Dear Hillary,
When I first met my husband about 10 years ago, he was fit
and trim and one of the best amateur athletes in our small
city in England. He played in a local football league, and
was one of the best scorers on his team. He also had a good
job (still does), which recently brought us to Thailand. For
the past two years we’ve been based here in Thailand,
and I’ve noticed a big change come over him. Although he
still works hard, when he is home he has become absolutely
lazy. All he ever wants to do is sit around the house and
watch football. He watches UBC, Star TV, even the local
channels, even though he can’t speak Thai and all the
commentary is in Thai. He has become an absolute addict.
Sometimes he invites friends over, which I don’t mind,
but it occasionally gets out of hand with all the beer
drinking and singing and trashing up the house.
What bothers me the most,
though, is that he has let himself go. He has become
overweight, and I don’t mean just a little bulge around
the middle. He is now downright fat. Now, I still love him,
but the problem is that I am no longer sexually attracted to
him. When he takes his clothes off to get into bed, I
honestly cannot bear to look at him as I remember what he
used to look like. Am I being vain in putting too much
emphasis on looks? I mean, it shouldn’t matter, because
he is still a good provider for our family, but I just
don’t like having this beached whale on top of me. In
the past, our love making has always been very good for me,
tender, sharing the moment, and until recently I never had
trouble reaching orgasm. But now, I can’t get even a
little bit excited. It concerns me because I feel like
I’m facing a long life without sexual gratification. It
also bothers me because I don’t think I should feel this
way. What should I do?
Unsatisfied
Dear Unsatisfied,
You’ve obviously got to ‘get on top’ of this
situation right away. Your husband’s seeming
non-interest in sex is merely a symptom. There may be many
causes. You don’t state your husband’s age, but
this could be one contributing factor. There is also the
climate change. Some people tire more easily in hot weather
than others. If you and your husband came from a cold
climate, this could be another reason. You say that he was a
very good amateur athlete in your home country. Does he have
a peer group with which he can engage in sports here?
He also may be dissatisfied
with his job and be dealing with it by just ‘turning
off’ when he comes home. Unfortunately, you are
adversely affected by this ‘turn off’ by being
turned off to him.
As your husband’s
‘get up and go’ ‘got up and went’ it is
time for revitalization. There are sports and recreational
activities such as golf and tennis which you could play with
your husband. Doing this would be good for both of you. If
you show some interest in doing things with your husband, you
could help him get back into shape, both physically and
sexually.
If your husband played a
lot of sports at home, he naturally had a large group of
friends. Even though he has you, your husband is probably
missing his buddies. Male bonding is a mystery to most women
but is a very necessary part of a man’s life. Try to be
understanding. From what you’ve written, it sounds like
your husband doesn’t feel very good about himself
either.
Presented by
Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital
by Dr. Iain
Corness
Of all the “new”
viral infections, Hepatitis C is one of the fastest growing
in the world. It is very contagious - in fact ten times more
so than HIV for example.
When I say it is new, I mean
it. Hep C was only positively identified in 1989. Before then
we referred to “strange” cases of hepatitis as
“non-A non-B” hepatitis. Of course there is also D,
E and F and probably a whole Alphabet full which we
haven’t identified yet.
We are still unsure of all the
exact ways you can get Hep C, but we do know that by far the
vast majority of cases comes from a blood to blood
transmission. And the commonest way this occurs is the
dreadful habit of sharing needles for intra-venous drug
abuse. After that there is unhygienic tattooing and body
piercing, blood transfusions before 1990 and exposure to
infected blood after a penetrating injury.
The problem with Hep C is that
not only can you get an acute liver inflammation with
jaundice and feeling generally unwell, but around half the
cases will degenerate into a chronic, long term inflammation
called chronic hepatitis. In turn, that chronic condition may
lead to cirrhosis of the liver and even cancer.
Although we are unable to be
totally specific about the ways you can acquire Hep C, we are
not completely ignorant about the disease process. The first
point to be aware of is that Hep C is not a Sexually
Transmitted Disease (STD). Sharing glasses, towels, cups and
plates does not spread the virus, nor does hugging or
kissing.
