Pattaya Mail — Columns

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
 
Winebibbers Grapevine
 
Dolf Riks: The nutmeg and the tragedy of Banda
 
Heart to Heart with Hillary (Advice column)
 
Thai Idiom: Jaap
 
Family Money: Retirement Capital: How much is enough?
 
Modern Medicine
 
Health & Nutrition Facts: You with cholesterol? A fat chance!
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Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Death head
Exchange between a lawyer and a pathologist at a recent autopsy hearing concerning a murdered man. Lawyer, "Did you check the patient’s pulse before beginning your examination?" Pathologist, "No." Lawyer, "Did you check for breathing then?" Pathologist, "No." Lawyer, "So how can you be sure the man was really dead?" Pathologist, "Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk."

Genuine complaint
South Manchester tourist Vera Longstaff caused a sensation at the complaints counter of a leading Pattaya superstore this week. She produced an opened packet of You Won’t Believe It margarine and wanted a refund on the grounds that the spread tasted too much like butter. "I’m sick and tired of being cheated in this town," she exploded in front of bewildered staff. She failed to get her money back after the manager noticed that the container was past its sell-by date.

Amazing airport
What’s the difference between terminal one and two at Bangkok airport? At terminal two’s service counters, the minimum price for a taxi ride into the town center is 500 baht for an economy car and 650 for a limousine. The charge to Pattaya is respectively 1500 and 2250 baht. But you may well be told that no economy car is available at the moment Now we know why a huge notice in the arrivals hall says, "First Impressions Count!" Indeed they do.

Computer literate
A couple of remarks overheard at a Pattaya induction session for new Internet subscribers. 1. "We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the E Mail, we know this not to be true." 2. "If you find hardware or software in stock, then you know it’s obsolete."

Lengthy smoking
Pattaya’s well intentioned attempts to reduce cigarette smoking in public places are still misfiring. A girl was seen in a Beach Road bar inhaling on a foot long holder. An inquisitive tourist finally plucked up courage to ask her why. "My boyfriend is doctor," she replied, "and he tell me to stay as far away as possible from cigarettes."

Hello caller
From instructions posted in a Phnom Penh hotel. "To speak to a guest in another room, please follow these rules: 1st floor - add 250 to the room number and dial. 2nd, 3rd and 4th floors - dial the number required. 5th floor - subtract 250 from the room number and dial, e.g. to contact room 510, dial 260, except for room 542 whose number is 294."

Follow the ball
Even holiday golfers in Pattaya for a short period should consider enrolling as a member of Pattaya Sports Club. The savings on green fees in the area, outside of public holidays and weekends, can be very substantial. For details, call at Café Kronborg in Soi Diana Inn, off the Second Road. You don’t need to be introduced by an existing member. To save time, take with you two photographs, if possible smaller than the normal passport size.

Jaws: another sequel
Intrepid explorers of the Orient, Tom and Mavis Wetherby from Macclesfield, thought Pattaya to be "reet grand". On their last day of paradise, they paid a visit to the Crocodile Farm. "Tha sees them crocs sat ont rocks," said the husband, "Well, they use ‘em to make reet good quality shoes." "Amazing," replied the wife, "It makes tha wonder what they’ll train ‘em to do next."

Hunt for bargains
With the depressing and continuing slide in the baht, expect foreign imports to double in price from last summer. But there are still excellent bargains around whilst stocks last. Friendship supermarket, the Chinese temple style building on Pattaya Tai Road, still has Jacob’s sweet and plain biscuits at 36 baht (150g) and Cracker Barrel cheese at 92 baht (250g).

Hi tech Russians
Pattaya’s tourist police received a shock this week when a computer mad couple from Moscow turned up and listed a complaint at the Second Road headquarters. They said they had been driving around all day but had failed to find the "Pattaya Website". Officers had to point out it moves round a lot.

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Dolf Riks: The nutmeg and the tragedy of Banda

One of the most deplorable manifestations of Dutch commercial colonialism in Indonesia was the enforced monopoly and cultivation of the nutmeg tree on the small islands of the Banda archipelago in Eastern Indonesia. This group of islands is situated about one hundred nautical miles south of the large island of Seram and about one hundred fifty nautical miles south-east of Ambon, the capital of the Moluccas (a nautical mile is 1852 m or 1.85 Km).

