COLUMNS

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Winebibbers Grapevine
 
Heart to Heart with Hillary
    
Modern Medicine: Conjunctivitis
 
Family Money: Investing Capital

Winebibber’s Grapevine

Safe in your hands
A Pattaya farang who lost the only key to his 20 year old floor safe summoned three locksmiths, all of whom failed to crack it. One jammed a skeleton key in the lock, another unsuccessfully twiddled the knobs for an hour and the third suggested a visit to a hypnotist might cause him to remember where he had lost the key in the first place. Finally, his neighbor examined the problem and offered to do the job for 1,000 baht using only a pen knife. He then proceeded to upend the steel monstrosity to cut through a cardboard bottom which was stamped, "For Emergency Use Only".

Money talks
Cultural differences continue to plague Thai - farang interaction. A human relations consultant from Bradford who picked up a girl in a Pattayaland nitery told her he almost had not bothered to get into conversation as she was obviously very timid and shy for she had been unable to look him straight in the eyes. "Why couldn’t you look at me in the face when I smiled at you?" he asked. "There’s no point," replied the damsel, "because I know your wallet will be lower down."

Fine fare
Amongst Pattaya’s many excellent Thai restaurants, don’t forget to visit the Somsak on Soi One in North Pattaya. Set in a traditional Thai house setting, Somsak offers the best in Thai cooking. Their tod man khung, shrimp cakes, are a delicious meal in themselves and the menu is one of the most extensive in the resort. The coconut ice cream comes in a fresh shell and, unusually, there is an extensive list of main course choices for vegetarians. Separate parking for both motorbikes and cars. Busy at weekends as it is favored by the Bangkok in crowd.

More about visas
Some confusion amongst inbibers in Pattaya bars about the difference between twelve months’ visas and twelve months’ availability visas. Visas which last for a year, without your needing to leave the country, are normally restricted to retirees and certain categories of work permit holders and are granted at the discretion of the Immigration Bureau. Twelve months availability visas are multiple entry non immigrant visas, obtained abroad, which allow you to come and go as you please within one year from the date of issue. No one entry can get you more than 180 days, with extensions, so you will need to leave Thailand after six months at the latest.

Computerized cars
Overheard in the Thistle. "If Microsoft built cars, you would have to buy a new model every time the lines on the road were repainted."

Travel news
If you are a Royal Orchid Plus member with at least 25,555 miles, you have until September 30 to bid for a luxurious week at Amari hotels in Chiang Mai or Phuket. Included in the bonus package is a seat in executive (business) class which can be taken any time from October to April... Some good deals to Europe right now with seven airlines, including Swissair, promoting return tickets from Bangkok for 25,000 baht and a choice of a hundred destinations. Travel must be completed by mid December. Your travel agent should have the details... You would not expect Cambodia to be a popular destination right now and it isn’t. Farangs returning from visa runs say the best policy in Phnom Penh is to hire a chauffeured limousine at night and keep to well lighted streets.

Pattaya misunderstandings
A farang resident of Suksabai Villa this week found his gorgeous new car had been repainted several shades of orange after the handyman misunderstood an instruction to paint the porch. A twenty year old Southampton girl has complained to hospital authorities after a doctor said to her "Big Breasts", but a high powered inquiry revealed he had actually said "Big Breaths". A tourist caused mayhem in the travel agency when he tried to book a flight to Pepsi Cola which, after exhaustive searches of the computer, turned out to be Pensacola.

Chemistry lesson
From a reader. Element: Woman. Symbol: Wo. Atomic Weight: 120. Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Turns slightly green when placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Credit this
An English guy was signing the receipt for his card purchase at a leading Pattaya superstore when the checkout clerk noticed he had not signed his name on the back of his Visa. She informed him that she could not complete the transaction as the card was not signed. The guy asked why to be informed that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature on the receipt. So he signed the credit card in front of her. After carefully comparing the two signatures, she told him that everything was OK as the two signatures matched. Lucky for him.

Back to Columns Headline Index

Dear Hillary,
We moved to Thailand about six months ago. We have a son, 17, who is in high school. Ever since moving to Pattaya, we have been very worried about him getting a sexually transmitted disease. There is so much prostitution in Pattaya and the risk of HIV is so great here. We would miss him terribly but think it might be better if he went back to our home in the US to live with his aunt and uncle. How do we keep him away from all the sexual temptation here?

Worried Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,
There is no way a parent can keep a 17 year old ‘from sexual temptation’, in any country. HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases are not only native to Thailand.
As your son is 17, this means he was born in the year that the HIV virus was discovered. I hope you have been educating him on caution and protection.
Sending him home would not ‘keep him away from temptation’. It could even have the opposite effect. Talk to your son openly about your concerns. There is no substitute for parents who care.