There is a chance that a Hep C
positive mother can transmit the virus to her unborn baby,
and this is around 5% (or 1 child in 20). If the mother is
very severely infected with the virus, then there is more
chance of this type of transmission.
We also do have some forms of
treatment for this insidious illness, the principal one being
a drug called Interferon. Unfortunately, Iterferon is highly
expensive and has some severe side effects, so much so that
many people will not complete the course (generally between 6
and 12 months). There is also a need to avoid alcohol as the
combination of the virus and alcoholic liver disease is
potentially more lethal.
Anyone who has a history of
blood transfusion before 1990, tattoos, having shared needles
or body piercing should be aware of the Hep C situation and
tests are available to see if you are harbouring the virus.
By Leslie
Wright
Nowadays more and more
expatriate employees are on short-term or open-ended
contracts. The days of long-term contracts or permanent,
pensionable employment seem to have disappeared in the name
of corporate efficiency and expediency.
In many cases, contracts can
be terminated at any time, almost without notice - especially
if your employer’s infrastructure project has been
shelved as a result of the economic situation over the past
year.
This makes planning for your
future that much harder.
But it also means you should
give even greater consideration to your short-term financial
planning, just in case...
All too often I meet people
who have been earning very good money on short-term contracts
who have nothing to show for it, except a few hazy memories
or holiday snapshots.
Important
Considerations
Most people on short-term
employment contracts are earning considerably more than they
spend, and should be putting this excess income to work for
them effectively while they have the opportunity.
However, one of the most
important criteria to bear in mind when considering
investments nowadays - especially for those who don’t
know where they will be in a couple of years’ time, or
whether they will even have a good-paying job then - is
flexibility.
By this I mean asking yourself
(or your financial advisor, if you have one) several
important questions about any investment you might be
considering.
First, how easily could you
access your money if necessary? After all, if you were
suddenly out of work, or had to seek employment elsewhere,
you’d need some cash to tide you over, wouldn’t
you?
Second, what penalties (if
any) might you suffer if you had to do so?
Certain types of investment
instruments carry quite heavy penalties if you stop them
early or want to take your money out.
Even a time deposit at the
local bank carries penalties: you generally lose all the
interest if you withdraw your money before the contracted
maturity date.
This aspect should be clearly
understood before committing to any investment program -
especially a long-term savings plan.
Third, could you access your
money anywhere you might need it - in another country, for
instance?
Nowadays people working for
multinational corporations can be shifted around the globe at
a moment’s notice - and may not have time to rearrange
their investments if these are tied up locally. Bureaucratic
procedures and exchange control can cause delays, additional
costs, or even prevent you getting at your capital
altogether.
Fourth, could you continue
your investment plans if you move elsewhere?
For instance, say you had
started up a regular savings plan, and then had to move to
another country for one reason or another. Would you be able
to continue contributing into this plan, or be forced to
suspend it - perhaps because of local exchange control
regulations, or the high cost of bank transfers, or various
other reasons - and perhaps suffer penalties for so doing,
and certainly not achieve the target for which the plan was
set up in the first place?
Fifth, must any contributions
you make into your investment plans remain fixed, or could
you increase or decrease them as your circumstances change?
What benefits or penalties might apply to doing so? (This is
especially relevant whilst living in a high-inflation area,
where savings should be increased in line with rising income,
to offset the erosionary effects of inflation.)
These aspects of sound
financial planning should be considered before entering into
any investment scheme, whether it be a bank deposit, a
lump-sum investment, or a regular savings program.
Professional
Advice
If in doubt, seek professional
advice. Ask your financial advisor these same questions about
any investment program that is proposed to you, and ensure
you receive clear and unequivocal answers.
Then ask yourself whether your
financial advisor addressed these points adequately, in order
to give you the best objective advice in making
recommendations that will be to your benefit.
