in new bottles.