Dear Mr Hillary,
Because I suspect you (sic) possibly an Aussie male. Have you thought about taking a holiday back to your country of origin, possibly for at least ten years, I feel that you have been here for far to long and reading many of your responses in your letters, it’s begining (sic) to affect your judgement (sic) and like many Farangs that live here, you really are losing the plot old boy, Ive (sic) seen this condition many times here. ive (sic) been living here off and on for twenty years, but as Kiplin (sic) said east is east, west is west never the twain shall be (sic), you may like to ponder a little on that one. It’s a shame that your column does nt (sic) discuss some positive Topics on Thailand instead of all the falang Bar bull… stories that give the girls working hard in the bars to support their families a bad name it really is that simple something one day you may like to explain to your correspondents, as I say your (sic) probably an aussie (sic) and myself being English and very cultured you will probably not catch my drift Old Boy.
Yours in the real world
Ron, Phuket Thailand
Dear Ron,
As you can see, I did not print your entire name, just in case I embarrassed you. Despite the English culture that you are so proud of, you made 10 elementary mistakes, writing in your native tongue and all. Thank you for wanting me to have a holiday, but I’m sorry, Australia is not my country of origin, though I have visited there, so you got it wrong (again). However, I have also visited England a few times to brush up on my English. And Italy and Fiji, if that helps.
By the way, if you wish to quote someone famous to back up your argument, no matter how thin and weak, the least you could do is to get the name correct. It is Rudyard Kipling, and his ‘Ballad of East and West’ is the poem by Kipling that was first published in 1889. Its first line is often quoted (as you attempted to), sometimes as an example of attitudes to ethnicity; but those who quote it thus often completely miss the third and fourth lines (as you obviously have). And just for you, Ron my English Rose, here is the poem in full, since I am sure you have never read it:
“Oh, East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God’s great Judgment Seat;
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face, though they come from the ends of the earth!”
As you can see, what Kipling wrote was not as you have tried to show. You may like to ponder a little on that one! Kipling was showing that it makes no difference where one comes from, when the “two strong men stand face to face.”
Just in case your “culture” misses some of the important mistakes, when making a contraction of “you are”, it is “you’re”, and “I have” is written “I’ve”, and it is spelled “beginning” and “judgment”. I won’t go on, you can look the others up by yourself, in between being irrationally smug.