The people of Banda’s doom was caused by the fact that the islands were native to the nutmeg tree (Myristica Fragrance. Fam. Myristicaceae). The nut in its hard shell is known as the "nutmeg" and after treatment, the orange aril around it is sold as "Mace". The pulp of the actual fruit is often sliced, candied and sold on the streets of the Indonesian towns. It is known as "Pala Manis" or sweet nutmeg, or eaten fresh with chilli sauce. As a child in that part of the world, when I was carsick on the winding roads in the mountains of North Sulawesi, we used to stop along the way through the mountains and the driver would pick a nutmeg fruit from one of the tress growing alongside the road and give it to me to eat as a remedy. It did not help very much and I recall and it had a wry, slightly sour taste. Nutmeg is a soporific and too much of it is poisonous.

After having been trading the nutmeg with other Indonesian traders, like the Buginese, a sea-going people from southern Sulawesi and Kalimantan, and also the Chinese, for hundred of years (the spice reached Europe as far back as the thirteen century or even earlier), the Portuguese arrived on the roads of Bandaneira in the early sixteenth century. According to Mochtar Lubis, the famous Indonesian author and journalist, the Portuguese had no problem dealing with the Bandanese, a mixture of many different Indonesian people. This was probably because they were not as zealous in their efforts to establish a nutmeg monopoly, as the Dutch were many years later. Other sources say that the islanders were a troublesome lot, constantly fighting civil wars, indulging in head hunting and other unsavoury practices. They even became involved in the wars the Portuguese waged with other peoples in the Moluccan Archipelago, like the Hitoes, a warlike tribe from Ambon and surrounding islands.

The first Dutch ship, under the command of Admiral Jacob van Heemskerk, arrived in the archipelago in 1602 or 1603 and van Heemskerk mentions in his reports the difficulties he had dealing with the Bandanese. He found them unreliable, and tricky. The weights were tampered with, the quality of the nutmegs and mace was below standard and nobody kept to the terms of the contracts he made with the dealers.

In 1605 Wolfert Harmenszoon en Steven van der Hagen managed to make more permanent contracts with the Bandanese which practically covered all the islands of the archipelago. Again nobody seemed to pay attention to the terms of these documents and in 1609 a fleet under the command of Admiral Verhoeff with a personal letter from prince Maurits of Orange the sovereign of Holland and Zeeland. The demand was that, because of the repeated violations of the terms of the contract, a fort would be built on the island. The Bandanese agreed with this, obviously impressed by the might displayed by the fleet, but during the construction of the fort, Verhoeff and his men were invited for new negotiations and during these talks the whole retinue of 46 was treacherously slaughtered, including the admiral. One of the witnesses of this massacre was a young trader called Jan Pieterszoon Coen, a man of strong character, who was destined to become one of the most prominent Governor Generals of the Indies.

Of course the enraged Dutch took revenge and almost everything on Bandaneira was destroyed. New contracts of peace and friendship were signed under duress and the sovereignty of the Dutch over Bandaneira, as well as the "protection" for the other islands, were agreed upon.

Photo: The old Fort.

In following years the situation stayed very much the same as before, which was not only the fault of the natives but also of the English Portuguese and Buginese smugglers. The above mentioned Jan Peterszoon Coen became the Governor General in 1618 and as soon as he had a free hand in the new founded town of Batavia, he organised an expedition to the islands, and he even invited the English with whom he had a peace pact, to join him. They politely declined with a lame excuse, which was just as well with Coen, but being no friends of the Dutch and with an eager eye on the islands themselves, they managed to warn the Bandanese and even supply them with weapons.

In 1621 an ugly full scale war was the result of this expedition and at the end practically all the males on the islands were either slaughtered or they had fled to other islands in the Moluccas. As it was officially the policy of the "De Heeren Zeventien", the directors of the Dutch East India Company, to act with leniency in the new trading territories, the news of the massacre, once it reached Holland, was received with horror. After a while complacency and greed made them forget the incident and Coen was not disciplined even though there were many complaints about the ruthlessness of the said gentleman.