Best Wishes
Hillary

Dear Hillary,
We have a scrumptious, ‘El Cheapo’ buffet breakfast at our restaurant in Pattaya. Lately, I’ve noticed some of our customers surreptitiously stuffing bread, hard boiled eggs and even sausages in their pockets and purses.
Of course we allow them to eat like pigs on the premises, but we are not the world food bank!
In New York, an economy-size, gum-chewing union waitress would have rattled their beads, good!
Most of these customers are Czech or Russian nationals and feign incomprehension when I try to talk to them. Some even become aggressive.
Yesterday, one babushka tried to strangle me with her scarf!
Hillary, how do I stop these Slavic steam shovels?

Desperate.

Dear Desperate,
Believe me, you are not the only one to suffer from the collapse of communism.
A hotel owner in Bangkok discovered his Polish guests bathing at the water cooler, as they thought the tap water would dissolve their skin. I can only think of three solutions.
One would be to raise your prices, which might lose you customers that you wish to keep.
The second is to play a lot of songs by Mariah Carey. This little git has beautiful voice, but her songs would dampen anyone’s appetite. The Slavs may eat anything, but they do have taste in music. All else failing, start chewing gum and rattle their beads, good!

Have a nice day!
Hillary

Back to Columns Headline Index

  Modern Medicine: Conjunctivitis

Presented by Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital

by Dr. Iain Corness

How many people have you met recently wearing sunglasses at night? Unless they were doing Ray Charles impersonations, I think you will find they had red painful eyes.

This condition, generally called "Conjunctivitis", is caused by infecting organisms, and the little blighters are extremely agile. They can leap over your nose and infect the other eye, and can also jump into your next door neighbours eyes as well. These little chaps are extremely contagious.

All degrees of infection may occur, and infect the different areas of the eyes, eye lids, etc. We medical folk do give them different names, like "Scleritis", "Blephoritis", etc., but we are really talking about the same thing - red painful eyes, with the eyelids often stuck together in the mornings, lots of gluggy stuff coming out and you feel miserable with it. The condition spares no-one, adults, children, the aged. Everyone can get it.

Generally, with good nursing care and hygiene, the condition will settle in a couple of days, but the important factor to remember is just how contagious the condition really is. Scrupulous hand washing after looking at or dealing with anyone with the condition is a must. Good old soap and water and a nail scrubbing brush is the answer. Whilst I will jokingly talk about the high jumping abilities of the bug, in reality most of the cross infection comes from rubbing the infected eye, then rubbing the good eye. Or rubbing the infected eye, shaking hands with someone else who then rubs their eyes. Or even sharing reading glasses with another person. In an outbreak of conjunctivitis you have to imagine you are a surgeon going in to the operating theatre. Scrub, scrub, scrub!

With children, gently clean the eye lids and eye lashes with clean warm water and use lots of cotton balls, lots of water and lots of sympathy. If needed, gently irrigate the eyes with "Normal Saline" solution (available at pharmacies and used by contact lens wearers) and be prepared to do this every few hours. Advise the patient not to rub their eyes, no-matter how great the temptation!

Provided the condition settles in the ensuing 24 hours, then just keep up the nursing care. If however, it is not, then an appointment with your doctor is necessary. Eyes are very delicate organs and "self medication" is not to be recommended! See the picture? Neglect eye conditions and you won’t be seeing any pictures! And don’t rub!

Back to Columns Headline Index

  Family Money: Investing Capital

By Leslie Wright

The biggest dilemma facing every potential investor with more than a modest amount of capital is where to place their hard-earned money.

Everybody wants their investments to produce a reasonable return, and at the same time limit the risk of potential loss that accompanies every type of investment.

The greater the potential return you expect, the greater the degree of risk you usually have to accept.

But is that always true?

The answer in fact is no.

In recent weeks, this column has addressed the risk & return from various types of traditional investment - cash deposits, property, bonds and equities.

Many investors I meet professionally tend to have concentrated their assets into one or two asset classes which they think they understand and feel comfortable with - property in their home country, or a few ‘blue chip’ stocks in a market they’re familiar with and can follow, or a bank deposit earning low interest in hard currency, or earning higher interest in a potentially unstable currency (as has alas been all too evident in the past year) - and ignore the rest.

Often these investors do very well indeed for a year or three, and speak proudly of the gains they have made unassisted by professional advisors.

All too often, however, these same investors suffer a substantial setback when their chosen market turns against them, which it will naturally tend to do as the normal business cycle progresses.

Such losses are rarely admitted over the dinner table.

The balancing act

Putting together a mix of different asset classes can reduce the overall risk of a portfolio invested heavily in only one or two asset classes, because when one asset type is gaining, another quite often moves in the opposite direction.

This mix is referred to as "balancing the portfolio", and it can be a daunting task even for professionals, because one never knows for sure where the various markets are headed.

Even the best fund managers and professional portfolio managers can only make educated guesses based on their experience and expertise, and try to limit the downside in case they have guessed wrong.

Spreading your holdings across more than one market tends to reduce the risk further, inasmuch as few markets move exactly parallel to each other (although movements in one very often influence others, especially in the short-term - as we have seen recently.)