Or, as is unfortunately
sometimes the case, did he simply try to “sell” you
a plan that would be to his or his firm’s benefit, but
doesn’t quite suit your needs or address your particular
circumstances. (Did he even ask about your needs &
circumstances before making such recommendations?)
If in doubt about the answers
you receive, get a second opinion.
With so many investment plans
on offer nowadays from so many internationally-recognised
firms, client-orientated financial advisors should be in a
position to offer their clients a virtually “ideal
fit” to match their particular needs and circumstances,
and address the various “what if” factors of
flexibility.
The problem is that some
advisors are “tied” - that is, their firms are not
truly independent, or are not in a position to offer a wide
range of investment options from a number of competing
institutions. They have brokerage or agency agreements with
only one or two, and tend all too often to promote the
vehicles that return them the most brokerage fees or
commission, rather than recommend to their clients the
investment vehicles that would be the most cost-effective or
most appropriate for that client’s particular
circumstances.
Comparing
Alternatives
It is, in my opinion,
perfectly in order to ask your financial advisor what
alternative vehicles are available, and how these compare
with his principal recommendations.
Although it is an important
part of a professional advisor’s function to identify
and recommend to you the investment vehicle that is most
appropriate for your unique needs and circumstances (just as
it is your doctor’s function to prescribe the best
treatment for whatever ails you once this has been
identified), he should nevertheless be able to justify his
recommendations to you in a compare-and-contrast exercise
against alternative investment vehicles, and have a good
knowledge of these - just as a good doctor will have
knowledge of alternative treatments that may be more costly
or less effective than that he has prescribed for the
particular case in hand.
It is worth bearing in mind
that not necessarily is the “cheapest” alternative
the most cost-effective.
Nor, indeed, is the most
cost-effective vehicle the most appropriate for all given
circumstances.
For instance, there is
generally a trade-off between cost and flexibility.
A bank deposit, for example,
will typically offer you a higher rate of interest if you
agree to keep your capital on deposit, rather than have
instant access to it through a passbook or ATM card. That is,
you give up accessibility in favour of a higher return.
If you want to withdraw your
money, you can; but you pay a heft penalty for this right, by
foregoing the interest.
There’s
always a trade-off
Most savings plans work on a
similar basis. If you make a long-term commitment with your
eyes open, but later want to get at your accumulated savings
before the maturity date, you will probably suffer a penalty
or loss of bonuses.
Some such plans levy higher
up-front charges, but allow a greater degree of relatively
inexpensive accessibility down the road; others spread their
charges throughout the term of a plan, so accessing the
capital “early” can be relatively more expensive,
but less so the closer you come to the selected maturity
date. Again, there’s a trade-off.
If you require total
accessibility and total flexibility with one of these plans,
you will probably have to forego the bonuses and increased
allocations which accompany the longer-term plans, but which
don’t accompany most of the short-term, open-ended
plans.
Also, the minimum amount
accepted into these various schemes differs, and affects the
charges that are applied.
Generally, the more you can
afford to put in, the lower the entry & exit costs.
But again, there’s a
trade-off. Totally flexible, open-ended plans generally have
substantially higher investment thresholds (the minimum
amounts accepted into them) than the more rigidly structured
longer-term plans.
In other words, you can’t
necessarily have your cake and eat it.
On the other hand, if
you’re able to keep to your commitment in a long-term
plan, the charging structure of the more cost-effective plans
on the market tends to favour long-term savers over
short-term ones or those requiring greater flexibility and/or
accessibility.
So, if you are reasonably sure
you can ignore some or all of the flexibility factors, you
may well be able to get a “better deal” in taking
out one or another of the longer-term plans.
Otherwise, and especially if
you can afford to save more substantial amounts from your
high-earning short-term contract, it would be wisest to keep
your options open and ensure you have a high degree of
flexibility built into your investment planning.
If you have any comments or
queries on this article, or about other topics concerning
investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money,
Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail
him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be
accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.
Leslie Wright is Managing
Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a
firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to
expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal
financial planning and international investments.