With the extinction of the male populace of the island the Dutch had to look for new labour for their plantations and to meet the demand they imported slaves and a work force from other islands. They also offered a so-called "Perk" or plot of land with nutmeg trees to old faithful employees of the Company as long as they delivered the harvest to the same. This mixture became the new population of the Banda Islands. Some of those so called "Perkeniers became very rich and a kind of "aristocracy" with strict social taboos and class distinction was the result. In the eighteenth century, the nutmeg was smuggled out of the country and planted elsewhere, for instance in the West Indies. It needs a rich volcanic soil to flourish. The monopoly had slowly lost its power and since then the "Perkeniers", all intermarried with local women, had to lower their living standards and many looked for fortunes elsewhere. I believe that the last "Perkenier" died a couple of years ago.

Nutmeg, as may be expected, is extremely important in Dutch cooking, it is used in soups, sauces for vegetables, mashed potatoes, sweets, cakes and drinks. It is also a popular spice in other countries in Europe - especially in Italy - and the Middle East. It goes well with cheese, spinach and mutton. Interesting is that apart from the above-mentioned "Pala Manis", Nutmeg is not a popular spice in Indonesia outside the Moluccan archipelago and then only used is a few dishes.

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Dear Hillary,
I recently returned from a nice vacation to Thailand, mainly Pattaya. There I met a nice 20 year old bar girl, who unlike other bar girls, was calm and not pushy. Which I liked. We stayed together for a wonderful 11 days and money was never an issue as usually is the case with the girls. She really seemed to get more and more fond of me as a person. Affectionate hugging with tears in her eyes, saying she didn’t want to leave me in the end. Knowing the manipulative behaviour of the girls to catch the heart of the men they meet (i.e. their money) in any way possible, didn’t seem to be the case with this girl. I really tried to study her behaviour and feelings without her knowing, to find any signs of fake affection. Being a subjective as possible, I found none; she really seemed to like me very much. Having had a few broken heart situations before with girls, have taught me a few lessons and given me a bit experience. Now that I’m back home in Europe, I can’t stop thinking of her. I call her, I write to her. She claims that she just recently moved to Pattaya, two months ago. Another person close to her confirmed this to me. I want her to come and visit me. Maybe live together. If it wouldn’t work, then she would go back after a few months.

My question to you Hillary is: how much can I trust her? What should I do? She’s unlike all the other bar girls I’ve met. Her and my affectionate feelings are mutual, I’m almost sure. She writes me letters. Is this yet again another classic case of a Farang tourist whose heart has been manipulated by a girl, which in this case deserves 8 Oscars for the role of ‘best female actress’? Other girls before have eventually after some time failed and I have seen through their scam. Not in this case. My good old friend who was with me on this trip, said he was also baffled by the sincere and true behaviour of my girl. Is this a rare case of true affection?

This is a long letter, lots of thoughts, questions - over to you Hillary.

Should I go for it?

Dear Should I Go For It,
I believe you did already! Since you’ve made up your mind, believing that your girl is so much unlike all the other bar girls, it would be useless to tell you the opposite. Still, I’d like to give you some advice concerning your questions. First of all, do you really think 11 days together with a person is enough to find out about her true feelings? To be able to trust a person completely, much more time is required. Thai bar girls are renowned for their personal affection, very unlike Western prostitutes - it’s simply the friendly way of any Thai person. Within 11 days it is very hard to find out signs of fake affection, especially when you were a paying customer. You believe that money was never the issue - how come you could take her with you in the first place? She’s told you she has only stayed in Pattaya for two months, and if this is true, her English is probably not that good. Still she writes letters to you. Do you really believe she’s writing them alone? You also must be aware, up-country girls coming to Pattaya are much nicer in their behaviour at first stage before turning into the same as all the others.

It may be that you are a very lucky person and you have found yourself a diamond in midst a lot of sand. The only way to find out if this girl is ‘genuine’ and not just another Oscar winner is come back by surprise and find out what she is doing when you are not around. Just listening to a person who is close to her or to your baffled good old friend might not be enough to find out the truth. You also could take her to your home country and live with her for a while. Three months or so should make you see clearly. One more tip: Find out before buying property in her name or giving her everything you still possess.

Since you have had a few broken heart situations already, you should be doubly careful and should be able to use those experiences to your own benefit. I hope you have found the right girl this time and I wish you all the best.

