A widower’s first steps towards a life style of enjoyment

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Dear Hillary,

I am in my 70’s and have been a widower for five years.  I think it is time I moved on and began to enjoy myself again, but here’s the problem – who with?  In the UK where I have been all my life, any “available” woman is a widow, with tons of baggage and they are not looking to be part of a relationship, they just want a man to take care of them.  I’m probably looking at the same thing from the other side of the coin, I suppose.  I have a friend who emigrated to Thailand and now has a young Thai wife who does look after him, and he says I should come over there and forget the UK.  I got given your address by him and he suggested I talk to you as well.

Fred

Dear Fred,

You sound like a lovely genuine man, so I hope I can give you the right answers here.  Please do come over, but just come for a two week holiday.  So much happens in this country, that you could easily fall into some of the traps round here for single pensioners (I presume you are a pensioner, Petal).  You will find that your friend will most likely take you to one of the bars, where a beautiful young thing will leap on your lap and ask for a “lady drink” and by the evening will be stuck to you like glue.  That does not mean she thinks you are UK’s answer to Brad Pitt, but that she has the feeling that your wallet needs emptying, and she is the one who can help you with that problem!  Sure!  Enjoy her company, but remember it is just play-acting, that is her “job” to keep old men happy, so keep your wits about you!  After three months, come back and get to know the culture a little better, and get to know some of the more senior expats who can also give you advice.  Unfortunately it is easy to lose money here, if you don’t know your way around!  Go slowly and carefully, Fred and contact me again when you come over.  Best of luck.

  • Robert

    Fred, if “barhopping” is not your scene (and I hope for your sake it is not) and you would like to meet some quality ladies who work for a living outside that industry job google “Thailand Guru” and review the huge amount of information available about the country. Yes, it takes time to meet someone who is not a pole dancer. It also takes effort to avoid being personally shallow. You can also visit Pattaya City Expats Club (Sunday Morning) which can be googled to talk to other locals about life and living here. Consider that your friend with the young wife “looking after him” may really be quite lonely for a chum and that is why he would like to have you come. He has got a wife, but does he have a “relationship?” That is what you said you wanted and a fit 70 year old is in his prime today. You and I are much older than Hillary (sorry to disagree with you on this Petal) and we have both “loved and lost” and a wise man knows to seek a comfortable companion who will make them happy rather than “just a pretty face doing her job.” I would suggest that you come to Thailand as I have happily lived here five years, but I would also say you should visit other parts of the country, avoid the bar scene and stay longer. The flight times are long enough to make two weeks painful and surely you can afford a longer visit. Visit “Hua Hin” and certainly “Chaing Mai” as well as Pattaya and spend at least a month with us if not two, but keep moving Buddy! Don’t commit to anything! All three of these places have good hospitals/doctors important to consider for us “young at heart” guys. (Avoid Bangkok other than day trips or a night or two. There are no ambulances and gridlock for traffic!)

  • Jerry Miller

    Fred,
    I too was a widower and after 7 years found the same in my own country with the ladies there carrying so much baggage that I decided to expand the search for a life partner. I was very lucky to connect with a lady that owned an internet shop in Pattaya and WAS NOT a bar girl. Needless to say we met, love happened and we have celebrated 11 years of wedded bliss. All the comments Robert made are spot on and have faith there is a lady here in Thailand that can make you very happy. Always remember though that a HUGH age difference no matter how nice can be step one toward disaster. My present wife is 10 years younger then me and was 50 when I married her. I have never regretted it.

  • Kev

    Lets cut to the chase here…Fred there are tens of thousands of prostitutes here waiting for you bring loads of money its partey time…or so you think you will be robbed one way or the other, the partey will be ruined it may even cost you your life but hey better than feeling sorry for yourself back in ‘Blighty’
    you will never know until you try…good luck Petal