Snap Shots: The Man on the Moon controversy

by Harry Flashman

If you are into old, historical cameras, there’s twelve I know of that you can pick up for free! The cameras are Hasselblads, and were commissioned by the US government, and typical of the wasteful throw-away society of today, they just left them when they’d finished. Discarded like an empty Coke can.

There’s only one catch, these Hasselblads were left on the moon! However, with the advent of space travel being just around the corner, someone is going to get themselves a bargain, so it may as well be you. And don’t think that you’re too old for the trip, as the Americans successfully sent John Glenn up into space again at the ripe old age of 77 years. And brought him back again!

They took the cameras up into space, much the same as we take them on family picnics. The concept was to record what life was like for our early space travelers and in fact some of these images were artistically so good that they became a photography exhibition that toured the world in 1984.

The cameras they used on the space missions were closely related to the motor driven Hasselblad ELM, and were actually made by the Hasselblad Company in their research facility in Gothenburg. By the way, I do not follow the lunacy (nice word when we are talking about moon landings) that the Americans faked the whole thing, and it was shot in the Nevada desert. Nor do I believe that Bill Gates is going to send me $500 for sending emails to one thousand people, or similar hair-brained claims.

When NASA began to look at the logistics involved in the moon landings, and the fact that they would like a photo or two for posterity, they began to design their own ‘moon’ camera, which began to look like a Hasselblad ELM. Rather than totally reinvent the wheel, Hasselblad was contacted and the Hasselblad engineers began modifying ELM’s to be suitable for a walk in space, and on the moon.

At the camera factory in Gothenburg a design and research group was set up solely to modify and develop cameras for NASA. At its peak, six people were employed full time to work for NASA and its requirements.

While the camera looks very similar to an ELM of 35 years ago, many features in the ELM were dispensed with, to simplify the use in the weightlessness of the moon’s atmosphere, and the fact that the astronauts would be wearing bulky suits with built-in gloves, so small ‘fiddly’ controls were out of the question.

Mechanical modifications were also made. The mirror and secondary shutter were removed and the focusing screen for the reflex viewfinder was replaced with an opaque plate. Certain shutter functions were unnecessary because the lens would remain stopped down between shots. As a result the mechanism that opened the shutter on cocking could also be removed.

The specifications for the moon camera were finally settled in September 1968. The removable back system used by Hasselblad was retained, and Kodak was commissioned to produce extremely thin film, so that around 200 shots could be recorded on one roll in the camera back.

A completely new lens was designed by Carl Zeiss. This lens would have a maximum aperture of f/5.6 and a focal length of 60 mm. At that stage it was unknown what would happen to the optical characteristics of a lens, operating in a vacuum, and much testing ensued on earth first! Naturally it had to exhibit minimal radial and tangential distortion. These were to be scientific cameras, remember, not just “Here we are on the moon” cameras.

The design was not complete until February 1969, and the finished cameras for the Apollo 11 space mission were delivered by Hasselblad on 1 March 1969, six months after the specifications were detailed.

The astronauts practiced with the cameras on earth (which perhaps gave the notion of the conspiracy theory), because there was no focusing screen, and they had to become adept at literally “pointing and shooting”, there being no way that they could ‘frame up’ the pictures either. That they got so many good photographs is quite remarkable.

with Andrew Watson

This is the time of year that traditionally, teachers despise and some students dread. In the wake of examinations, whilst the clear blue water of the vacation is in sight but not yet in reach, there is the onerous task of marking, followed by report writing.

If you can tell a great deal about someone from their library (or lack of it) or perhaps by the contents of their fridge, you can tell a great deal about a school by the quality of their student reports. At the end of the school year, when tempers can be frayed and fuses short, it takes a great deal of professionalism to summon the energy to write sometimes hundreds of reports (my record is 327) which do credit to the student, parent and teacher.

Just as there exists an apparently infinite number of types of school, so there is an extraordinary range of reporting styles. But, what should a parent and student look for in such a document and what, I would like to conjecture, should teachers be expected to write?

I think presentation makes an enormous difference. From a school’s point of view, a report amounts to a prospectus. It is that important. Professionally bound, well-written, coherent documents on high quality paper, provide parents with reassurance even before they have read its contents.

Equally, loose, irregularly assorted pieces of small paper with evidence of correction fluid and photocopying, betray a reporting system beset by a culture of taking short cuts.

Then there is the quality of the writing. How demeaning it must be for a fee payer to read a series of generic comments, bereft of any acknowledgement of the person within the student. Surely, you are paying, at the very least, for a personal response?

Of course, many teachers who pluck generic comments from a database resent the very idea of spending what amounts to a considerable amount of time thinking about “little Issy” who might very well have been a veritable pain in the neck all year. They will reject the suggestion that professionalism demands a personal touch, on the grounds that writing reports of this nature eats into their weekends and evenings

Actually, in the past, I have overheard (hilariously) resentment at having to use their “free periods” for report writing (too much personal admin to attend to, I suppose?). When else do you think you’re going to do it?

As for me, I cannot write generic comments. I find it anathema. When I sit down to write reports, I think about two things. Firstly, I think deeply about the student. Secondly, I think about the parents/guardians and what they will think and feel when they read what I have written.

In being critical, compassionate and honest, I believe that I am imbuing the report with the integrity that such an important document deserves. The amount of time it takes me to write them is not a factor. Indeed, a stack of reports represents an opportunity to manage time well.

Looking at the big picture, an international school teacher is required to work something in the region of 180 days a year. On this basis, I see every reason why a teacher should commit themselves to evenings and weekends on the small number of occasions that it becomes necessary. Call it vocational; call it a professional calling, but I say, “Let’s just do a great job on this”.