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  Thai Idiom: Jaap

‘Cool!’ ‘Awesome!’ ‘Beautiful! ‘Disgusting’
Or
‘I have a vocabulary
of only one word.’

This word is now heard so often it is almost annoying. It is not a true idiom, but slang. Many slang words are coined in Thai movies aimed at teenagers, used like mad for a year or so and then sink into a well-deserved oblivion.

No one knows the origins of this one. Wherever it came from, we hope it goes back there, soon. Some examples:

Teen One: ‘How’s your new boyfriend?’

Teen Two: ‘Jaap!’

Mother: ‘How was school?’

Teen ‘Jaap!’

Father: ‘How is your new teacher?’

Teen: ‘Jaap!’

Doctor: ‘How was it when the killer Rottweiler ripped flesh off your thigh and almost severed your jugular vein?’

Teen: ‘Jaap!’

Need we say more? This is almost as annoying as the word ‘awesome’, much overused in English. It originally meant something inspiring terror and respect. ‘Awesome’ can now be applied to a glass of water.

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  Family Money: Retirement Capital: How much is enough?

Some weeks back the topic of this column was making plans for a comfortable retirement. Since then a number of people have asked me to evaluate their pension plans, and work out how much they will eventually need for their retirement. Several wanted to know if they have enough money built up to retire soon, if not tomorrow.

The answer is always: "It depends."

The factors that determine whether any individual can afford to retire are rather more complex than might appear at first glance.

Where?

The first factor is location: Where do you intend to retire? The cost of living in Pattaya is very different from London, which is different from Sydney, which is different from Hong Kong.

Inflation is a major factor to consider when calculating for the longer term, and this again will vary from one location to another. For example, over the past couple of decades inflation in the U.K. has averaged around 6 1/2% while in the U.S. it has been only around 3%.

During that period of course there have been considerable variations, which if you’d been retired would have required greater or lesser amounts to be withdrawn from your savings to maintain the same lifestyle.

Then, each individual’s lifestyle is different. This will have a substantial bearing on how much capital you’ll need to last throughout your Golden Years of retirement.

The tax you might have to pay on your drawn-down income also has to be considered.

When?

The next factor is age: At what age would you like to retire?

The second part of this same question is impossible to calculate: How long will you live after you retire?

This can at best only be estimated, based partly on your current state of health, your family history, lifestyle, and what the actuary tables tell us. (However, when calculating pension requirements, it is wiser to over-estimate expected life-span rather than underestimate!)

There are other factors as well, but these are the most important.

These figures can then be fed into a fairly simple computer program to estimate how much capital would need to have been built up to last any specific individuals throughout their retirement years.

"Can I retire now?"

Let us take as an example a couple who recently came to see me. We’ll call them John & Sally, now aged 50 & 48 respectively. They’re both in good health, and both come from reasonably long-lived families: their parents all lived into their late 70’s.

They plan to retire to U.K., where they bought a house on which the mortgage is now fully paid. Their children are grown up and working.

Over his working life John has built up a number of offshore investments, currently valued at £186,000 (approx. US$312,000) and he wants to know if he has enough to take early retirement now.

They estimate they will need about £20,000 a year (about US$33,600) in today’s terms to live reasonably comfortably.

The question is simple. The calculation is, effectively, to determine the capital required to supply a draw-down of £20,000 in today’s terms for, say, at least 30 years, assuming inflation continued at an average of 6 1/2% p.a., and his offshore investments earn a conservative average of 8% p.a. (Yes, folks, much higher returns are possible - but this is retirement capital on which John does not want to take risks - after all, he can’t earn it all over again, can he?)

And the answer? John requires invested capital amounting to just over £490,000 (approx. US$ 830,000) before taking any income tax liability into account.

From this, incidentally, they would draw down a total of over £1.7 million (approx. US$2.9 million) during the following 30 years of their retirement - not a bad return on a conservative investment.

Sounds a lot, doesn’t it?

Just to bring home how much inflation can erode both your capital and spending power: at 6 1/2% annual inflation, £20,000 in 1998 money will be £35,251 in just 2008, and in 2027 (when John will be 80) will have swollen to £124,213. That’s how much it is likely to cost them to live for just that one year if inflation continues at only 6 1/2% p.a. from now until then.

