As Valentine’s Day approaches, hopeful lovers are in full
swing once again, finding ways to make the best impression on their darlings.
Malls will be full of rosy sweetie candy colored memorabilia
to woo their rosy sweetie candy but otherwise blue-eyed customers.
And, Walking Street will become “Walk of Love” for three
days and three nights?! Give mE a BrEAk!
Well, all is fine and dandy, as far as fine and dandy goes,
except most people do not realize the aftershocks from over expectation of
This is when one realizes shortly after, that the church on
walking street was not so white, the dreamy eyed lover was actually drug-stoned
on Prozac, and the Ice cupid does not last long in this heat.
Reading “Dear Hillary” in Pattaya Mail one can see a
clearer picture of this.
“Dear Hillary, why is it that just when you think you are
on top of things, whammo, along comes something to knock you right down again.
Everything was going fine, had a nice girl, money in the bank and whammo! Girl
gone, money gone. This is not the first time it’s happened either. What do I
do to stop being bitten again?”
Needless to say how Hillary gave that poor man in question a
bashing for his stupidity and how he should have been immune to such natural
disasters by now.
But what I’m concerned here is not of the old pass-wind
elbow benders, it is of the broken hearted rookies.
I’ve had friends crying on my shoulders and knees, on both
sides. Children of friends, friends of children, relatives, neighbors,
strangers, and weirdos, you name it.
For each person, the pain is real and enormous. It is as if
the world is coming to an end.
It would be inconsiderate to say, “you’ll get over it”,
“time heals all”, “it’s a lesson in life”, “if crying helps, do it,
but not too loud, and not on my new shirt”, or “leave me alone”
One can only offer an ear, if on the phone, and both ears,
Some suggestions can be carefully conveyed to deal with such
depressions, especially during depressing Valentine’s Day when EVERYTHING
kills them. Here are some useful advice you can give:
Before, during, and after Valentine’s Day:
-Do not walk pass by any pier, if it will remind you of how
you once used to walk along it, sharing loving words in the breeze, swatting
mosquito for each other.
-Do not go to the beaches if it will remind you of how you
used to cuddle up on the sand, spending hours counting the stars in the Orion.
-Do not visit any bar you went with your loved one where you
shared a bottle of beer and stale pop corns together.
-Do not go dancing either. Songs like “Simply the Best”
and “YMCA” may tear you apart with memories
-Avoid Italian restaurants. Everything that used to be
romantic will turn out to be depressing. From erotic paintings by Chagall, to
the holy paintings from the Vatican City, to the house music “Sorrento”, to
the bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil on the table. (I always believed that you
are either virgin or you are not, but extra virgin? Touched before the very
-Do not stay home. Too many reminders. Poetic books, wooden
camels, cocktail stirring sticks of heart shape and umbrella, teddy bear, Andre
Rieu, all scattered around to give you nightmares
-Do not check your email so you will not know that nobody
-Do not go Kara-o-ke-ing. Every song with the word “love”
and “miss you” will break you
-Do not visit friends. They are out with their Valentines
-Do not call them at home either, because you will only be
leaving messages on a machine that says, “This is Romeo, Sorry I cannot answer
your call right now. I’m out with my Juliet. Leave your message and I’ll
call you back around Christmas. If it’s urgent call my mobile phone.
-Do not call their mobile phone after you receive a message
like that. You will only hear “Sorry, the number you are dialing does not want
to be connected”, or “Sorry, the number you are dialing had planned to be
out of reach, leave them alone, loser!”
So what can a poor soul do on a sadistic Valentine’s Day?
Sit down and write your heart out to Hillary. Then before you
even think of sending the mail to her, go out and buy a box of chocs and a
bottle of cham. This will guarantee a minimum bashing from her.
Have a Happy Valentine’s Day!