I heard of one school, which encouraged the use of generic comments, damned expressive language and ridiculed the use of any “long words” whilst simultaneously discouraging staff from writing ‘too much’.

When I have reorganized and upgraded report systems, I have done the opposite. Give the teacher a chance to express themselves! Let their personalities shine through! I think it is terribly patronizing and ignorant to assume that your readers won’t understand what you have written. After all, we are in the business of education so let’s Learn to Live to Learn!

I would advise parents to inquire after the school reporting system, its presentation, its regularity and its detail. You can ask to see an examplar. Can you tell from reading the report what your child has studied at school during the year? It would seem bizarre not to include such obvious information.

In overhauling one reporting system, the first thing I included that had previously been absent was the IBO Mission statement. That seemed a pretty obvious thing to do, actually, considering the Mission statement was supposed to be at the centre of all the teaching! You’ll learn a lot just from the cover.

In my best experiences of schools, teachers have actually enjoyed reading each other’s comments, in an almost festive celebration of the end of the school year. It’s a huge team effort, but an essential one.

Here’s an anecdote to end: my mother (bless her) once came to a parent’s evening following an annual reporting session, to find out why I had not received an Art report (I was taking ‘A’ level Art). When she approached my teacher, a wonderfully kind, queeny old boy from Camberwell, he saw her coming, “Good evening, Dr Watson. How wonderful to see you! What can I do for you?” My mother never had any reason to enjoy this kind of evening and this experience was to prove no exception. “I’d like to know how Andrew is getting on at Art. He didn’t receive a report”. The old boy didn’t bat an eyelid and replied quite innocently, “Oh, he’s doing Art, is he?” For students out there fearing the worst, don’t worry. I’ve been there.

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Next week: Holidays!

Dear Hillary,
My regular partners clean their teeth, shower and then hop into bed, but not this one. She takes ages under the shower washing off the last traces of perspiration left over from her strenuous chrome pole dancing activities. After towelling herself dry, she commences her moisturising routine.
First, she combs a thick liquid mousse into her waist length hair, massaging it into each strand with her fingertips. Then she applies a generous layer of heavy night cream to her face, throat and neck. This is followed by an application of baby oil that she slops all over her body. Next her fingers and toes are smeared with a large dollop of green, gooey grease, her lips are then smothered in vaseline and finally she applies a rich, oily eye cream. She then literally slides into bed. She is so greasy I’m surprised that her freckles haven’t slipped off.
Should I tell her that I don’t like sleeping next to a soggy sponge or, should I just hang her out to drip dry?
Mighty Mouse
Dear Mighty Mouse,
Have you no shame, Petal? Running around with all these women! It was the road sweeper last week and some other poor hopeful the week before that. Where did this slippery siren come from? From one of the chrome pole palaces it seems, complete with the entire contents of the local beauty salon. However, it appears that once again I have to save the show for you. What I suggest is that you help with the baby oiling and green greasing and see where it goes from there, and other than the fact that you will end up with greasy paws, you could score quite well, and the oil should stop your squeaking.
Dear Hillary,
I caught my boss’s wife out with some of her friends at a boys club bar. They were drinking and having a great time it seemed. I am kicking myself that I didn’t take some photographs, but do you think I should tell her husband, my boss, about this even without the hard evidence?
The Detective
Dear Detective,
It sounds to me more like you are a blackmailer, rather than a detective, my Petal. A few questions from Hillary first: to begin with, why were you there at the boy’s club? Are you hiding something too? If you enjoy your job, and the monthly salary, I would forget about being Vinnie Calvino or Mickey Spillane, and just remember that you saw nothing, that’s a good boy!
Dear Hillary,
I was standing at the urinal in a hotel the other evening, and looked over and saw a very important Thai person at the urinal alongside mine. What is the correct thing to do under these circumstances? Should I wai or salute?
Willy
Dear Willy,
You must be kidding. The correct protocol is to look away. Definitely do not wai unless you want to end up peeing in his pocket.
Dear Hillary,
Why is it that some of the tourists that come over to Thailand become ugly fat, pawing, groping drunks. You can find them in any bar in any town in Thailand, and most of them seem to come from English speaking countries. It does the local scene no good, and doesn’t do much for them either. Do you know why, wise Hillary?
Drunken Bums
Dear Drunken Bums,
Yes, of course I know why, Petal. It’s because they are ugly, fat pawing, groping drunks at home, but probably their wives kept a tight leash on them. They don’t change when they come here (and some don’t change their shirts either, judging by the smell), but our more free and easy scene in the bars means they can give vent to their animalistic desires. As long as they pay for it, in the fee-for-service point of sale bars, they get away with it. There is no hope for people like that, but unfortunately all inexpensive tourist cities get them. That goes for other countries as well as Thailand. The good news is they only come over here for three weeks. The bad news is that they come back again next year!
Dear Hillary,
I have been a non-smoker for five years, so I do not smoke cigarettes these days, but I am getting tired of people saying, “Do you mind if I smoke?” and then just lighting up as if it were their ‘right’ to do so. I don’t like it, I don’t like the smell of smoke in my hair and clothes. How do you stop this?
Anti-smoking Aunty
Dear Anti-smoking Aunty,
There is much you can do. When the smoker drops the “Do you mind if I smoke?” into the conversation, you have to come straight back by saying, “Actually I do mind. It gives me very bad sinus and I don’t like the smell in my clothes. I’m sure there’s an area outside for smokers. Thank you. I am sure you will understand.” You have not been rude, as the smoker had not been rude either by just lighting up without asking, but you will have firmly stated your position, and given the smoker a face-saving alternative.