If they retired to the U.K. now, incidentally, their current capital, conservatively invested to produce a regular return of 8% p.a., would provide an estimated pension-draw-down for the projected 30 remaining years of their lives of only £625 (US$1,050) a month in today’s money.

When I showed these figures to John he turned white, and Sally nearly burst into tears. Their first reaction was shocked disbelief. They thought their accumulated savings would be enough to keep them comfortably the rest of their lives. But after looking at the pension-draw-down illustration tables I’d prepared for them, they realized that the figures clearly and inarguably spoke for themselves.

Their mistakes were having lulled themselves into a false sense of security and forgetting the effects of inflation - and not having sought professional help earlier.

Had they been younger, they could have consulted a professional advisor who would have helped them plan effectively and ensured a realistic pension fund was set up to provide for their retirement.

As it is, however, they have sadly left it too late. Their alternatives now are either to continue working past their planned retirement age to build more capital, or amend their planned retirement lifestyle...

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write, fax or e-mail Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or e-mail him directly at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

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  Modern Medicine: You with cholesterol? A fat chance!

By Dr. Iain Corness

We have all got to die one day. However, the most likely reason for your early demise would be a "Heart Attack". Particularly if you are male, success driven, overweight and smoking. Perhaps you should put the paper down now before it all gets too depressing!

There has been much controversy over the past two decades on the relationship between Cholesterol and heart disease, but the debate is really now over. Studies which began with Professor Kanel and the Framingham Unit in the mid 60’s have now shown the true nature of the causes of coronary artery blockage. The central "baddie" in all this scenario is Cholesterol.

Before we get too deeply into Cholesterol and what you can do about it, perhaps a few words on the mechanism of "heart attacks" won’t go astray. To function properly your heart muscle needs oxygen. It gets this from its own special blood supply, not from the blood it pumps inside its chambers. The arteries which supply the heart are called the "Coronary" arteries and blockage of these vessels is then called a "Coronary occlusion". Not, as some call it, a "Coronary Conclusion", even if the end result is about the same!

The actual material which blocks these vital arteries is known as "Atheromatous plaque" and the principal constituent of it is our old friend Cholesterol. So if we can find some way of stopping Cholesterol being laid down in the arteries, we just might have found a way to stop you having your Heart Attack. Let’s now look more closely at Cholesterol itself.

Undoubtedly some of you will have heard of "good" Cholesterol and "bad" Cholesterol. So what’s the difference? Basically the fraction of the total Cholesterol which is chemically High Density Lipoprotein appears to act in a "protective" fashion to stop the blockages, while the rest of the Cholesterol fractions (mainly Low Density Lipoprotein) are the real culprits in the Atheroma production.

Consequently, our efforts in the Cholesterol arena are directed towards increasing the High Density fraction while decreasing the Low Density total. Sounds relatively simple and like many things in medicine it is simple - up to a point!

Your personal burden of Cholesterol comes mainly from what you eat. A real case of digging your grave with your teeth! To lower your total Cholesterol just reduce your intake. Simple. Unfortunately, not quite that simple. There are individual differences in the way we all handle and break down the Cholesterol we eat. Some of these differences are genetic, so we may be stuck with them, but some are definite "life style" problems. However, dietary reduction is the first place to start.

Cholesterol is found in animal fats and dairy products. Cut those out and you’re on the way. Again, not so simple. Try imagining life without meat, milk, cheese and ice cream? Cholesterol appears in just so many foods in the typical western diet. Every potato chip has some, chocolate bars, hamburgers, pizza - all the "good" things in life!

Now, I am a great exponent of the "middle way" (that’s probably why I shifted to Thailand), so the ideal way to lower Cholesterol comes in dietary modification. Cut down on the animal fats and cut out the "silly" ones. In that category are lamb chops, bacon and fatty sausages. At the same time, reduce the dairy products and slide over to "fat reduced" varieties of cheese and milk and substitute polyunsaturated margarine for butter. In fact, our dietician will tell you to reduce all fats (animal or otherwise) and you are doing yourself a favour.

