A weighty problem

Friday, 23 September 2011 From Issue Vol. XIX No. 38 By  Hillary

Dear Hillary,

I am obsessed with fat women, the bigger the better (size 16 and better).  This makes for a problem as Thai ladies are all so small (size 8) that I am getting frustrated on a daily basis.  I’m not interested in these thin ones, so I’m lonely.  What should I do?  Keep looking for a suitable girlfriend who’s a bit on the hefty side (I am 36 stone)?

Avoirdupois

Dear Avoirdupois,

You certainly do have a problem, my fat Petal.  That problem is yours, at 228 kg.  You’re lonely not because all the local ladies are size 8, but because what size 8 wants to go out with 228 kg?  Face it, you are being rejected by them, not the other way round.  The way I see it, you have two choices - keep looking for a size 16 lady - slimming clubs would be a good place to start, or start slimming yourself and get down to about half of your current weight and find a nice accommodating size 8.  However, if your problem comes from too much chocolate, just send the unopened chocolate bars over to the Pattaya Mail office, clearly marked “For Hillary and nobody else!”

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