However, while this balancing act reduces the risk of the overall portfolio losing money, it usually also tends to reduce the overall potential gain.

It also requires a considerable devotion of time in monitoring the performance of each of these diversified holdings, plus having access to the information required to make objective judgments as to when to move out of one market and into another (and we’re not talking about opinions aired on last night’s TV news or this morning’s newspaper!)

Most investors have neither the access to this specialized information nor the time to devote to managing their investments, let alone the amounts of capital required to construct a truly diversified portfolio of direct investments.

Private banking services

Many investors - especially those with substantial sums of capital - avail themselves of the professional portfolio management services offered by private client divisions of international banks and other financial institutions.

However, these services have traditionally only been available for investors looking to place at least US$500,000 with such an institution.

Also, most such services see their task as managing risk more than producing high growth - and indeed, this is what many millionaires are looking for. They require a steady, modest return on their investment without the risk of losing any of their capital!

That’s okay if you happen to live in a low-inflation area, or the annual gains from your capital well exceed your annual expenditure.

But how about investors with less than this amount of capital, or who for one reason or another are looking for higher gains than the quite modest performance usually returned by most banks’ private client investment services?

Indeed, is there another way to add potential gain while actually reducing risk at the same time?

Well, actually there is.

Difficult Decisions

Take a moment to consider how you would invest, say, $100,000 today.

You may start with some stocks, perhaps in Europe or the U.S. (if you believe it hasn’t yet peaked) or maybe the Far East (if you believe these markets have bottomed out and are set to recover soon.) You may then invest in a basket of international bonds and leave the balance in cash for security.

Not that difficult you may think. But, just as you put the phone down after giving your broker instructions on your portfolio, you hear on the TV that the U.S. stock market (which accounts for about 45% of total world stock market value) has dropped suddenly from its all-time high after racing ahead again this year. The U.K. and Europe had also been doing very well, up until the Russian story broke.

"Am I buying at the top?" you ask yourself. "What happens if this is more than just a correction caused by profit taking or sentiment?"

And if interest rates were to be raised to curb economies that are forging ahead, what will be the effect on bonds?

You call your broker to cancel your orders and tell him to leave it all in cash. "Ah," you sigh. "At last I can relax... Cash is secure..."

But then you begin to consider what if the markets slow down and interest rates are lowered to re-stimulate the economy? Bonds will then perform better than cash - so shouldn’t you increase your exposure to bonds and reduce your hard-currency cash deposits?

And what happens if you stay in a mix of cash and bonds (just to be on the safe side) only to see the major stock markets bounce back on fundamental strength after the froth has dispersed and the sentiment-driven fears have been dispelled (as a number of analysts believe is currently the case), to produce another excellent year?

And what about the currency of your cash holdings? Cash is safe, isn’t it? (Try telling that to the Japanese, Indonesians, Malays, etc.)

And what about the new European currency unit, the Euro? What effect will its introduction have on the value of Sterling, which some feel is due for a correction and has been maintained at its high level against the Dollar this year by concerns in Europe about the Euro?

Not so easy after all, is it?

So instead of fretting about it, maybe you’ll decide simply to buy a nice piece of property in a nice safe locale... but on which you’re likely to see a net return after taxes, maintenance, insurance, agents’ fees, etcetera, of probably only about the same as your cash would have earned on time deposit, yet with much less flexibility - as so many property owners have learned to their regret over the past decade...

The Problem of a Traditional Portfolio

A traditional balanced investment portfolio will contain stocks, bonds and cash. Anyone who has held some mutual funds or unit trusts will, no doubt, have had this sort of portfolio.

From August 1996 to July 1997, a ‘balanced’ portfolio made up solely of global stocks, bonds and cash would have produced what most would consider very good returns of around 18% in US Dollar terms.

Having adjusted to market conditions when the Asian crisis hit last year, a selected portfolio overweight in European, U.K. and U.S. equities (the only equity markets this portfolio manager has recommended to clients in 1998) with a ‘balancing’ portion of bonds and cash would have produced around 22% over the past 12 months.

Afraid of a crash?

The current fear of many investors who are over-exposed to stock markets is the threat of a severe correction or crash.

For long-term investors this is not such an issue. Although stock markets do indeed go through short-term ups and downs, the long-term trend has always been upwards. In general, over time, equities outperform bonds, which outperform cash, and by quite a significant margin.

In the short term, however, investors might have to weather the storm, and it could be quite a bumpy ride. The threat is one of volatility. The higher stock prices rise as they have done this year, the greater the threat.

So we come back to the same question: how can we make money in the coming 12 months without taking on undue risk?

One way is by incorporating into your portfolio an element of what are known as ‘alternative’ investments.

Such investments are not co-related to stock market movements, and are therefore largely unaffected by stock market volatility.

Next week we’ll look at some examples of this type of investments.

(To be continued)

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

Back to Columns Headline Index

Updated every Friday
E-mail: [email protected]
Copyright 1998 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand 
Created by Andy Gombaz
, assisted by Chinnaporn Sungwanlek.