Some of you may be doing all the right things already - and if so, congratulations! But you’re not out of the woods yet. Not by a long way. Remember I mentioned "lifestyle" factors. If you are a smoker you’ve got a problem immediately - smoking reduces your "good" protective Cholesterol to dangerous levels. That’s one of the principal reasons that smokers have more heart attacks than non-smokers. There are also problems with Cholesterol metabolism if you have any tendency towards obesity, diabetes, drink too much alcohol or just don’t exercise enough.

By now you are probably wondering if it’s all worth while. Let me assure you that it is. Lowering your blood fats has been proved to lead to a decrease in Coronary Artery Disease. Several scientific studies show decreases in the range of 25 - 75%. This is no airy fairy pseudo scientific rubbish. This is fact. Now that really is worthwhile!

Now, of course, the next question is - are YOU at risk? There is a simple way to tell. Have a blood test. This should be a "fasting" test and incorporate Total Cholesterol, High Density Cholesterol (HDL) and Triglycerides (yet another type of blood fat). The results and percentages of the different types of fats will point us towards the type of treatment you may need. And that is the good news - there is treatment available - and very effective too.

If after all your dietary modification you still have a problem, there are specific medications for reducing Cholesterol (and Triglycerides). Spectacular results (40% reductions) are the norm for these new forms of treatment - but it comes at a price. Daily medication for the rest of your life and a chance of some unwanted side effects... But for those with continuing Cholesterol problems these pharmaceutical drugs have really lowered their chances of heart attack.

However, the first and most important fact is to know where your Cholesterol level lies. See your doctor and get it checked tomorrow - just miss breakfast first - it has to be a fasting test, remember!

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  Health & Nutrition Facts: Did you know...

Mold on hard cheese is usually not dangerous. Just to be on the safe side, discard one inch of the cheese on all sides where the mold is visible. Store the cheese in fresh, clean wrap. The exceptions are mold-ripened cheeses such as blue, Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Stilton. Check the color and the pattern of the mold. If it’s different from the usual blue or green veins or you see furry spots or white, pink, blue, green, gray, or black flecks, discard the cheese. Mold spores may have spread throughout the cheese. Soft cheeses such as cream cheese, Brie, and cottage cheese, and other foods with mold on them, should be thrown away.

The calcium content of an 8 ounce glass of milk is approximately 300mg, regardless of its fat content. Whether it’s whole or low-fat milk, you will find the amounts of protein, carbohydrate, calcium, and other nutrients are the same. Nutrients are unchanged when fat is removed from milk to lower the fat. Calories will decrease as more fat is removed from the milk.

To cut down on fat, you can remove the skin from chicken either before OR after cooking. On average, about half the fat in poultry comes from its skin, but apparently no significant amount of fat is transferred from the skin to the meat during cooking. Skinning poultry before cooking can result in drier, not leaner, meat. When you remove the skin after cooking, make sure you also remove any visible fat left on the meat. The same holds true for trimming fat from various cuts of beef before broiling, roasting, or braising. It doesn’t matter when you cut the fat off, the important thing is not to eat it.

Cooking your vegetables in the microwave oven conserves vitamins, especially vitamin C and the B vitamins. The longer you cook a food in liquid, the greater the nutrient loss. Because microwaving is fast and uses less water than boiling, you retain more nutrients. Just don’t overcook them.

Women who watch television for more than four hours a day are twice as likely to be obese than those watching less than an hour a day. Studies show similar results in men and children. As TV viewing time increases, snacking tends to increase and exercise tends to decrease.

Iron pots are a good source of iron, adding the mineral to foods cooked in them. Acids in food help dissolve small amounts of iron from the pot into the cooking liquids and is especially good for foods that simmer and stew for a while. Acidic foods such as tomato sauce, citrus juice, and vinegar take in the most iron.

If you have a tough cut of meat, you can tenderize it with kiwi fruit. An enzyme in kiwis called actinidin does the trick. Just cut the kiwi in half and rub it over beef, poultry, or pork about 30 minutes before cooking. Or puree the fruit and use it as a marinade. The meat won’t take on the kiwi’s flavor. Raw papayas contain a similar tenderizing enzyme called papain that is used in most commercial meat tenderizers.

Readers may write Laura care of the Pattaya Mail with questions or special topics they would like to see addressed.

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